| 时间 | 英文 | 中文 |
|---|---|---|
| [00:22] | All right, everybody, this is your last meal, so eat up. | 好了，各位 这是你们减肥前的最后一餐 |
| [00:28] | From this point forward, you will not use the bathroom. | 敞开肚皮吃吧 从现在开始，不准用厕所 |
| [00:30] | We need to keep our starting weights high so we can lose more. | 我们得让自己的起始重量高一点 这样我们就能减得多一点 |
| [00:33] | This summer, corporate is sponsoring | 今年夏天，总公司 |
| [00:35] | a little weight loss contest between the branches. | 在分部之间举办了小型的减肥比赛 |
| [00:37] | Whichever branch loses the most weight | 哪一个分部减肥减得最多 就能获得三天的额外假期 |
| [00:41] | gets three extra vacation days. | |
| [00:43] | What should we do with all these leftovers? | 吃剩下的怎么办啊？ |
| [00:44] | I’m taking the dumplings for my wife. | 我打算把这些饺子 打包带回家给我老婆 |
| [00:46] | No, no, no. This is your last meal. | 不行，这是你们的最后一餐，不准剩 |
| [00:48] | There will be no leftovers. | |
| [00:49] | I can bring these to my shelter. | –我可以把这些带回家 –我就只带饺子 |
| [00:51] | I’m taking my dumplings. | |
| [00:54] | There. Take those home to your wife. | 喏，把这些也带回家给你老婆 |
| [00:59] | Dwight! Dwight! | –德怀特！ –迈克尔，时间到了 |
| [01:00] | Michael, it’s time. | |
| [01:01] | Hit the scales, everybody. | 去称重吧，各位 |
| [01:03] | Right on that black platform. This way. Step it up. | 站到那边的黑色的台子上没去 这边，快站上去 |
| [01:06] | Don’t go breaking my scale. | 别搞坏我的秤 |
| [01:08] | I’m excited to lose weight for the wedding, | 我好兴奋，刚好可以为婚礼减减肥 |
| [01:10] | because I really want to have washboard abs | 因为我非常想在安杰拉第一次跟我 坦诚相见的时候，看见我的六块性感腹肌 |
| [01:13] | the first time Angela sees me naked. | |
| [01:18] | Ex-squeeze me. | –挤到我了哦 –没事，我原谅你挤我了 |
| [01:19] | No, I will ex-squeeze you. | |
| [01:22] | Okay, everybody, get used to this, | 好了，各位，大家趁早习惯哦 |
| [01:24] | because we are going to be standing here briefly | 因为后面连续七周的周一 |
| [01:27] | every Monday for the next seven Mondays. | 我们都得在这玩意上站一站 |
| [01:29] | Wait a minute. One more bite of eclair each. | 等等，每人再吃一口奶油卷 |
| [01:31] | Hold it in your mouth if you can’t swallow. | 如果实在咽不下去，就含在嘴里 |
| [01:37] | Really? Nothing? | –真的吗？就这些了？ –约1060公斤 |
| [01:39] | 2,336 pounds. | |
| [01:43] | You all need to learn some portion control. | 你们都得控制饮食了 |
| [01:45] | Wait a minute, Pam is on the scale. | 等一下，潘站在秤上呢 |
| [01:47] | Pam-cake, no, no, no. We would love your extra poundage, | 哦，潘小宝贝，不 我们很高兴能加上你的重量 |
| [01:50] | but you are going to be leaving us next week, so vamoose! | 但是你下周就要离职了 所以，下去！ |
| [01:55] | Okay. Vamoose, Pam. Dunder Mifflin family only. | –好吧 –快下去，潘 –只能敦德米福林的人参加 –闲人免谈 |
| [01:58] | Family only. | |
| [02:00] | All right, got it. 2,210 pounds. | 好吧，测出来了，约1002公斤 |
| [02:08] | Pam, you weigh 226 pounds? | –潘，你有103公斤？ –差不多吧，凯文 |
| [02:12] | Almost, Kevin. | |
| [02:13] | Not almost, though, Holly. | 才不是差不多，霍莉 我是说，还不…还不到90呢 |
| [02:15] | I mean, not… Not close to 200. | |
| [02:18] | Math is hard. | –算术可真难 –是啊 |
| [02:19] | Yeah. | |
| [02:20] | Just… We’ll, just keep going. | 那个…你们继续吧 （第二周，7月7日） 今天称重我肯定轻了一大截儿 我这个周末就吃了 |
| [02:27] | I’m totally going to slaughter at the weigh-in today. | 鸡胸肉，还有一罐无糖可乐 –真的吗？ –嗯 |
| [02:29] | All I had this weekend to eat | 我从周五中午开始就没吃东西了 |
| [02:30] | was a chicken breast and a case of Diet Coke. | |
| [02:32] | Really? Yeah. | 好吧，斯坦利，快点 我把东西丢车里了，楼上见吧 好的 |
| [02:33] | ‘Cause I haven’t eaten anything since noon on Friday. | |
| [02:36] | Okay. Stanley, come on. | |
| [02:39] | Oh, I forgot something in my car. | |
| [02:40] | I’ll see you guys up there. | （楼梯） |
| [02:41] | All right. | 我碰巧也在因为个人原因减肥 事实上 我变得慢吞吞，而且魅力大减 我年轻的时候是这个样子 瞧那鼓鼓的肱二头肌啊 当时我们挑战权威，我们想吃就吃 |
| [02:45] | I happen to be losing weight on my own for my own reasons. | |
| [02:48] | The truth is, I have lost a little of my speed, a little of my fire. | |
| [02:53] | Here’s what I used to look like. | |
| [02:55] | Look at those biceps. | |
| [02:57] | We were fighting the power and eating whatever we wanted. | 背部弯曲，慢慢抬起头 –新保 –他们把淋浴间拆了 –你瞧见霍莉的屁屁没？ –没，没看见 |
| [03:00] | And arch your back and slowly bring up your head. | |
| [03:09] | Jimbo. Oh. They moved the shower. | |
| [03:11] | Did you see Holly’s butt? | –知道为什么吗？ –为什么？ |
| [03:13] | No, I didn’t. | 因为在一般情况下 朋友们不会谈论其他朋友的屁股 |
| [03:16] | You know why? Why? | |
| [03:17] | Because most of the time, friends don’t talk about other friends’ butts. | –我…我晓得 –你了解了她点没？ |
| [03:21] | I… I know. | 我知道她在一年里搞断了两次腿 我知道她对芝麻籽过敏 我知道她读了《寂寞之鸽》三次 |
| [03:23] | But what have you learned about her? | |
| [03:25] | I learned that she broke her left leg twice in one year. | |
| [03:28] | I learned that she’s allergic to sesame seeds. | |
| [03:31] | I learned that she has read Lonesome Dove three times. | –不赖啊 –还有她的屁股不停在我眼前晃来晃去的 |
| [03:35] | Nice. | 好吧，我还是闪人吧 |
| [03:36] | And that her butt refuses to quit. | 好吧，我还是闪人吧 你得…你肯定跟我的看法一样 简直美毙了 |
| [03:39] | Well, I tried. | |
| [03:42] | You have to… You have to agree with me. That’s insane. | –等会再来上吧 –你不是要尿尿吗？ 嘿，如果你喜欢瑜伽 我在迪克森那边参加 了一个很棒的高温瑜伽班 |
| [03:46] | I’ll just go later. That’s insane. I thought you had to pee. | |
| [03:56] | Hey, if you’re into yoga, I take a great Bikram class in Dickson City. | 谢谢，我回头查查去 还有，不要有压力哦 那个老师，真是人见人爱 |
| [04:01] | Oh, thanks. I should check that out. | |
| [04:02] | Also, and no pressure, the teacher, he’s a catch. | –其实，我是拉拉 –我是基佬 |
| [04:06] | Actually, I’m a lesbian. | 我不是拉拉，我不晓得我干嘛要那么说 这笑话太蠢了 |
| [04:08] | I’m gay. | |
| [04:10] | I’m not a lesbian. | –笑点在哪儿？ –不，也不算笑话了 |
| [04:12] | I don’t know why I said that. Stupid joke. | |
| [04:14] | What’s the joke? | 我那么说，只是因为我最近运气不咋地 |
| [04:16] | No, there is no joke. | |
| [04:18] | I just said it because I haven’t had much luck lately | 也没有约会的打算 所以也许我倒是该换着喜欢女生了 那你觉得性取向可以选咯？ |
| [04:21] | and I’m not really looking to date, | |
| [04:23] | so maybe I should switch to women. | |
| [04:27] | You think it’s a choice? | 我得回去上班了，我… 我在跟你开玩笑呢，霍莉 –我知道的，好的，回见 –好 |
| [04:31] | I’m going to head back to my work area and just… | |
| [04:34] | I’m messing with you, Holly. | |
| [04:37] | I knew that. | –那你拿到入学指南了？ –嗯 –带牙刷了？ –对 |
| [04:39] | Okay, bye. Okay. | –手机充电器准备好没？ –全收拾妥当啦 |
| [04:40] | So you have the directions? Yeah. | |
| [04:42] | You have a toothbrush? Yes. | 从明天开始 我要去纽约的普瑞特艺术学院 |
| [04:43] | You have a cell phone charger? | 参加一个三个月的设计课程 |
| [04:44] | I have everything. | |
| [04:45] | Tomorrow, I start a three-month design program | 我会是在大苹果里游荡的一条小小鱼 |
| [04:48] | at the Pratt Institute in New York. | |
| [04:50] | I will be a little fish in the Big Apple. | 你好吗，212？ 替我发了这份传真 |
| [04:53] | What up, two-one-two? | 得了吧，伙计 她十分钟之后就要去纽约了 发个传真十分钟足够了，杰姆 |
| [04:56] | Fax this for me. | |
| [04:57] | Come on, man. She goes to New York in, like, 10 minutes. | |
| [04:59] | It’s not going to take her 10 minutes to fax it, Jim. | 防止等会见不到你，先告别下 事实上，我会见到你的 你还得把传真确认给我，所以无所谓了 |
| [05:03] | If I don’t see you again, goodbye. | |
| [05:04] | Well, actually, I’ll see you when you give me the fax confirmation. | |
| [05:07] | So never mind. | 安…杰拉 |
| [05:10] | Ang… ela. | 杰拉 在我的安杰拉下 |
| [05:14] | Ela, ela, ela | 杰拉，哎 –闹啥？ –嘿，瞧瞧这个 这是罗德岛新港的听涛山庄 |
| [05:16] | Under my Angerela | |
| [05:18] | Ela, ela, eh, eh | |
| [05:21] | What? | |
| [05:22] | Hey, check it out. | 有超赞超棒的海景豪宅 可以直接看到大西洋 |
| [05:24] | This is The Breakers, Newport, Rhode Island. | |
| [05:26] | Huge, awesome, gorgeous mansion overlooking the Atlantic. | 我老爹跟那里的管理员 是康奈尔大学的校友 每个小男孩都会憧憬着 他童话般的婚礼 不，不行 这是我父母闹离婚的时候 重归于好的地方 |
| [05:30] | And my dad went to Cornell with the current groundskeeper. | |
| [05:33] | Every little boy fantasizes about his fairytale wedding. | |
| [05:39] | No. No. | –我不管 –好吧 |
| [05:41] | This is where my parents decided not to get divorced. | 那你觉得缅因州怎么样？ 交给我办吧 回头见，宝贝 刚才真是爽歪歪，小东西 这是最后一次了，德怀特 我是认真的 –小猴子 –不，我名花有主了，我喜欢我的未婚夫 嘿！ 潘！嘿！ |
| [05:43] | I don’t care. Okay. | |
| [05:44] | How do you feel about Maine? | |
| [05:49] | I’m on it. I’ll see you later, love. | |
| [06:11] | We done good in there, half-pint. | |
| [06:14] | Well, that was the last time, Dwight. I mean it. | |
| [06:16] | Monkey. No. No. | |
| [06:17] | I have a fiance I very much like. | |
| [06:29] | Hey! Hey! | |
| [06:48] | Pam! Pam! Hey. | –怎么回事？ –我给你写了首告别诗 还挺长的 我把它忘在楼上的办公室里了 |
| [06:52] | What happened? | |
| [06:53] | I wrote you a goodbye poem. | 你能等我下吗？我去拿？ |
| [06:55] | It’s really long. I left it up in my office. | 你能等我下吗？我去拿？ –我赶时间啊 –不行，好吧 最后一个词儿是“海鸥” –那诗肯定特可爱 –我借鉴了不少别的诗歌 |
| [06:58] | Could you just please wait until I go get it? | |
| [06:59] | I should really get going. | |
| [07:01] | No. Okay. Okay. | |
| [07:05] | The last word is “seagulls.” | |
| [07:08] | I’m sure it was really lovely. | |
| [07:10] | I took a lot from other poems. | –到了就打电话给我 –好的 –拜 –拜 –好吧，给我… –不要，迈克尔 我为什么还不求婚？ 其实，我跟潘谈过这个了 我们决定 |
| [07:13] | Call me when you get in. Okay. | |
| [07:15] | Bye. | Bye. |
| [07:16] | All right, call… | |
| [07:17] | No, Michael. | |
| [07:23] | Why haven’t I proposed yet? | |
| [07:25] | Actually, Pam and I talked about it. And we just decided that, | 我们不想刚订婚，就分开三个月 潘也一直说，她不喜欢订婚时间太长 可能是之前的经历给闹的吧，我猜 不太清楚具体啥情况 |
| [07:29] | well, we didn’t want to spend the first three months of our engagement apart. | |
| [07:32] | And Pam’s always said she doesn’t want a long engagement. | |
| [07:35] | Something in her past, I guess. | 但是跟之前在这边上班的某男有关 |
| [07:37] | Not really sure of the whole story, | |
| [07:38] | but something about a guy who used to work here. | 好了，不！ 大家还像上星期那样站 –没关系的，迈克尔 –有，有关系 |
| [07:42] | Okay. No, no, no, no, no! Same places as last week. | 不行，这重量的位置都换掉了 |
| [07:45] | It doesn’t matter, Michael. Yes, it does. | 我们得保持上次的重量分布 |
| [07:46] | No, this is about weight displacement. | 站这边，好了 挪一挪，好了 |
| [07:49] | We have to have the same weight distribution. | |
| [07:51] | Right here. There we go. | 见到你真高兴 |
| [07:53] | Let’s move that up. There we go. | |
| [07:55] | Fancy meeting you here. | 好了，大家都笑一个 你们减了14公斤 –嘿！ –耶！ |
| [07:59] | Okay, everybody smile. | |
| [08:07] | You lost 31 pounds. | –好啊！ –赞！ |
| [08:08] | Hey! Yeah! | 我都不敢相信我会说这个 但是迈克尔跟霍莉真是绝配 |
| [08:11] | All right! Yes! | |
| [08:12] | I can’t believe I’m saying this, | |
| [08:14] | but Michael is actually killing it with Holly. | 我知道原因 因为霍莉也是个大傻子 我是迈克尔斯科特，我最性感 她是调音师杰斯弗拉克斯，她最赞 那些白痴分部的人哪，真是逊到汗 嘿哟，嘿呦，嘿呦呦 |
| [08:17] | And I think I know why. It’s because Holly is kind of a major dork. | |
| [08:24] | I’m MC Mike Scott and I am hot | |
| [08:26] | She’s DJ Jazzy Flax and she is the best | |
| [08:29] | All the sucker branches can suck our fat | |
| [08:32] | Wicka-wicka-wicka what? | （第三周，7月14号） 敦德米福林，我是罗妮 我不太认识罗妮 |
| [08:40] | Dunder Mifflin. This is Ronni. | 但是我感觉，在今后的几年 |
| [08:43] | I don’t really know Ronni. | 会逐渐了解她的 |
| [08:45] | But I have a feeling I will get to know her very well | 而最终我会爱上她的 对不起，我迟到了，我不小心把 我的闹钟调成了Zapf Chancery字体 那么我们继续之前没讲完的部分 |
| [08:47] | over the next few years. | |
| [08:49] | And eventually declare my love for her. | |
| [08:55] | Sorry I’m late. I accidently switched my alarm clock setting | |
| [08:58] | to Zapf Chancery. | |
| [09:01] | Which is my terrible segue into our course, | 新媒体里的动态字体设计 |
| [09:05] | Expressive Typography in New Media. | 我来错教室了 你们也许还记得上个学期 |
| [09:09] | I’m in the wrong class. | 我是莫纳汗教授 |
| [09:11] | Some of you may remember from last semester, I am Professor Monahan. | 貌似我的课已经让某些人无聊了 –不是，我只是… –请给我坐下 –你虚虚摇摇的，你没事吧？ –别烦我！ |
| [09:15] | And it looks like I’m boring someone already. | |
| [09:18] | No, I just… Please sit down. | |
| [09:31] | You’re shaking. Are you all right? | 我已经吃到第三天的清肠餐了 我能吃的是枫糖浆 柠檬汁、红辣椒，还有水 三餐都是如此 我刚才网上买了几件比基尼 二号的，所以… |
| [09:33] | Just leave me alone! | |
| [09:35] | I am on the third day of my cleanse diet. | |
| [09:38] | All I have to do is drink maple syrup, | |
| [09:41] | lemon juice, cayenne pepper and water for all three meals. | |
| [09:45] | I just bought some bikinis online, size two. So… | 要美美地穿出去！ 嘿，有事儿吗？ 请把这个用雀黄色的纸印100份 |
| [09:50] | Gonna look amazing! | |
| [09:58] | Hi, can I help you? | –嘿，简 –嗨 |
| [09:59] | I need you to make me 100 copies of this on canary yellow. | –蜡烛生意怎么样啊？ –很好，嗯 |
| [10:02] | Hey, Jan. Hi. | “简的宁静”这一款卖疯了 这牌子算是打响了 |
| [10:03] | How’s the candle game? | |
| [10:04] | Oh, great. Yeah. | |
| [10:05] | Serenity by Jan is kicking ass and taking names. | 你还记得上周有个姑娘失踪吗？ 猜猜看，人们给她守夜的时候 用的是谁的蜡烛？ |
| [10:10] | You remember last week when that girl went missing, | 真酷，感谢上帝，他们也找到她了 |
| [10:11] | guess whose candles they used for the vigil? | |
| [10:14] | Cool. Thank God they found her, too. | –他们找到她了？ –嘿，简 你好，宝宝，你好吗？ 很高兴见到你，谁是你亲爹啊？ |
| [10:17] | Oh, they found her? Hi, Jan. | |
| [10:19] | Hello, baby. How are you? | 你不知道你亲爹是谁，是不是？ 是啊，你不知道，来吧，我们进去谈 |
| [10:21] | Good to see you. Who’s your daddy? | |
| [10:23] | You don’t know who your daddy is, do you? | 迈克尔告诉我们简怀孕的时候 |
| [10:25] | No, you don’t. Come on. Let’s go in. | 他故意让我觉得他是孩子他爸 事实上他就是那么直接告诉我们的 |
| [10:27] | When Michael told us that Jan was pregnant, | |
| [10:29] | he led us to believe that he was the father, | |
| [10:32] | by telling us that he was the father. | 嘿，奥斯卡 那个在迈克尔办公室的大脚女人是谁啊？ 那是他的前女友 –她真是美人 –是啊，没错，也是个十足的疯子 听我说，我不知道上次你的提议还有效不 |
| [10:36] | Hey, Oscar. | |
| [10:38] | Who’s that woman in Michael’s office with the feet? | |
| [10:40] | That’s his ex. | |
| [10:42] | Oh. She’s very beautiful. | |
| [10:44] | Yeah, she is. And clinically insane. | |
| [10:50] | So, listen, I don’t know if your offer still stands or whatever, | 不过，你可以把我的电话号码 给你的瑜伽老师 –好的 –听着，笨蛋，有那么难嘛？ 你要做的就是从销售报告里抄下数字 |
| [10:54] | but you can give your yoga teacher my number. | |
| [10:56] | Okay. | |
| [10:57] | Listen, dummy, it’s not that hard. | 然后把它们输进总表 该死的猴子都会做 我搞不懂了，你怎么就搞不定呢？ |
| [10:59] | All you have to do is take the numbers from the sales report | |
| [11:02] | and type them into a master spreadsheet. | |
| [11:04] | A GD monkey could do it. I do not understand why you can’t do it! | 不！不准你那么跟他说话 |
| [11:07] | No! You do not talk to him like that! | –但是他就是个白痴啊 –嘿 他不是白痴 |
| [11:11] | But he’s an idiot. Hey. | –谢谢你，霍莉 –他只是智商低一点而已 |
| [11:13] | He is not an idiot. | |
| [11:15] | Thank you, Holly. | –但是他的工作做得很出色 –等等，且慢 |
| [11:16] | He is mentally challenged. | |
| [11:19] | But he’s doing a super job here. | |
| [11:21] | Wait, back up. | 你觉得我是弱智吗？ |
| [11:25] | Do you think that I’m retarded? | 嗯…不是，德怀特 –霍莉，你那话太过分了 –对不起 嘿，那么… 既然我的小姑娘 基本没可能告诉我她的喜好 我订下了四个完全不同结婚地点 交了四份不可能退回的定金 纳帕峡谷上的热气球婚礼 世界闻名的迪斯尼艾波卡特中心婚礼 巴哈马的斯库巴潜水婚礼 威尔克斯巴里的万豪连锁饭店C宴会厅 |
| [11:28] | What… No. Dwight. | |
| [11:34] | Oh, Holly, that is very offensive. | |
| [11:37] | I’m sorry. | |
| [11:52] | Hey, so, | |
| [11:54] | since my little lady has such particular, impossible-to-perceive taste, | |
| [11:59] | I’ve made non-refundable deposits | |
| [12:01] | at four totally different wedding locales. | |
| [12:04] | Hot air balloons over Napa Valley, | |
| [12:06] | world famous Walt Disney’s Epcot Center, | |
| [12:09] | scuba diving wedding in the Bahamas | |
| [12:11] | and Wilkes-Barre Marriott Ballroom C. | 危险、俗气、鲨鱼、有鬼，不行 快点，我们得搞快点 –我们来大干一场吧！ –嘿！ |
| [12:15] | Dangerous, tacky, sharks, haunted. No. | |
| [12:20] | Hurry, we have to make this fast. | 我有舒服的被子 还有几个舒服的枕头 |
| [12:22] | Let’s do this thing! | |
| [12:23] | Hey! | 我一般会读个一章书 然后八点半准时熄灯 |
| [12:25] | I have a nice comforter and several cozy pillows. | 我一般会读个一章书 然后八点半准时熄灯 |
| [12:28] | I usually read a chapter of a book and it’s lights-out by 8:30. | 我每天晚上就是这样入眠的 好吧，我在连接了，然后… 我能看到你了！ |
| [12:31] | That’s how I sleep at night. | |
| [12:34] | All right, I am connecting. | |
| [12:36] | And you are not there. | –好吧！ –这太酷了！ 最近怎么样啊，电脑里的姑娘？ |
| [12:41] | Did you install it right? | 给一栋楼里的姑娘去吃了午饭 制陶课，然后一个人吃晚饭 |
| [12:42] | How about this? Go to applications… | |
| [12:46] | I can see you! | 我会看高清数字电视 也许我会跟约翰梅耶 一起去8号别墅俱乐部 够了，把那姑娘关掉，行吗？ 我这里还有工作呢 不会吧！潘比斯利，你好啊！ –嘿！ –嘿，各位，瞧，潘！ –潘！打招呼啊！ –你好，潘 |
| [12:47] | All right! This is so cool! | |
| [12:49] | So what is going on, girl in the computer? | |
| [12:52] | Lunch with a girl from my hall. Uh-huh. | |
| [12:53] | Ceramics class, then dinner by myself. | |
| [12:56] | I’m going to watch HGTV, | |
| [12:58] | and maybe go to Bungalow 8 with John Mayer. | |
| [13:01] | Okay, can you turn the girl off, please? | |
| [13:02] | I’m trying to get some work done. | 我们是不是都苗条了？ 差一点把你摔地上了 能把我放下来吗？我有点晕了 |
| [13:03] | No way! No way! Pam Beesly! Hello! | |
| [13:08] | Hey! | 潘，我介绍你认识罗妮 |
| [13:09] | Hey, everybody, look! Pam! | 潘，我介绍你认识罗妮 |
| [13:10] | Pam! Say hi! Say hi to Pam! | |
| [13:12] | Hi, Pam. | 我们叫她“调味米饭” |
| [13:13] | Don’t we all look skinny? | 她可搞笑了，她棒极了 是这个黑漆漆的办公室里的一道光线 也没那么夸张啦 |
| [13:16] | Almost dropped you. | |
| [13:17] | Can you put me down? I’m getting a little nauseous. | |
| [13:19] | Pam, I would like you to meet Ronni. | |
| [13:23] | We call her “Rice-a-Ronni.” | |
| [13:24] | She is hilarious, she is wonderful, | 她每天做的就是坐在椅子上 接接电话 悠着点 冷静，怪婆婆，我开玩笑呢 她就是个怪婆婆 |
| [13:27] | a beam of light in this dark, dark office. | |
| [13:32] | Not really so much. | 知道吗？ 潘，我对她最不满意的一点是 |
| [13:35] | All she does is plop herself down there and answer phones all day. | 她找不到那些我很喜欢的 彩色小回形针 |
| [13:38] | The nerve. | –能帮她找到吗？拜托了 –它们在供货架上 –我们出发！ –太棒了 |
| [13:40] | Calm down, weirdo. Just a joke. She’s such a weirdo. | |
| [13:43] | You know what? My real beef with her, though, Pam, | 我要跟着潘的指令向供货架进发 |
| [13:45] | is that she can’t find those little | 让我们去吧 |
| [13:47] | colored paperclips that I like so much. | 纽约真让人兴奋啊 我喜欢我上的课，这个城市也很棒 能把我还给杰姆吗？谢了 |
| [13:49] | Would you help her find them, please? | |
| [13:50] | They’re on the supply shelf. | |
| [13:52] | Let’s go! Yeah. | |
| [13:53] | We are following Pam to the supply shelf. | |
| [13:57] | Let us go. | 好吧，各位，让我们憋住气 约990公斤… –你们反而重了二点三公斤 –靠！不会吧！ 哦，我的上帝啊！ |
| [13:58] | New York is so exciting. | |
| [14:00] | I love my classes. The city is awesome. | |
| [14:04] | Can you give me back to Jim now please? | |
| [14:08] | Okay, everybody, let’s suck in our guts. | |
| [14:13] | 2,184 pounds for a grand… | |
| [14:17] | Oh. You all gained five pounds back. | （第四周，7月21号） –快点，伯纳德 –好了 |
| [14:19] | Damn it. Come on! | |
| [14:23] | Oh, my God. | –快点 –大家都站上来了 –好了，都站稳了 –还不赖，你们轻了零点四五公斤 你们轻了零点四五公斤 我在医院挂了两天的水 |
| [14:32] | – Come on, Bernard. – Here we go. | |
| [14:34] | – Move it. – Everybody on. | 我轻了约一点八公斤 |
| [14:35] | All right, we’re set. | 我不知道那些白痴都干了些什么 |
| [14:36] | Still good. You guys lost a pound. | 我不知道那些白痴都干了些什么 不过我轻了一点八公斤 安杰拉，你去趟超市 买点纽约起司蛋糕回来 看好了，就买普通的 那是斯坦利的最爱 |
| [14:40] | You lost one pound. | |
| [14:42] | I was on an IV for two days at the hospital. | |
| [14:45] | I lost four pounds. | |
| [14:46] | I don’t know what those other fools were doing, | |
| [14:48] | but I lost four pounds. | 没错，我代替了安杰拉 当上了派对策划委员会的头儿 |
| [14:50] | Angela, you’ll go to the supermarket | |
| [14:52] | and get the New York cheesecake. | 我想我只是运气好 在恰当的时间出现在恰当的地方而已 |
| [14:54] | Make sure it’s the generic one. | |
| [14:56] | It’s Stanley’s favorite. | 进行得怎么样？ –不错 –很好 |
| [14:58] | Yes, I’ve replaced Angela as head of the Party Planning Committee. | 我有个挺疯的主意 我们用水果代替蛋糕如何？ 蛋糕？谁说要买蛋糕的？ |
| [15:02] | I guess I was just in the right place at the right time. | |
| [15:07] | How’s it going? | 我们今天体重减轻了啊 我觉得偶尔奖励自己一下没关系的 |
| [15:08] | It’s going well. – Good. | |
| [15:10] | I have a crazy idea. | |
| [15:11] | What if we did fruit instead of cake? | 你开什么玩笑？ 我们才减了零点四五公斤，菲利斯 |
| [15:15] | Cake? Who suggested cake? | 这些人什么毛病啊？ |
| [15:18] | We lost weight today. I think it’s okay | 他们没有一点意志力，我… |
| [15:20] | to reward ourselves once in a while. | 我曾经憋了28年没有做爱 然后又熬过七年 你们有人知道 |
| [15:22] | Are you kidding me? | |
| [15:24] | We only lost one pound, Phyllis. | |
| [15:26] | What is wrong with these people? | |
| [15:28] | They have no willpower. I went… | |
| [15:32] | I once went 28 years without having sex. | 这个国家头号的死亡杀手是啥吗？ –婚礼枪击案 –才不是 |
| [15:37] | And then again for seven years. | –恐惧，活活被吓死 –不是 |
| [15:41] | Does anyone have any idea | –由肥胖引起的疾病 –由肥胖引起的疾病 |
| [15:43] | what the number one cause of death is in this country? | 谢谢，霍莉说的没错 同志们啊，这不仅仅是 赢得多几天假期的问题 |
| [15:46] | Shotgun weddings. That’s not what that is. | |
| [15:48] | Fright. Being scared to death. | 这可是个非常棒的人事管理动议啊 假如我们不执行的话 |
| [15:50] | No. | |
| [15:51] | Obesity-caused illnesses. | Obesity-caused illnesses. |
| [15:53] | Thank you. Holly is right. | |
| [15:55] | People, this is not just about winning some extra vacation days. | 我们就会因为肥胖死翘翘 –所以我们要减掉多少呢？ –我想减掉30公斤 很好！好了，其他人怎么说？ –安杰拉，你减掉四点五公斤有问题吗？ –不行，我医生都让我增肥 |
| [15:59] | This is about a very cool HR initiative that if we don’t follow | |
| [16:05] | we are all going to die of obesity. | |
| [16:09] | So how much are we going to lose? | 假如你增肥，你就会死 |
| [16:10] | I would like to lose 65 pounds. | 我想让你永远死不了 我想让我所有的人都死不成 –如何做到呢？我们如何能做到这一点呢？ –深度冷冻，击个掌 我们这么着吧 |
| [16:12] | Yes! All right. Who else? | |
| [16:14] | Angela, can I put you down for 10 pounds? | |
| [16:17] | No. My doctor wants me to gain weight. | |
| [16:19] | If you gain weight, you will die. | 二点三公斤，你们每个人都得减掉二点三公斤 再加上杰姆减掉的30公斤 |
| [16:21] | I want you to live forever. I want us all to live forever. | |
| [16:24] | How? How are we going to do this? | |
| [16:25] | Cryogenics. Beer me five. | 我们的胜面就很大了 |
| [16:28] | This is how we’re going to do it. | 好了，我得走了 |
| [16:30] | Five pounds. I’m asking each of you to lose five pounds. | –去召妓吗？ –不是，我要去见潘 |
| [16:32] | That, plus Jim’s 65, | –帮她装个架子之类的 –这里，等等 |
| [16:35] | give us a very good chance at winning this thing. | 我不想你跟我一样 意外地做了孩子他爸 |
| [16:39] | All right, I’m taking off. | |
| [16:41] | Booty call. No, just going to see Pam. | 好的，谢谢 |
| [16:43] | Maybe put up some shelves. Here. Wait a second. | –要多来几个吗？ –不必了 我觉得没有一个地方 会满足所有这些条件的 这就不是我的问题了 “美国大陆的一个千年历史的教堂 必须能看见彩虹 |
| [16:46] | I don’t want you to end up with a surprise pregnancy like me. | |
| [16:52] | Okay. Thank you for this. | |
| [16:55] | You want more? No. | |
| [16:58] | I don’t know if there’s any one place that has all these things. | –有兽医24小时待命” –这对我很重要 |
| [17:02] | That’s not my problem. | 我要工作了，你搞定它 甜心，你也知道 我不在乎我们在哪儿结婚 |
| [17:04] | “Thousand-year-old church in the continental United States. | |
| [17:07] | “There has to be a rainbow, | |
| [17:09] | “24 hour veterinarian on call.” | |
| [17:11] | That is very important to me. | |
| [17:13] | So, I have work to do. Just do it. | 我可以在这里跟你结婚 我可以跟你在停车场结婚 |
| [17:17] | Sweetheart, | 我们可以在龙卷风的中心结婚 在暴风雪中结婚也可以 站在凄风冷雨里我也没意见 |
| [17:20] | just so you know, I don’t care where we get married. | |
| [17:23] | I’ll marry you right here in this building. | |
| [17:25] | I’ll marry you in the parking lot. | 我在乎的是 |
| [17:27] | I’ll marry you in the eye of a hurricane in the middle of a snow storm | 我们会共度余生 |
| [17:32] | on top of a monsoon. | |
| [17:36] | All I care about is that we’re going to | |
| [17:38] | spend the rest of our lives together. | 我知道我在这件事情上一直都很龟毛 （潘比斯利，常驻顾问） 稍等 –嗨 –嘿 我太无礼了 你们看过潘的新作品没？ 就在那边，瞧瞧吧 这个派对真是烂 有人想跳舞吗？ 某个姑娘跑到潘的房间哭诉 她的室友偷了她的豆奶 所以我就坐在这里等了 斯坦利，迈克尔不在这里 你可以吃一块你的生日蛋糕 |
| [17:49] | I know I haven’t made this easy on you. | |
| [18:11] | Hold on. | |
| [18:13] | Hi. | Hi. |
| [18:22] | Oh. So rude of me. Have you seen Pam’s new art? | |
| [18:26] | It’s right there. Check it out. | |
| [18:43] | It’s a pretty lame party. | |
| [18:46] | Does anyone want to dance? | |
| [19:00] | Some girl came into Pam’s room | |
| [19:02] | crying about her roommate stealing her soy milk. | –我现在不喜欢蛋糕了 –为啥啊，老兄？ |
| [19:05] | So I’m in here waiting it out. | 口味变了，我现在只喜欢果仁饼 |
| [19:09] | Stanley, Michael’s not here. | |
| [19:10] | You can eat a slice of your birthday cake. | 迈克尔，有情况！ |
| [19:12] | I don’t like cake anymore. | |
| [19:14] | Why not, dawg? | |
| [19:16] | Taste changed. Now all I like is baklava. | –他们不该在那个房间里 –太逊了，他们没请我们 知道我们该怎么办吗？ |
| [19:21] | Michael, we have a situation! | 我们也办个派对，不请他们 –耶！ –我们去打迷你高尔夫 行吗？ |
| [19:26] | They should not be in that room. | 嘿，迷你高尔夫的话，可以改天吗？ |
| [19:29] | That’s so lame. They didn’t invite us. | |
| [19:30] | You know what we should do? | 实际上，我晚上有个约会 |
| [19:32] | We should have a party and not invite them. | |
| [19:33] | Yeah. Let’s go mini-golfing. | |
| [19:36] | Yeah? | 肯定会一团糟，但是… 我想你会很开心的 因为斯克兰顿的人都很帅 斯克兰顿的人都很帅 |
| [19:37] | Oh, hey, could I have a rain check on the mini-golf? | |
| [19:41] | I actually have a date tonight. | |
| [19:46] | Lt’ll probably be a total disaster, but… | 那个杀了他老母的男人就不怎么样了 他就不怎么帅，恶心！ |
| [19:50] | I think you’ll have fun because men from Scranton are handsome | –凯文也一样 –知道不？ 今天差不多我们就这样吧 我们提早下班好了？ |
| [19:54] | and they know how to show a woman a good time. | –真的吗？这好呢 –嗯 –祝我好运吧 –好运 嘿 |
| [19:57] | Not that guy who murdered his mother. | |
| [19:59] | He was not so handsome. | |
| [20:01] | Also Kevin. You know what? | 霍莉不需要好运 |
| [20:03] | We’re pretty much done here today. | 只要见到她的人都会为她倾倒 |
| [20:04] | Why don’t you just take off early? | |
| [20:06] | Really? Yeah. | 派对结束了！你们完蛋了！ |
| [20:07] | That’s sweet. | |
| [20:09] | Wish me luck. Good luck. | 好了，各位 菲利斯，我有没有说过水果？ |
| [20:10] | Hey. | |
| [20:12] | Holly doesn’t need luck. | |
| [20:13] | Everyone that meets her instantly loves her. | –你说了的，迈克尔 –那是什吗？ |
| [20:16] | Party’s over! You’re so busted! | 蛋糕 知道吗？要想赢得这个比赛 |
| [20:19] | Okay, everybody. | 我们就得加倍努力 生日快乐，斯坦利！ –怎么了？ –没什么 只不过我们有些人 可是很努力的在减肥呢 我昨晚吞了个绦虫 它们会在我体内长到一米 |
| [20:21] | Phyllis, did I or did I not say fruit? | |
| [20:24] | You said fruit, Michael. | |
| [20:25] | And what is that? | |
| [20:27] | Cake. | |
| [20:28] | You know, we’re going to have to try a little bit harder | |
| [20:30] | if we are going to win this thing. | |
| [20:32] | Happy birthday, Stanley! | |
| [20:40] | It’s kind of a good news, bad news situation. | |
| [20:43] | The bad news is, we’re not doing very well, | |
| [20:45] | so we really had to starve ourselves this whole week. | 然后他们会吃掉我吃的东西 我就不会胖了 |
| [20:48] | But the good news is that all the other branches | 然后再过三个月，我就吃药 然后就能除掉它 |
| [20:50] | are doing just as bad as we are, | |
| [20:52] | so corporate upped the prize to five days. | 是克里德卖给我的，墨西哥进口的 |
| [20:55] | So if we stay fat long enough, | 那不是什么绦虫 |
| [20:57] | we may actually get a whole month off. | |
| [21:07] | What? Oh, nothing. | |
| [21:10] | It’s just some of us are taking this really seriously. | |
| [21:12] | I swallowed a tapeworm last night. | |
| [21:14] | It’s going to grow up to three feet inside of me | |
| [21:16] | and then it eats all my food so that I don’t get fat. | |
| [21:19] | And then after three months, I take some medicine and then I pass it. | |
| [21:23] | Creed sold it to me. It’s from Mexico. | |
| [21:26] | That wasrt a tapeworm. | |
| [21:30] | How’s my favorite branch doing? | |
| [21:37] | All right. | |
| [21:43] | Ronni was… | |
| [21:45] | Things were at an all-time sad here. | |
| [21:48] | But then I got an e-mail from Ryan | |
| [21:49] | that he was coming back to town. And I called the temp agency | |
| [21:53] | and I told them, “I will pay you any amount. Just give me Ryan Howard. | |
| [21:57] | “Give him to me. I want him. I need him.” | |
| [21:59] | And you got a goatee. | |
| [22:01] | I did. | |
| [22:02] | Did you get that after you helped me move and you saw mine? | |
| [22:04] | Yes. Goatee! | |
| [22:07] | Fired guy! | |
| [22:10] | Hey, Kevin. | |
| [22:12] | That’s really funny. Yeah. | |
| [22:14] | It’s great to see you, Kev. You, too. | |
| [22:15] | I’m keeping a list of everyone who wrongs me. | |
| [22:18] | So when I’m back on top, they’ll be sorry. | |
| [22:21] | Kevin just made the list. | |
| [22:23] | Jim! | |
| [22:26] | I want to apologize for how I treated you last year. | |
| [22:29] | I lost sight of myself and now that I’ve quit the rat race, | |
| [22:34] | I realize there’s so much more to life | |
| [22:36] | than being the youngest VP in the company’s history. | |
| [22:39] | I’ve even started volunteering, giving back to the community. | |
| [22:43] | That’s great. | |
| [22:46] | You’re talking about your court-ordered community service? | |
| [22:48] | I don’t need a judge to tell me to keep my community clean. | |
| [22:51] | But he did, right? | |
| [22:53] | All right. | All right. |
| [23:00] | Well, you lost zero pounds. No change. | |
| [23:04] | On the brighter side, you gained zero pounds. | |
| [23:06] | Hey, you know what? I can’t do this by myself, people! | |
| [23:10] | Kelly and I are the only ones who’ve either passed out or almost passed out! | |
| [23:14] | Damn it, I need these five days | |
| [23:15] | for my honeymoon! Who is slacking? | |
| [23:17] | Okay, let’s just all try and work harder, okay? | |
| [23:19] | No! I want names! | |
| [23:21] | This is the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do in my entire life. | |
| [23:27] | I haven’t had a very hard life. | |
| [23:30] | So how was your date? | |
| [23:31] | 8.5. | |
| [23:32] | I got a red wine stain on my favorite shirt. | |
| [23:35] | But he’s cute, right? | |
| [23:38] | What’s wrong? | |
| [23:46] | Mmm… | |
| [23:50] | Um… | |
| [23:53] | Close the door. | |
| [23:57] | This is your fault. No. | |
| [23:58] | Your stupid friend zone. | |
| [24:00] | I should have been lovers with her first and then friends. | |
| [24:04] | That was terrible advice. Terrible advice! | |
| [24:07] | You know my seduction method. | |
| [24:09] | I like to get in there and get my hands dirty. | |
| [24:12] | You sabotaged me. | |
| [24:13] | You sabotaged me, man! | |
| [24:15] | Attention! Attention! | |
| [24:18] | We only have a few weeks left | |
| [24:20] | and most of you are just as fat as the day we began. | |
| [24:24] | How much weight have you lost, Dwight? | |
| [24:25] | I am hardly the problem, Jim. | |
| [24:27] | No, you’re definitely the problem. | |
| [24:28] | This is what I’m going to do. I’m going to randomly select three names | |
| [24:32] | and these three people will get liposuction. | |
| [24:36] | Um… | |
| [24:37] | Stanley, Phyllis, Kevin. And you will be responsible for your own medical bills. | |
| [24:44] | Kelly? | |
| [24:45] | Hello, Ryan. You look well. | |
| [24:48] | I wanted to say I’m sorry for treating you bad the past couple of years. | |
| [24:52] | I was in my mid-20s and I was going through a lot of stuff. | |
| [24:57] | I think I never really processed 9l11. | |
| [25:00] | I want you to know I’ve changed. | |
| [25:02] | Cool. | |
| [25:03] | We should get a drink later, catch up. | |
| [25:06] | Pick me up around 8:00? | |
| [25:08] | That is so sweet. | |
| [25:10] | Um, but I’m dating Darryl still and we’re like crazy in love, so… | |
| [25:18] | Cool. | |
| [25:22] | Well, maybe I’ll see you around. | |
| [25:24] | It’s a small office. | |
| [25:26] | Yeah. | |
| [25:31] | Hey, Phyllis, do you have a minute? | |
| [25:34] | Listen, I’m really sorry about what I said before. | |
| [25:39] | Okay? | |
| [25:40] | I was way out of line. | |
| [25:43] | Yes, you were. | |
| [25:44] | But you know what? I want to make it up to you. | |
| [25:47] | There is a surefire sale, but it’s a two-man job. Interested? | |
| [25:55] | Split the commission? | |
| [25:58] | Sixty-forty. | |
| [26:02] | I’ll drive. | |
| [26:20] | Dieting is only half of it. Mmm-hmm. Saunas. | |
| [26:23] | And exercise. | |
| [26:25] | Although I know everybody loves going to the gym. | |
| [26:28] | The dreadmill. | |
| [26:31] | Probably the weirdest thing about Pam being gone will be lunch, actually. | |
| [26:36] | But it will force me to become acquaintances | |
| [26:39] | with people I consider co-workers. | |
| [26:44] | Oh, my God. | |
| [26:45] | Okay, everybody just act normal. Don’t say anything. | |
| [26:48] | What? | |
| [26:49] | My ex-girlfriend, she’s right behind you. | |
| [26:51] | Really? Where? Just hide me. | |
| [26:52] | No, no, don’t look. | |
| [26:56] | Wow, was it the age difference? | |
| [26:58] | Actually, kind of, yes. | |
| [26:59] | I just didn’t like eating dinner that early. | |
| [27:05] | Hey, Jim. Listen, can I call you back in a little bit? | |
| [27:09] | I made friends. | |
| [27:15] | Are you insane? Hey, hey. | |
| [27:16] | What happened? | |
| [27:17] | There was no client. | |
| [27:19] | Dwight drove me to an abandoned warehouse five miles away | |
| [27:21] | and pushed me out of the car. | |
| [27:24] | I had to walk home with no money and no phone. | |
| [27:26] | And you burned over a thousand calories walking home, | |
| [27:30] | and this branch just got a little bit closer to winning the contest. | |
| [27:34] | Phyllis Vance, ladies and gentlemen. | |
| [27:35] | You left me in a bad part of town. | |
| [27:38] | Yeah, I took your purse. What are you worried about? | |
| [27:42] | You look great. | |
| [27:44] | I can definitely see the difference. | |
| [27:47] | Phyllis Vance for David Wallace. | |
| [27:52] | “Dunder Mifflin wants to make it clear | |
| [27:54] | “that Dunder Mifflin does not discriminate | |
| [27:56] | “nor does it condone unealthy dieting habits | |
| [27:59] | “or extreme weight loss strategies, | |
| [28:01] | “as was clearly stated in the official…” | |
| [28:03] | Oh, bang, boom, shake, klump! | |
| [28:07] | Why, hello, everybody. | |
| [28:11] | What are you doing? Fair question. | |
| [28:13] | I say, I say, I say, sit down, Holly! | |
| [28:17] | I’ll take it from here. | |
| [28:19] | I am beautiful. | |
| [28:25] | They are beautiful. | |
| [28:29] | He is beautiful. This big fat pig is beautiful. | |
| [28:37] | It’s my sumo suit. | |
| [28:39] | I just didn’t inflate it all the way. | |
| [28:40] | I’m so glad that I bought instead of rented. | |
| [28:45] | Body image. | |
| [28:47] | We are here because there is something wrong with society. | |
| [28:50] | See, you’re always saying there’s something wrong with society, | |
| [28:53] | but maybe there’s something wrong with you. | |
| [28:55] | If it’s me, then society made me that way. | |
| [28:58] | Now, I know a lot of you are probably asking yourself, | |
| [29:00] | “Why are you dressed in a plus-size suit?” | |
| [29:03] | Because you’re kind of doing Michael Klump. | |
| [29:06] | How do you know Michael Klump? | |
| [29:07] | Because it’s your “making fun of fat people” character. | |
| [29:09] | How dare you! | |
| [29:11] | Michael Klump is a celebration of fat people. | |
| [29:14] | I think of him as more like a monster. | |
| [29:17] | What about, “I say, I say, I say, I’ll sit on you”? | |
| [29:19] | No, no. It goes… Look. “I say, I say, I say, I’ll sit on you.” | |
| [29:23] | No! No! No! No! No! You know what? | |
| [29:25] | Fat people are not monsters. | |
| [29:29] | Why don’t you guys have a little more sensitivity to the subject? | |
| [29:33] | Bang, boom, case in point. | |
| [29:35] | Look at the outside of this building. | |
| [29:36] | It is ugly. | |
| [29:38] | But you come inside and it is beautiful. | |
| [29:43] | Just like this unappealing fat suit. | |
| [29:46] | Inside is a rather handsome, sexy man. | |
| [29:50] | Vamping. | |
| [29:51] | Hey, why don’t you just sit down, please? | |
| [29:54] | I’ve been sitting all day. | |
| [29:55] | We’re doing this because of you. | |
| [29:56] | So why don’t you just go stand somewhere else? | |
| [30:01] | Hey, hey, shaved? | |
| [30:03] | I did. Why? | |
| [30:08] | So in the year 2000, | |
| [30:10] | fungus and even black mold was discovered growing in the cave. | |
| [30:15] | Some blame it on the new air conditioning system | |
| [30:18] | that was installed, some on the high-powered lights. | |
| [30:21] | Others feel that fungus is due to an overgrowth… | |
| [30:25] | Nice. Quiet, please. | |
| [30:27] | Sorry. | Sorry. |
| [30:29] | Dwight, I would like you to apologize | |
| [30:32] | to this beautiful, beautiful woman | |
| [30:34] | for forcing her to walk five miles, | |
| [30:36] | which, for her, is basically a death march. | |
| [30:38] | She should thank me. Okay, Phyllis, thank Dwight first. | |
| [30:41] | Why should I have to thank him? | |
| [30:43] | You’re right. You’re right! Just… Dwight, do it. | |
| [30:44] | Just say it, okay? | |
| [30:46] | I apologize for creating a ruse which forced you to exercise. | |
| [30:49] | Finally. Right? Okay. | |
| [30:52] | Phyllis, you must be exhausted from standing on those gams. | |
| [30:54] | Why don’t you have a seat? Let’s all clap at Phyllis. | |
| [30:57] | Okay! Michael Klump wants to remind you that corporate, | |
| [31:03] | their idea, yes, was to urge you to lose weight. | |
| [31:07] | But more importantly, what this whole thing is about, | |
| [31:09] | this contest is really about being healthy. | |
| [31:12] | And in order to be healthy, you have to eat. Kelly. Kelly… | |
| [31:19] | Kelly, I want you to stand up on your chair. | |
| [31:22] | Come on. Stand up on your chair. Stand up. | |
| [31:24] | Stand up. Stand up. Somebody help her. | |
| [31:27] | Here we go. Okay. I want you to look at her. | |
| [31:30] | She’s a beautiful Indian woman. | |
| [31:33] | Why? What makes her beautiful? | |
| [31:35] | Everything. She’s perfect. | |
| [31:37] | I like her nails. | |
| [31:38] | Okay, be more specific. | |
| [31:40] | I like her fingernails. | |
| [31:41] | I like her purple dress. | |
| [31:43] | What about her looks? | |
| [31:44] | Hell of an ass. | |
| [31:47] | What else do people like? | |
| [31:49] | I wonder what people like about me. | |
| [31:53] | Probably my jugs. | |
| [31:55] | Kelly, will you just agree to stop this madness | |
| [31:58] | and stop trying to kill yourself? | |
| [32:00] | I hate dieting. I hate it so much. | |
| [32:02] | I hate this worm inside of me. | |
| [32:05] | I want you to know… Kelly, look at me. | |
| [32:07] | I want you to know that you are beautiful. | |
| [32:10] | You are truly, truly beautiful. | |
| [32:13] | Give me a hug. | |
| [32:16] | Mmm… | |
| [32:18] | Summer’s going great. | |
| [32:19] | Just spent two hours listening to Michael Klump. | |
| [32:22] | I have a weird pain in my left side that I’m convinced is an ulcer. | |
| [32:26] | My girlfriend lives in New York, | |
| [32:28] | and I haven’t seen her in 10 days. | |
| [32:31] | How’s your summer? | |
| [32:40] | Hey, Ryan, look. Shaved off my goatee. | |
| [32:43] | I am goatee-less. We are the goatee-less brothers. | |
| [32:47] | Yep. | |
| [32:50] | How was Friday night? | |
| [32:52] | Oh, I had a good time. | |
| [32:54] | But it’s been three days and no call. | |
| [32:58] | I even have two tickets to see Counting Crows for tonight, so… | |
| [33:01] | He’ll call. | |
| [33:02] | Oscar, enough of the girl talk, please. | |
| [33:05] | You guys lost four pounds. Hey. | |
| [33:07] | I say we have a parade. | |
| [33:08] | Excellent. – We better. | |
| [33:10] | Good job. | |
| [33:11] | So, as it turns out, tonight is my nephew’s tee ball game | |
| [33:15] | and I kind of missed the first three, so… | |
| [33:18] | You’ve already disappointed him so much. | |
| [33:19] | He can’t be expecting a lot from you. | |
| [33:21] | I know. I suck. | |
| [33:22] | Yes, you do. | |
| [33:24] | Dwight says hi. | |
| [33:25] | I do not. I do not say hi, Pam. | |
| [33:28] | He’s saying hi louder. | |
| [33:29] | All right, listen, we’re still good for this weekend, right? | |
| [33:32] | No tee ball games, recitals, karate tournaments. | |
| [33:37] | Hey, can you go to IM? Okay. | |
| [33:39] | Okay. | |
| [33:46] | What are you writing about me? | |
| [33:59] | I’m going to write you both up for not working. | |
| [34:01] | I’m going to write you up for not working. | |
| [34:05] | Okay. Well played. | |
| [34:08] | Neither of us will write the other up for not working. | |
| [34:37] | Yeah? Oh, hey. Did he call? | |
| [34:41] | I just got… Kendall? I just got off… No, no. | |
| [34:43] | Did… I heard you talking to Oscar about that guy. | |
| [34:46] | What… What happened? Did he call? | |
| [34:47] | Oh. No. | |
| [34:49] | Really? No. | |
| [34:50] | And you know what? I even got two tickets | |
| [34:52] | to see the Counting Crows tonight as a surprise. | |
| [34:54] | Why do guys not call when they say they’re going to call? | |
| [34:57] | I don’t know. I always call everybody back right away. | |
| [35:01] | But he’ll call back, though. | |
| [35:02] | Give him until the end of the day. | |
| [35:03] | He’ll call. He’ll call. | |
| [35:04] | If he doesn’t, he is loco. | |
| [35:08] | Thanks. That’s sweet. | |
| [35:10] | Anyways, it seems like we lost to Utica by only eight pounds. | |
| [35:16] | Well, at least everyone lost weight. | |
| [35:19] | That’s all that really matters. | |
| [35:20] | Wait, could we have till the end of the day? | |
| [35:24] | So we’re only eight pounds behind Utica. | |
| [35:27] | Now, I know it’s a stretch, | |
| [35:29] | but we could weigh ourselves again at the end of the day | |
| [35:32] | and maybe win this thing after all. | |
| [35:34] | Leave it to me, boss. | |
| [35:35] | I can get this whole office to make weight. | |
| [35:44] | It’s going to be a little toasty in here. | |
| [35:47] | Good old-fashioned sweat lodge. | |
| [35:49] | Andy Bernard does not lose contests. | |
| [35:51] | He wins them. | |
| [35:53] | Or he quits them because they’re unfair. | |
| [36:01] | Hey, is that healthy food? | |
| [36:03] | Nope. | |
| [36:04] | We’re trying to win a contest here, Kelly. Please. | |
| [36:08] | Hey, Michael, I just scheduled lunch with a client, | |
| [36:10] | so I might be back a little late. | |
| [36:11] | Okay, that is fine. | |
| [36:14] | Just water and be back by weigh-in. Okay? | |
| [36:16] | Perfect. | |
| [36:24] | I hate to even ask because you’ve been so accommodating | |
| [36:27] | about all the wedding stuff… Your wish is my command. | |
| [36:31] | Is there any way our first dance can be to my favorite song? | |
| [36:35] | The Little Drummer Boy. | |
| [36:38] | Of course. | |
| [36:39] | Really? Yeah! I mean, it’s a great song. | |
| [36:41] | I always thought it was bigger than Christmas, | |
| [36:43] | anyway, you know? Mmm-hmm. | |
| [36:45] | And you know what? The guys already know it, | |
| [36:46] | so it’s easy breezy. | |
| [36:47] | The guys? | |
| [36:50] | I didn’t tell you. | |
| [36:51] | Here Comes Treble, class of ’96, | |
| [36:53] | was available for our big day, | |
| [36:55] | so I booked them. | |
| [36:57] | I don’t think that… | |
| [36:59] | And they’re collectively my best man. | |
| [37:01] | And they’re crashing with us for three weeks, so it totally works out. | |
| [37:05] | I don’t know if I want your old college a cappella group | |
| [37:08] | to be our wedding band. | |
| [37:15] | Okay, I hear you, sweetheart, but this is a deal breaker. | |
| [37:24] | But you know what? You’re going to love these guys. | |
| [37:26] | Carl I, Carl II, Broccoli Rob, Spare Rib, Doobie, Lunchbox. | |
| [37:32] | Boner Champ, that’s me, | |
| [37:34] | Pubey Lewis and the News, Hopscotch, Jingle Jangle, Sandwich. | |
| [37:39] | These are the best best men a guy could ever hope for. | |
| [37:44] | Let’s talk about this later. Okay. | |
| [38:08] | Hey, this is not halfway. | |
| [38:11] | I did the math. I had to drive way longer than you. | |
| [38:15] | Montclair would have been closer, so you have to buy lunch. | |
| [38:21] | What are you doing? | |
| [38:23] | I just can’t wait. | |
| [38:26] | Oh, my God. | |
| [38:31] | Pam, will you marry me? | |
| [38:33] | Oh, my God! | |
| [38:37] | So? | |
| [38:39] | Yes. | |
| [38:51] | God! Where is Jim? | |
| [38:55] | I’m calling it. | |
| [38:56] | I guess that’s curtains for the yoga guy. | |
| [38:59] | Oh, really? | |
| [39:00] | Yeah. | |
| [39:01] | I have to say, I think the problem with that whole thing… | |
| [39:04] | Yeah? | |
| [39:05] | …was that he was a complete stupid idiot. | |
| [39:08] | Oh, man, I really wanted to see them. | |
| [39:10] | I know. | |
| [39:11] | I love… I love Counting Crows. | |
| [39:13] | Look where my seats were. | |
| [39:15] | Wow! Really? Yeah. | |
| [39:17] | That’s a shame. | |
| [39:19] | Shame to waste these. | |
| [39:23] | I want to buy them from you. | |
| [39:27] | Michael, you don’t have to buy them. I do. No… | |
| [39:29] | I do. I… I want to. Trust me, I really do. | |
| [39:34] | Okay. | |
| [39:35] | Okay? Yeah. | |
| [39:37] | All right. | |
| [39:39] | All right. | |
| [39:44] | Just… I want you to just forget about him, okay? Case closed. | |
| [39:51] | Can I pay you tomorrow? | |
| [39:52] | I have like a $60 limit on my ATM, so… | |
| [39:55] | Yeah. Is that good? | |
| [39:57] | Hey. Sorry, everybody. | |
| [39:59] | Hey, what are you smiling about there, | |
| [40:00] | smiley pants? You’re late. | |
| [40:02] | Wet Tuna. | |
| [40:04] | Hey, Dwight. – Okay. | |
| [40:06] | What’s up, Meredith? Nothing. | |
| [40:07] | You’re dripping on me. | |
| [40:08] | Darryl, would you do the honors? | |
| [40:10] | 2,175. | |
| [40:13] | Sorry, guys. No, no, no. No, no. | |
| [40:14] | I don’t want to hear moaning. | |
| [40:15] | This is a good day. | |
| [40:17] | You guys accomplished something big. | |
| [40:20] | You lost a ton of weight, literally, a lot of weight. | |
| [40:24] | And I don’t care what any stupid scale says, | |
| [40:26] | you guys are all gigantic losers. | |
| [40:31] | I don’t know about anyone else, | |
| [40:32] | but it was a good summer for me. | |
| [40:34] | I lost seven pounds. | |
| [40:37] | And you know what? | |
| [40:38] | I’m just going to take five days off anyway. | |
| [40:58] | I went zip lining my third day in Costa Rica. | |
| [41:02] | I guess the harness wasrt strapped in exactly right. | |
| [41:06] | I broke my neck. And… | |
| [41:11] | I’ve been in the hospital five weeks now. | |
| [41:15] | I still haven’t seen the beach. | |
| [41:20] | It’s nice to have visitors. |