| 时间 | 英文 | 中文 |
|---|---|---|
| [00:51] | It’s bigger than I thought. | 比我想象中的要大 |
| [01:02] | This is nice. This is nice. This is fuckin’ nice. | 这挺好的 真挺好的 |
| [01:07] | This is nice. | 挺好的 |
| [01:12] | Oh, man. | 天啊 |
| [01:17] | – G‐Bo? – Yeah? | -詹宝 -怎么了 |
| [01:21] | How ya doin’, Pop? | 你怎么样 老爸 |
| [01:24] | Oh, man. | 天啊 |
| [01:26] | Now we’re in room 104. | 我们在104房间里 |
| [01:29] | – What a trip. – Great set. | -旅途真好 -安排得不错 |
| [01:32] | What a trip. | 旅途真棒 |
| [01:33] | 詹尼·阿罗内和吉米·雷·弗林是 两位来自洛杉矶的艺术家 今晚下榻在104房间 | |
| [01:42] | Oh, look at this. This is good stuff here too. | 快看啊 这里也有好东西 |
| [01:44] | Look at this, G-bo. | 快看 詹宝 |
| [01:45] | Oh, my God. They got all kinds of stuff over here. | 天啊 他们这里有好多东西 |
| [01:48] | There’s a lot of dynamics with this room. | 这个房间充满了活力 |
| [01:50] | 他们将用找来的东西 把这个房间变成一个艺术品 | |
| [01:55] | Oh, G-bo! Look at this. Look at this. | 詹宝 看看这个 看看这个 |
| [02:00] | – Yeah, that’s good. – Perfect. | -这挺好的 -太好了 |
| [02:02] | It’s got like a canvas texture to it. | 这个纹理和画布一样 |
| [02:04] | Perfect. | 很好 |
| [02:05] | If you had told me a year ago, | 如果你一年前跟我说 |
| [02:08] | where we were and where we are, | 我们之前在哪儿 现在在哪儿 |
| [02:09] | that this is the deal, I would’ve never believed it. | 这就是我们的现状 我是不会相信的 |
| [02:13] | – OK, so I have a thought. – What? | -我有个想法 -什么 |
| [02:15] | I think if we flip these babies around | 我觉得如果把它们转过去 |
| [02:18] | and throw — get our paint on ’em, they’re gonna dry, | 然后在上面涂点颜料 颜料会干 |
| [02:20] | and then we can flip ’em back around | 然后再把它们转回来 |
| [02:22] | and put our — our strings on while they’re kinda drying. | 在颜料快干的时候把绳子放在上面 |
| [02:25] | ‘Cause at some point I’m gonna put it on the wall. | 因为我终究会把它挂墙上的 |
| [02:28] | Ok. | 好 |
| [02:30] | These are nice and light, this is perfect. | 这些很好 又很轻 真是太棒了 |
| [02:32] | – The box springs are light. – They’re like a canvas, | -弹簧床垫很轻 -是帆布制的 |
| [02:36] | so the objective is to use the box springs | 所以我们的目标是使用弹簧床垫 |
| [02:38] | so we have two separate pieces | 这样我们有两件不同的作品 |
| [02:40] | Gianni Arone, Jimmy Ray Flynn | 詹尼·阿罗内和吉米·雷·弗林 |
| [02:43] | and then everything else is up for grabs. | 剩下的一切就顺理成章了 |
| [02:50] | Yeah, nice. | 很好 |
| [02:51] | Uh, you’re not gonna hit the edges? | 你不打算把边缘涂上吗 |
| [02:53] | I’m just going… | 我要… |
| [02:54] | – Hit those edges. – You hit those edges. | -把边缘涂上 -你涂边 |
| [02:58] | – OK. – I didn’t mean it for real. | -好 -我不是说击打[涂上]边缘 |
| [03:05] | What? You said I could hit the edges. | 怎么了 你说我可以涂满边缘的 |
| [03:07] | – No, leave it. – No, baby, come on. | -不行 留给我 -宝贝 拜托 |
| [03:09] | – They gotta have the balance. – No, they don’t. | -颜色需要平衡 -不用 |
| [03:11] | – No, you don’t. – Just let me finish it. | -你不用涂了 -让我涂完 |
| [03:13] | All right. | 好了 |
| [03:21] | Yeah, I’m gonna have to wait till this dries. | 我要等到颜料干了 |
| [03:22] | Yeah, it’s gotta dry a little bit. | 已经干了一点了 |
| [03:24] | Do you wanna do like… | 你想做… |
| [03:26] | a lamp, or you want to do something else? | 台灯 或是其他的吗 |
| [03:28] | Because I’m gonna be doing some collage stuff. | 因为我要做点有大学气息的 |
| [03:37] | I’m not an artist | 我这个艺术家 |
| [03:38] | who is formally trained | 没受过专业训练 |
| [03:40] | and who is doing oils | 不画油画 |
| [03:43] | and, like, rendering lifelike drawings. | 不画写生 |
| [03:46] | I just like makin’. | 我只制作 |
| [03:50] | Looks good. | 看起来不错 |
| [03:51] | Did I spell “Experiencing” Right? Dad? | “经历”两个字我写得对吗 爸爸 |
| [03:54] | Oh, shit. Is this, like, a spelling thing? | 该死 是怎么拼写 |
| [03:56] | – I don’t know. – “Experien…” | -我不知道 -“经…” |
| [03:58] | Can’t tell. I can’t remember. | 不知道 想不起来了 |
| [04:00] | Spelling’s not my thing. | 我真的不擅长拼写 |
| [04:03] | I think so. Jimi Hendrix Experience. Let’s see… | 我觉得是这么写 吉米·亨德里克斯的经历 |
| [04:07] | – I don’t know. – Yeah, it’s fine. | -我不知道 -无所谓 |
| [04:10] | I work fast and in the moment, | 我干活很快 |
| [04:12] | I stay in the process. | 我专注于创作的过程 |
| [04:16] | I like that. I like when you do that shit. | 我喜欢你这种作品 |
| [04:18] | That’s, like, my favorite,when you start spoofing on heads. | 我最喜欢你画夸张的头 |
| [04:22] | I just like getting into it, | 我喜欢沉浸在其中 |
| [04:24] | and I love installations. | 我喜欢装置艺术 |
| [04:26] | So to be able to use the parameters of the room… | 使用这个房间里的元素 |
| [04:30] | because it’s an installation. | 因为这是装置艺术 |
| [04:34] | I like that. That’s great. We gotta chop that wall up. | 我喜欢 很棒 我们得把这堵墙拆掉 |
| [04:37] | That’s a piece. | 那是一块 |
| [04:39] | I’m his biggest fan. | 我是他的超级粉丝 |
| [04:41] | I’m his number — | 我是他的头号… |
| [04:41] | I love a lot of arts, but he’s the best. | 我喜欢很多种艺术 但他是最棒的 |
| [04:45] | Gianni, you picked out some really good things. | 詹尼 你选了一些特别好的东西 |
| [04:47] | This is great. It’s got tape on it, too. | 这很棒 上面还有胶带 |
| [04:49] | Yeah, that’s the one I liked. | 这个我很喜欢 |
| [04:50] | – You keep this one. – No, use it. | -你留着吧 -用了吧 |
| [04:51] | – No no, I mean, keep it. – Use it. | -不不 留着吧 -用了吧 |
| [04:54] | Ok. | 好 |
| [04:56] | He kinda like inspired me. | 他激励着我 |
| [04:57] | We had talked about collaborating for a long time, | 合作的事宜我们谈了很久 |
| [05:00] | but there’s something that happened this year | 但今年发生了一些事情 |
| [05:03] | with Gianni dealing with his ‐‐ | 与詹尼和他的病魔作斗争 |
| [05:06] | I call it “Mental wellness,” | 我管这叫”心理健康” |
| [05:07] | that allowed it to flowin a way that didn’t feel forced. | 这让它以一种不被禁锢的方式流动 |
| [05:11] | I said, “Hey, man, you wanna do this?” | 我说 “老兄 你想做吗” |
| [05:13] | “Yeah, let’s do it.” We started doing it. | “我们去做吧” 我们就开始了 |
| [05:18] | I like this, G-bo. | 我喜欢这个 詹宝 |
| [05:20] | I like the two ones. | 我喜欢这两个 |
| [05:24] | I like it. | 我喜欢 |
| [05:25] | This is like my favorite material. Yeah. | 这是我最喜欢的 |
| [05:37] | Can you get out of that light for a second, please? | 你能不能别挡着光 |
| [05:40] | Yeah, you. | 说你呢 |
| [05:43] | Tell me that doesn’t look fucking cool. | 快看 多好看 |
| [05:48] | I know a lot of my friendshave fractured relationships with their dads. | 我知道我的很多朋友都和父亲关系破裂 |
| [05:58] | My buddies. | 小伙子 |
| [06:03] | Say, “Hi, Mom.” | 和妈妈打招呼 |
| [06:05] | As a little kid, I just remember a present father. | 我小时候只记得现在的父亲 |
| [06:13] | He just created, like, | 他创造了一个 |
| [06:14] | a nurturing environment for creativity. | 孕育创造力的生长环境 |
| [06:16] | He would put on, like, Tracy Chapman and music | 他会放特蕾西·查普曼和音乐 |
| [06:19] | and we would get pots and pans and play the drums. | 我们会用锅碗瓢盆来打鼓 |
| [06:23] | Happy birthday. I’m gonna go now. | 生日快乐 我要走了 |
| [06:25] | I want you to give me a kiss. | 我先让你亲我一下 |
| [06:29] | And he’s grown into my best friend. | 他成了我最好的朋友 |
| [06:33] | It wasn’t always like that. | 并不都是这样的 |
| [06:39] | it really didn’t start to happen until the friggin’ | 直到那家伙开始滥用毒品和酒精的时候 |
| [06:42] | started with the drugs and alcohol. | 事情才开始发生 |
| [06:44] | I mean, that’s when it just became a whole ‘nother animal. | 就是那时 它变成了另一种动物 |
| [06:47] | That’s when it started to be this clear kind of… | 那时事情开始清晰起来… |
| [06:53] | You gotta be careful with the spray paint, though. | 你得小心那些喷漆 |
| [06:55] | – I know. – All right. | -我知道 -好的 |
| [07:00] | Yeah, it was shortly after high school | 就在高中毕业后的不久 |
| [07:03] | when I just opened up to something and I just | 当我接触了那些东西 我就 |
| [07:06] | went in. I mean, | 深陷其中 |
| [07:08] | you go from smokin’ weed after high school | 从高中毕业之后抽大麻 |
| [07:11] | to next year doin’ meth, | 第二年就发展到吸毒 |
| [07:13] | Like smokin’ crystal meth, | 比如吸冰毒 |
| [07:14] | – Which is just like a… – The fuckin’ moron. | -那感觉就像是… -太蠢了 |
| [07:16] | Which is like a epidemic of a drug, | 那感觉就是最时兴的毒品 |
| [07:19] | and took me to places I thought I’d never go to | 带我进入了一个全新的世界 |
| [07:23] | emotionally, physically, | 在情感上 肉体上 |
| [07:25] | mentally, spiritually, psychologically. | 精神上 心理上 |
| [07:27] | It’ll steal your friggin’ soul. I don’t give a shit, | 那东西会从精神上摧毁你 我才不管 |
| [07:29] | I hear him say the word “Meth,” | 我听到他提起”冰毒”这俩字 |
| [07:31] | and I get like, “I’m goin’ to another place now,” | 我就想说”我一刻也不想待在这了” |
| [07:34] | ’cause I just… It’s, like, evil. | 因为我就是… 那东西太罪恶了 |
| [07:39] | Not only did I do meth, but I did LSD, | 我不仅吸毒 还用迷幻剂 |
| [07:41] | I did mushrooms, I smoked weed. | 迷幻蘑菇 抽大麻 |
| [07:43] | I smoked heroin once. | 还吸过一次海洛因 |
| [07:44] | Like I went down the pipeline of, just like… | 就像我不停堕落着… |
| [07:47] | “What does it do? How does it affect me? | “这是干什么的 会如何影响我 |
| [07:48] | Let’s try it.” | 我们试试看吧” |
| [07:51] | I was microdosing LSD for, like, a year straight. | 我有整整一年都少量地在吸迷幻剂 |
| [07:54] | And, like, that has a huge effect on your brain chemistry, | 那对你的大脑有很大影响 |
| [07:59] | and I started hearing voices. | 我开始出现幻听 |
| [08:09] | I’m gonna start my collaging. I’m gonna collage over here. | 我要开始拼图了 我要在那边拼 |
| [08:13] | I’m gonna work over here. | 我要在这边工作了 |
| [08:15] | You know, it’s interesting we’re doing this now, | 我们现在做这个挺有意思的 |
| [08:17] | we’re literally coming up on the year anniversary. | 我们真的就快到一周年纪念日了 |
| [08:23] | Let me just back it up a second. | 我先倒回一下 |
| [08:25] | Make a little wish, OK? | 许个愿 好吗 |
| [08:27] | The night Gianni was born, I remember him coming out | 詹尼出生的那晚 我记得他出来的那刻 |
| [08:29] | and watching the life come into his body. | 看着他有了生命 |
| [08:32] | He just looked at me. It was surreal. | 他就这么看着我 一切都很不真实 |
| [08:35] | Cut to December fifth…of last year. | 再跳到去年的…12月5日 |
| [08:42] | He came to my house | 他跑到我家 |
| [08:45] | in a full blown psychotic episode. | 精神状态完全不正常 |
| [08:48] | I didn’t know who the fuck he was. | 我甚至都不知道他是谁 |
| [08:55] | We had this thing literally in the backyard, | 我们真的就在后院进行了一场谈话 |
| [08:57] | we were sitting there, we were talking across from each other, | 我们坐在那 面对面交谈着 |
| [08:59] | and he was like in a full blown episode. | 他处于一种精神不正常状态 |
| [09:01] | At one point he said to me, | 他突然跟我说 |
| [09:02] | he said “Don’t worry, I’m not gonna kill you.” | 他说”别担心 我不会杀掉你的” |
| [09:04] | And I thought, “Is this motherfucker thinkin’ about killin’ me?” | 然后我想”这个混蛋是在思考要干掉我吗” |
| [09:07] | And I was petrified. | 我都吓呆了 |
| [09:09] | I said, “Gianni, I’m gonna go in the house and get some water.” | 我说 “詹尼 我进去倒点水喝” |
| [09:11] | I went in the house and I called the cops. | 我走进房子 报了警 |
| [09:13] | And I said, “You gotta come and get my son.” | 然后我说”你们可以来抓走我的儿子了” |
| [09:20] | All I know is, it was like | 我知道的就是… |
| [09:22] | the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do in my life. | 那是我这辈子做过最困难的事了 |
| [09:30] | The cops come, Gianni got in the car | 警察来了 把詹尼押进车里 |
| [09:33] | and, you know, they took him to the fucking psych unit and shit, | 然后他被强制进行心理咨询 |
| [09:37] | and we went there, first night I go in, | 然后我们去了那 第一天晚上我去看他 |
| [09:39] | he’s like fuckin’ doing cartwheels | 他在做侧手翻 |
| [09:41] | or backflips in the thing, | 或者后空翻 |
| [09:43] | he’s head butting me, | 他让我头疼不已 |
| [09:44] | he’s really angry, really agitated. | 他十分生气 特别恼火 |
| [09:46] | And then we found out | 然后我们发现 |
| [09:48] | that he’s got a dual diagnosis. | 他被诊断出两种病 |
| [09:50] | Couple that with the addiction. It’s a mental illness. | 包括毒瘾 还有心理疾病 |
| [09:54] | So now you’re dealing with a whole ‘nother thing. | 那现在你面临的就完全是另一件事了 |
| [09:59] | How ya doin’, G? | 怎么样了 詹宝 |
| [10:03] | Yeah, it’s… | 有些… |
| [10:05] | It’s all over the place. | 有些到处都是的感觉 |
| [10:08] | All right, well, it’s your thing, baby. | 亲爱的 这是你想表达的 |
| [10:19] | Let’s put a whole series together… | 我们把整个系列放一起吧… |
| [10:21] | I’ve been diagnosed bipolar I and II, | 我被诊断为双相I型和II型 |
| [10:23] | schizoaffective, schizophrenic. | 情感分裂性障碍 精神分裂症 |
| [10:25] | I don’t know if my mental illness was just caused from my drug use. | 我不清楚是不是毒品导致了我的心理疾病 |
| [10:29] | Is it chemically induced mental illness, | 毒品诱导出心理疾病 |
| [10:31] | or is actually something that’s biological? | 还是说它是遗传的 |
| [10:31] | Or something that onset later? | 先潜伏着 以后发作 |
| [10:36] | They would diagnose me, | 他们会作出诊断 |
| [10:37] | and I’d do the meds for a little bit, | 我得吃点药 |
| [10:39] | then I’d take myself off ’em because I was just like, | 然后我自己停药了 因为我想说 |
| [10:42] | I’m an alcoholic and I’m an addict, | 我是酒精和毒品成瘾者 |
| [10:45] | and I like feeling high, | 我喜欢感觉兴奋 |
| [10:46] | and when I’m unmedicated and I go into mania, | 而不吃药的时候 我躁狂发作 |
| [10:49] | I feel high from that. | 我从中感受到兴奋 |
| [10:54] | I like feeling a little off, | 我喜欢感觉有点低落 |
| [10:56] | I like feeling a little weird, | 我喜欢感觉有点奇怪 |
| [10:57] | I like feeling a little askew | 我喜欢感觉有点不正常 |
| [10:59] | and not totally bolted to the ground. | 而不完全循规蹈矩 |
| [11:06] | Can you throw me one of those rags real quick? | 你可以马上扔给我一块抹布吗 |
| [11:07] | Like the big hand? | 喜欢这只大手吗 |
| [11:11] | It’s a little too big for my taste, but | 我感觉有些太大了 但是 |
| [11:13] | Can you throw me one of those rags, please? | 可以扔给我一块抹布吗 |
| [11:17] | Maybe it is too big of a hand. | 或许对于手来说 是有些大了 |
| [11:21] | Wanna have a seat? Wanna sit down? | 想要坐下吗 坐会儿吗 |
| [11:24] | G-bo. | 詹宝 |
| [11:26] | Wanna sit down? | 想要坐下吗 |
| [11:32] | I don’t like it at all right now. | 我现在一点都不满意 |
| [11:35] | There’s no question in my mind you’re gonna get there. | 我毫不怀疑你最后能完成 |
| [11:38] | No, I know, I’m not worried about getting there. | 不 我明白 我不担心完不完的成 |
| [11:40] | So just like whatever you jumped in, the paint was still wet… | 所以就是无论你添上去什么 画还没干 |
| [11:45] | – You know what I mean? – Looks like a big chicken. | -你明白我的意思吗 -看起来像是很大只的鸡 |
| [11:47] | I don’t see a chicken at all. | 我看着完全不像鸡 |
| [11:49] | I mean I just see like a fuckin’… | 我的意思是 我看到的就是… |
| [11:51] | – A blob. – I don’t see a blob, | -一团墨 -我看着也不像一团墨 |
| [11:53] | I just see a very exaggerated, grotesque… | 我看到的不过是一个夸张 荒诞的… |
| [11:57] | If I were you, one of the things I would do is, | 要是我是你 我会做的是 |
| [11:59] | I would hit your canvas | 我会在你的画布上重画 |
| [12:01] | so there’s kind of a little bit more white to it, | 那么上面会多出一点空白 |
| [12:04] | and then as you go over it, the other things will pop out. | 然后你重做之后 就会突显出其他东西 |
| [12:07] | – Yeah, I agree. – Right? | -我同意 -对吧 |
| [12:09] | So just hit it again. | 所以再画就好 |
| [12:14] | What are you doin’? Why don’t you hit it with the roller? | 你在干什么 为什么不拿滚筒 |
| [12:16] | ‘Cause I don’t like the roller. | 因为我不喜欢滚筒 |
| [12:17] | Ohh, Gianni, the paint’s gonna take forever to dry. | 詹尼 这样的话 要好久画也干不了了 |
| [12:25] | He’s not fuckin’ listenin’ to me. | 他完全听不进我的话 |
| [12:30] | The way you’re doing that, man, | 你这样做 |
| [12:31] | it’s gonna take a long time to dry. | 要好久才会干 |
| [12:37] | These are lessons that I was supposed to learn about, | 这些是我应该吸取的教训 |
| [12:39] | like, backin’ off, | 放手不管就好 |
| [12:41] | not micromanaging. | 而不是什么小事都要管 |
| [12:46] | Yeah, man, I would just hit that. | 对啊 我就会直接覆盖 |
| [12:47] | Hit the edge too. | 边上也涂满 |
| [12:50] | Yeah, there you go, brother. | 这才对嘛 |
| [12:53] | Yeah, man, that’s much better. | 这样就好多了 |
| [12:58] | For me, being born into a human body on planet Earth | 对我来说 寄生在地球上一个人类的躯壳里 |
| [13:03] | didn’t make sense to me. | 并不舒服 |
| [13:04] | I’m like, what am I‐‐ what is this? | 我就像是 我是谁…这是什么 |
| [13:06] | What’s this night/day, love/hate, good/bad, | 白天与黑夜 爱与恨 好与坏 都是什么 |
| [13:10] | all this polarity, all this separation? | 这两极分化都是什么 |
| [13:12] | This doesn’t make sense to my inherent nature | 我实在不能理解 |
| [13:14] | and my inherent being of oneness and completeness and, like, a unified whole. | 在我的内心深处 那个完整统一的自己 |
| [13:19] | I feel fractured and separated and alone and weird, | 我感觉被割裂了 有些孤独和古怪 |
| [13:22] | and I’ve always been fascinated with the moment of death, | 我一直对死亡那刻很着迷 |
| [13:26] | and so I… | 所以我… |
| [13:30] | wanted to meet death a couple times on my own sword. | 我想要自己体验几次死亡 |
| [13:34] | Maybe I’ll just do a big horse on it. | 也许我会画一匹大马 |
| [13:41] | For me, I had… | 对我来说 我 |
| [13:43] | two attempts on my life, | 我这辈子自杀过两次 |
| [13:46] | one was when I was younger, | 其中一次是我年轻点的时候 |
| [13:49] | and then the last one was more intentional. | 最近一次是更加刻意的 |
| [13:52] | Gonna wait for it to dry. | 得等这干掉 |
| [13:53] | I had an episode that I can only describe | 那一次可以说是 |
| [13:56] | as losing the letters and the numbers. | 丧失了言语和数字表达功能 |
| [13:59] | I couldn’t articulate myself, and therefore, | 我无法表达自己 于是 |
| [14:01] | when I came out of the psychosis | 我从精神病院出来时 |
| [14:03] | I couldn’t relate to anyone. | 基本不认得任何人 |
| [14:05] | And I created this rig, | 我就计划了 |
| [14:07] | and I was about to turn on the switch, | 差点就要自杀了 |
| [14:10] | and then there was a knock on my door, | 然后门外突然传来一阵敲门声 |
| [14:12] | and my ex‐girlfriend Sunshine knocked on‐‐ opened the door | 是我的前女友桑珊敲门 打开了门 |
| [14:16] | and saved my life, called my dad. | 救了我的命 打给了我爸爸 |
| [14:19] | As he’s telling you he’s whatever, | 不管他怎么和你形容自己 |
| [14:21] | I have to respect what he’s saying, | 我都要尊重他所说的话 |
| [14:23] | ’cause it’s real for him. | 因为那对他来说是真实的 |
| [14:24] | There was a point when he was | 有段时间他不是在医院 |
| [14:27] | either in the hospital or just getting out, | 就是在出院的路上 |
| [14:30] | I said, “You know something? I will talk to you, | 我说”你知道吗 我愿意和你说 |
| [14:32] | but I won’t talk to your psychosis.” | 但我不愿意和你的精神病院交流” |
| [14:35] | So for him to tell you this story, | 所以他是要告诉你这个故事 |
| [14:38] | and for me to listen to it, whatever, | 而我是要聆听 |
| [14:39] | I have to remind myself | 我要提醒自己 |
| [14:41] | they’re very real for him. | 这对他来说是非常真实的 |
| [14:43] | I don’t relate to it, you know? | 我无法理解 |
| [14:45] | I mean, I don’t fuckin’ relate to it, | 我完全无法理解 |
| [14:46] | but it’s real for him, so I gotta respect it. | 但对他来说是真实的 所以我要尊重他 |
| [14:49] | Yeah. Well. | 好了 |
| [14:51] | ‐ A horse. ‐ Yeah. | -一匹马 -嗯 |
| [14:56] | Yeah, | 嗯 |
| [14:57] | today I want to live, like, uh, | 今天我想活着 |
| [15:00] | when I had those suicide attempts, | 我有自杀倾向时 |
| [15:02] | I didn’t feel like this life that I’m living today was possible | 我觉得我根本活不过今天 |
| [15:07] | or even on my radar, so more will be revealed | 或者我根本感受不到 如果你坚持下去 |
| [15:10] | if you stick around. | 你会知道更多 |
| [15:15] | Today, like, I like peace of mind. | 今天 我想要平静心灵 |
| [15:18] | For the most part if someone asks me how I’m doing, | 一般来说 如果有人问我怎么样 |
| [15:20] | it’s like, not too high, not too low, | 不是很亢奋 也不是很低落 |
| [15:23] | not a lot going on upstairs, it’s just quiet. | 没有什么大事 只是很平静 |
| [15:26] | This is the first time in my life I’ve felt like that, | 这是我在人生中第一次有这种感觉 |
| [15:28] | but it’s two components: | 但这包含两部分 |
| [15:30] | being sober and being med‐compliant. | 保持清醒并遵照医嘱 |
| [15:33] | You got so much friggin’ paint on it. | 你用了好多颜料 |
| [15:36] | You got a ton of paint on this, Gianni. | 你这上面用了好多颜料 詹尼 |
| [15:41] | I myself had a‐‐ | 我也有… |
| [15:42] | I don’t want to call it a suicide attempt, | 我不喜欢管这个叫做自杀倾向 |
| [15:43] | but I ended up in a 72‐hour hold in a psych unit | 但我在1989年还是1990年的时候 |
| [15:46] | back in whatever year, it was 1989, ’90. | 进精神病院监护了72小时 |
| [15:51] | Gianni’s mom and I were going through a really hard time | 詹尼的妈妈和我当时的感情很不好 |
| [15:54] | and we split up, | 我们后来分开了 |
| [15:56] | and I don’t want to get into details, | 我不想说细节 |
| [15:59] | but I never forget this friggin’ guy | 但我绝对不会忘记那个混蛋 |
| [16:01] | sittin’ across from me and saying, | 坐在我对面说 |
| [16:04] | “You realize you’re never gonna see your kids again, right?” | “你知道你以后不会再见到你的孩子们了吧” |
| [16:07] | And it was like, boom. | 当时我就炸了 |
| [16:11] | Sound. Be ready. | 贴好了 准备好了 |
| [16:14] | I’m from that generation of men | 我是那一代 |
| [16:17] | where you didn’t go to therapy. | 不会去做心理治疗的人 |
| [16:19] | When you got into those places, | 当你陷入这种处境 |
| [16:22] | you just friggin’ toughed it out. | 你只会强撑过去 |
| [16:23] | But you know what? It doesn’t always work that way. | 但是你知道吗 不是强撑就会过去的 |
| [16:26] | When you’re in crisis, when you’re in that state, | 当你陷入危机 当你陷入那种状态 |
| [16:30] | you have to find a way to ask for help. | 你得想办法寻求帮助 |
| [16:32] | You have to find a way to get yourself into | 你得想办法让你自己 |
| [16:35] | a safe environment with professionals, | 到一个有专业人士帮助的安全环境里 |
| [16:38] | and there’s people out there that will help you | 有人能够帮助你 |
| [16:41] | take one foot in front of the other. | 一步一步往前走 |
| [16:44] | Yeah, it takes a lot of courage. | 那需要很大的勇气 |
| [16:45] | It takes guts. | 需要勇气 |
| [16:46] | And on some level I have a lot of guilt, | 从某种意义上来说 我很愧疚 |
| [16:48] | and I think sometimes my behavior | 我觉得我当初有些时候 |
| [16:50] | in what I did at that time, | 所做出的行为 |
| [16:53] | when I hurt myself‐‐ | 我伤害自己的时候 |
| [16:54] | Gianni was like seven years old. | 詹尼才七岁 |
| [16:57] | I made mistakes, man, I did some things, | 我犯了错 我做了一些不该做的事 |
| [16:59] | and I can’t take any of it back, | 我无法收回这些事 |
| [17:02] | but I realize, you know what, | 但是我意识到 |
| [17:03] | it’s just part of what’s happened in my life. | 这只是人生中的一些过程 |
| [17:10] | Oh, yeah, man, that looks good! | 伙计 看上去很不错 |
| [17:14] | That’s dope. | 太厉害了 |
| [17:15] | Fuck yeah. | 太棒了 |
| [17:17] | What do you think? G‐Bo. | 你觉得怎么样 詹宝 |
| [17:19] | Oh, yeah, dude. | 不错 |
| [17:23] | I like the way that hangs and shit. | 我喜欢挂起来的样子 |
| [17:25] | ‐ You like that? ‐ Yeah, man. | -你喜欢吗 -当然了 伙计 |
| [17:26] | Looks pretty good. | 看起来很棒 |
| [17:29] | I’m faced with a little bit of a decision. | 我面临很多决定 |
| [17:34] | Revolver Head? | 左轮手枪头 |
| [17:36] | No Revolver Head, no. | 不要左轮手枪头 |
| [17:37] | See how the Grotjahn looks. | 看看格罗特雅恩的样子 |
| [17:42] | I love this fucking guy. | 我爱这家伙 |
| [17:45] | I’m not sure if that’s gonna work. | 不知道这样行不行 |
| [17:46] | ‐ There’s too much color. ‐ Yeah. | -色彩太多了 -是的 |
| [17:52] | I don’t think that’s gonna work. | 我觉得不行 |
| [17:53] | ‐ I like the donut. ‐ I like the donut too. | -我喜欢空心 -我也喜欢空心 |
| [17:56] | Yeah, this is‐‐ this is not gonna work like that. | 这 这样不行 |
| [18:04] | For me, the mainstay has been this mantra I’ve had | 对我来说 最重要的是我的座右铭 |
| [18:07] | which is “Process is king.” | “过程是王道” |
| [18:08] | And I find that, like, in the moment of creating, | 我发现在创造的瞬间中 |
| [18:11] | no matter what your mental state is, | 不管你处于什么精神状态 |
| [18:13] | there’s some magical machination | 总有一种神奇的魔力 |
| [18:16] | that happens in the moment of doing something. | 发生在你动手的过程中 |
| [18:18] | Whether you’re hitting the keys on the piano, | 不管你有没有按下琴键 |
| [18:20] | whether you’re a dancer and you’re in the moment of flight, | 不管你是舞者 还是正在飞行 |
| [18:22] | whether you’re hitting the canvas for the first time, | 不管你是不是第一次触碰画布 |
| [18:25] | and it’s just that movement of the brush on the canvas. | 只有在画布上笔刷的动作才是最重要的 |
| [18:28] | In that moment, that’s where it is, | 那一刻 只有在那里 |
| [18:30] | that’s where it’s at. | 才有魔法 |
| [18:33] | Is that a Christmas tree? | 那是圣诞树吗 |
| [18:34] | These weird little trees I’ve been drawing lately… | 我最近画的这些奇怪的小树 |
| [18:38] | that bring me joy. | 能让我很开心 |
| [18:41] | No matter what my state is, | 不管我的精神状态怎么样 |
| [18:43] | I can go to that and have that | 我都可以画画 并拥有 |
| [18:44] | as my, like‐‐ phtt!‐‐ | 我自己的 就这样 |
| [18:46] | centered, boom, know what to do. | 集中注意力 知道该做什么 |
| [18:48] | That’s the gratifying thing, | 这很令人欣慰 |
| [18:49] | that’s why I do art. | 所以我才搞艺术 |
| [18:51] | There’s restraint and pause | 这里有克制和停顿 |
| [18:54] | and peace now, | 还有平静 |
| [18:55] | where I can go to a work, | 我可以开展一幅画作 |
| [18:58] | work on it, | 进行绘画 |
| [18:59] | feel that it’s OK to stop there, | 暂停下来也可以 |
| [19:02] | just be like, “OK, we’re good.” | 只要说 “好了 可以了” |
| [19:10] | I kinda like where mine’s at right now. | 我现在喜欢我的状态 |
| [19:12] | You gonna leave it there? It’s done? | 你就这么放着了吗 画完了吗 |
| [19:13] | Kinda. Yeah. For now. | 差不多 暂时吧 |
| [19:16] | What about the head? | 那脑袋呢 |
| [19:17] | ‐ I like it like that. ‐ Really? | -我喜欢就这样 -真的吗 |
| [19:19] | I just like the silhouette of the head. | 我喜欢头的轮廓 |
| [19:21] | I don’t want to put eyes on it or anything. | 我不喜欢加上眼睛什么的 |
| [19:24] | I got the good jawline on the horse head. | 马头下巴的轮廓线很好 |
| [19:28] | Last year around this time, like, I was scared, | 去年这个时候 我很害怕 |
| [19:32] | I thought I wouldn’t be able to do art again, | 我以为我没法再搞艺术了 |
| [19:34] | but you just do art. | 但只要去做就行了 |
| [19:35] | I did art about not being able to do art again. | 我画了不能再搞艺术的画 |
| [19:38] | I did a piece of art ’cause I was frustrated | 我因为很难过 而画了一幅画 |
| [19:41] | ’cause it didn’t feel right, but I still did it. | 因为虽然感觉不对 我还是画了 |
| [19:44] | And now I kinda like the piece, looking at it a year later. | 现在一年后看着那幅画 我很喜欢 |
| [19:47] | But in the time, I was just so angry | 但是当时 我很生气 |
| [19:49] | I just felt like, “This is foreign to me, | 我感觉”这种感觉很新奇 |
| [19:52] | I don’t know what to do,” But you persist, | 我不知道该怎么办” 但是你坚持 |
| [19:54] | you continue to do your craft a little bit each day. | 你每天都继续做一点点 |
| [19:57] | And if you really love it, you’re gonna be inherently consistent | 如果你真的喜欢 你会坚持下去 |
| [19:59] | because you’re gonna want to do it each day. | 因为你每天都想去做 |
| [20:02] | And the results are gonna vary, | 结果会慢慢变化 |
| [20:04] | but process is king‐‐ stay in the process. | 但是过程才是王道 坚持过程 |
| [20:07] | Stay in the process. | 坚持过程 |
| [20:08] | Creativity doesn’t know what time it is. | 灵感可不会挑着时间来 |
| [20:11] | That’s why we want to sleep here. | 所以我们想睡在这里 |
| [20:12] | I get up in the middle of the night and work on a collage | 我在大学里会在半夜突然醒来 |
| [20:14] | ’cause creativity doesn’t know what time it is. | 因为灵感力随时都会出现 |
| [20:42] | Go ahead, hit it. | 来吧 来一笔 |
| [20:43] | ‐ I did. ‐ No, hit it again if you want. | -我写了 -不 你想的话再来一笔 |
| [20:46] | I know you’re dying to make a mark on it. Go ahead. | 我知道你很想留下印记 来吧 |
| [20:49] | These are pretty singular, | 这些很单调 |
| [20:51] | but he put on this “Sweet Dreams” Last night… | 但是他昨晚写上了”好梦” |
| [20:55] | Because it was on the wall. | 因为这就在墙上 |
| [20:56] | and I was like, “That’s awesome.” | 我就觉得”这真是太棒了” |
| [20:57] | Somebody in the crew was kind enough | 有个好心员工 |
| [20:59] | to put “Sweet Dreams” On the wall | 在墙上写了”好梦” |
| [21:00] | and I saw it and I said, “Put it in the piece.” | 我看到了 我就说”画上去” |
| [21:02] | ‐ It’s the name of the horse. ‐ We don’t know who it is, | -这是马的名字 -我们不知道是谁 |
| [21:04] | but whoever it is, we love you. It works. | 但不管是谁 我们爱你 很点睛 |
| [21:07] | And I made a little gold mark on his just now. | 我刚刚在他的画上留了点金色的痕迹 |
| [21:09] | He wants to, like, make marks, | 他想留下痕迹 |
| [21:11] | I don’t have a problem with it. | 我没有意见 |
| [21:12] | Like, we did this thing, the Grotjahn thing, | 我们做了这个格罗特雅恩 |
| [21:16] | and I said, “Just go hit it,” | 我就说”来吧” |
| [21:17] | and he just did this little friggin’ whatever‐it‐is, | 于是他就画了这个我也不知道是什么 |
| [21:20] | and I think it’s perfect. | 我觉得很完美 |
| [21:21] | I think the collaboration, too, | 我觉得这种合作 |
| [21:22] | is, like, executing the tone of the room too, | 也有这个房间的效果 |
| [21:25] | does this wall come together as a seamless whole? | 配合这个墙壁 简直是浑然一体 |
| [21:47] | I uh, caused a lot of wreckage | 我创造了很多残局 |
| [21:51] | and a lot of pain | 很多痛苦 |
| [21:52] | and a lot of chaos. | 很多混乱 |
| [21:54] | And I’m still a work in progress, you know, | 我还有进步空间 |
| [21:58] | I’m still really new to this. | 我还是个初学者 |
| [22:00] | But a lot’s changed over the course of the year | 但是这一年来 改变了很多 |
| [22:02] | because I put in some intense work | 因为我投入了很多心血 |
| [22:04] | and I’ve been trying to get‐‐ get sober | 我一直在努力戒瘾 |
| [22:07] | and get healthy for a long time. | 已经保持了很久清醒状态了 |
| [22:09] | And my living amends to my dad | 我对我父亲做出的补偿 |
| [22:13] | is to grant him peace of mind. | 就是安抚他的心 |
| [22:15] | It’s a lifetime of work, | 这是要努力一辈子的工作 |
| [22:16] | and it’s something I get to practice‐‐ | 我要好好练习 |
| [22:18] | I have the opportunity to practice each day. | 我现在有机会每天进行练习 |
| [22:24] | I had to, like, learn about patience, acceptance, | 我要学习更加耐心 包容 |
| [22:27] | those things that really test you. | 这种事很考验自己 |
| [22:29] | You say you love somebody, you say whatever, | 说爱一个人很简单 |
| [22:32] | but until you’re in that arena | 但是当你实际做起来 |
| [22:34] | and you’re wrestling with those beasts and stuff, | 和阻碍你的怪兽扭打起来 |
| [22:36] | that’s where you find out where your character’s at. | 你才知道你到底是个怎样的人 |
| [22:38] | You know, at the end of the day, | 到了最后 |
| [22:39] | he’s someone that needs help, he’s sick. | 是他需要帮助 他病了 |
| [22:41] | I gotta figure out a way to have a relationship, | 我要想办法和他产生纽带 |
| [22:43] | but have a boundary, | 但要有边界 |
| [22:44] | that I can protect myself and take care of myself | 我能够保护我自己 照顾我自己 |
| [22:46] | and my wife and my family. | 以及我的妻子和家人 |
| [22:55] | You know, maybe part of the thing about doing this thing | 也许我做这件事有部分原因是 |
| [22:58] | is that I’m hoping, when somebody sees this, | 我希望有人看了后会觉得 |
| [23:00] | is that yeah, there’s a lot of pain, | 没错 的确有很多痛苦 |
| [23:03] | there’s a lot of scars, there’s a lot of wounding, | 有很多伤疤 有很多伤口 |
| [23:05] | but you know, there is healing and there is‐‐ | 但是也有治愈 也有 |
| [23:08] | there’s a light at the end of the tunnel. | 隧道的尽头也有光明 |
| [23:11] | But you gotta do the work, you gotta do the time. | 但是你还是要做好你该做的事 过好你的生活 |
| [23:15] | When you told me the other day that you trusted me again… | 你那天告诉我你重新信任我了… |
| [23:18] | was huge… that was huge. | 这很重要 真的很重要 |
| [23:22] | ‐ Yeah, but you had to earn it. ‐ Yeah, I know. | -但你要争取 -我知道 |
| [23:25] | You had to earn it. | 你要争取 |
| [23:26] | And you have. | 你争取到了 |
| [23:28] | You know, trust is a key component of any relationship. | 信任是任何感情关系的基础 |
| [23:32] | You don’t have trust, man, you don’t have honesty, | 你要是没有信任就无法坦诚 |
| [23:35] | you don’t have the tenets, you don’t have the foundation, | 你就没有原则 没有基石 |
| [23:38] | you don’t have anything. | 你什么都没有 |
| [23:40] | That’s what I’m saying, you know, | 所以我才这么说 |
| [23:41] | some of the stuff that went on between you and I, | 你我之间曾经的那些事 |
| [23:43] | I just… it was hard shit. | 我…的确很糟糕 |
| [23:46] | And… And I know that everything happens in life for a reason, | 我知道人生中的一切都是有其存在的原因 |
| [23:51] | but… there was a lot of pain there. | 但是 我们有过很多痛苦 |
| [23:55] | But you know, trusting you is… | 但是 相信你是… |
| [24:07] | ‐ Thank you. ‐ You’re welcome, Papa. | -谢谢你 -不客气 爸爸 |
| [24:08] | No, really, fuckin’ thanks. | 不 真的谢谢 |
| [24:12] | I’m not gonna fuckin’ cry through the whole fuckin’ thing. | 我不会再这段过程中哭的 |
| [24:15] | Fuck. | 该死 |
| [24:16] | Seriously. Shit. | 说真的 该死 |
| [25:41] | For it is love and love alone, the rules for aye. | 只为了爱 答应的原则 |