| 时间 | 英文 | 中文 |
|---|---|---|
| [00:00] | Synced and corrected by Katniss Everdeen www.MY-SUBS.com | |
| [00:00] | WWW.MY-SUBS.COM | |
| [00:03] | And that is why I always carry a backup, backup lip gloss. | |
| [00:13] | KC, you’ve been listening? | |
| [00:15] | Oh, yeah, sorry. I’m sorry. | |
| [00:16] | I’m just still kind of freaked out | |
| [00:18] | about my mission last night. | |
| [00:19] | I mean, I actually thought that I was going to die, | |
| [00:21] | and it made me realize the one thing I’m missing in my life | |
| [00:26] | – is Darien. – A manicure! | |
| [00:29] | Darien. Wait, what, Darien? | |
| [00:32] | Yeah, I mean, I still have feelings for him. | |
| [00:35] | What? Then why are you telling me this? | |
| [00:37] | You should be telling him. | |
| [00:39] | You know what, you’re right. | |
| [00:40] | You’re right. | |
| [00:41] | I have wasted way too much time. | |
| [00:43] | I’m gonna go tell him right now. | |
| [00:44] | – Good. He’s right there. – He’s right there. | |
| [00:46] | – The love of your life! – The love of my life! | |
| [00:48] | – You’re gonna make it happen! – Make it happen! | |
| [00:50] | – Pineapple. | – Pineapple. |
| [00:53] | I feel like you’re just stalling by repeating what I say. | |
| [00:56] | I feel like I’m just stalling by repeating what you say. | |
| [00:58] | He is leaving. Go! | |
| [01:00] | Okay, okay. Okay! | |
| [01:03] | Hey! | |
| [01:04] | Darien. | |
| [01:06] | What’s up? It’s been a while since we talked, you know? | |
| [01:09] | Probably because you told me you didn’t want to talk to me anymore… | |
| [01:11] | while I was laying in a hospital bed… | |
| [01:13] | with broken ribs, then a broken heart. | |
| [01:18] | Oh, look at us. | |
| [01:20] | Reminiscing about old times. | |
| [01:24] | So, uh, you wanna, like, hang out Friday, maybe? | |
| [01:27] | KC, you do know I have a girlfriend, right? | |
| [01:32] | Guh, yeah. | |
| [01:35] | Duh, I know you have a girlfriend. | |
| [01:37] | Uh, you know, I didn’t mean, like, you and me. | |
| [01:40] | That’s weird. More of, like, a group thing, | |
| [01:43] | you know, like you, your girlfriend and… | |
| [01:47] | me and my boyfriend. | |
| [01:51] | You have a boyfriend? | |
| [01:53] | Psh, yuh! | |
| [01:54] | His name is… | |
| [01:56] | T-Trey Appleton Jr. | |
| [02:00] | Okay, yeah, sure. Why not? | |
| [02:08] | So, how’d it go? | |
| [02:10] | Great! Yeah, no, really great. | |
| [02:12] | We have a date this Friday, a double date. | |
| [02:15] | That’s amazing! Who are you guys going with? | |
| [02:17] | His girlfriend… and my boyfriend. | |
| [02:21] | – You don’t have a boy… – I know that. | |
| [02:23] | Okay. | |
| [03:11] | I keep it undercover. | |
| [03:13] | I keep it undercover. | |
| [03:18] | Judy, get the door. | |
| [03:21] | – Why me? – Because you’re a machine | |
| [03:22] | and a child. Double whammy. Get the door. | |
| [03:34] | What comic book hero are you, Super Loser? | |
| [03:38] | The school talent show is this week, | |
| [03:40] | and I’m gonna show off… | |
| [03:42] | my magic skills! | |
| [03:44] | And I want you to be my assistant! | |
| [03:46] | Aw, how flattering! | |
| [03:49] | No. | |
| [03:50] | Fin-nin-nin-nin-nin! | Fin-nin-nin-nin-nin! |
| [03:55] | What are you doing? | |
| [03:56] | I’m telepathically changing your mind so you’ll agree. | |
| [03:59] | Fin-nin-nin-nin-nin! | |
| [04:01] | Well, guess what? | |
| [04:02] | We’re fin-nin-nin-nin-ished here. | |
| [04:06] | You know, fine! Who needs you! | |
| [04:08] | I’ll ask someone else to be my assistant. | |
| [04:14] | Judy, you weren’t very nice to Petey. | |
| [04:17] | Now, go and apologize and tell him you’re gonna be his assistant. | |
| [04:20] | – Why should I? – Because I’m your mother | |
| [04:22] | and your superior officer. | |
| [04:23] | Boom! Double whammy. Got you again. | |
| [04:37] | What’s with the dress, and are you wearing lipstick? | |
| [04:42] | How did you know that? You didn’t even turn around. | |
| [04:45] | Honey, I’m your mom. I know everything. | |
| [04:49] | So, what are you all dressed up for? | |
| [04:51] | Can’t a girl just get all pretty ’cause she feels like it? | |
| [04:53] | Mm-hmm. What’s his name? | |
| [04:58] | Darien. | |
| [04:59] | Interesting! | |
| [05:00] | He has the same name | |
| [05:01] | as the boy I said you can’t date. | |
| [05:03] | – It’s different now. – How? | |
| [05:05] | Abby, Erica, and Richard are all behind bars, | |
| [05:07] | so nobody’s out to get him… | |
| [05:09] | except for me. | |
| [05:13] | Look, Mom, I really like him, okay, | |
| [05:15] | and I’m a girl, okay? | |
| [05:17] | I’m not just a spy, and at some point | |
| [05:19] | I’m gonna have a boyfriend whether you or the organization | |
| [05:22] | or the entire world want me to or not. | |
| [05:23] | KC, as your ranking officer, | |
| [05:25] | I’m saying you absolutely cannot do this. | |
| [05:28] | But as your mom I’m saying go get ’em, baby! | |
| [05:38] | Hey, KC, this is my girlfriend, Bianca. | |
| [05:42] | – Nice to meet you. – You too! | |
| [05:43] | Sorry we’re late. Totally my fault. | |
| [05:45] | The blood drive I was running ran overtime | |
| [05:47] | because there were so many donors. | |
| [05:48] | I broke a new record! | |
| [05:51] | And then on the way here someone had car trouble, | |
| [05:53] | so I pushed them to the nearest gas station. | |
| [05:56] | My little do-gooder. Isn’t she perfect? | |
| [05:59] | Yeah! Yeah, she sure is. | |
| [06:01] | Um, speaking of perfect, this is my man… | |
| [06:03] | Trey Appleton Jr.! | |
| [06:07] | I can’t tell you how happy I am to finally | |
| [06:09] | meet the guy who couldn’t hold on to my gal’s heart. | |
| [06:15] | Well, your loss is Trey Appleton Jr.’s gain! | |
| [06:18] | Am I right, pumpkin? | |
| [06:23] | Anyway, how ’bout you guys get your shoes on | |
| [06:26] | and we’ll start bowling. | |
| [06:27] | Okay. | |
| [06:29] | Hey, Trey, I never see you around school. | |
| [06:32] | That’s because he doesn’t go to Hamilton. | |
| [06:34] | – He goes to, um… – American University. | |
| [06:36] | Yeah, that’s right, KC’s dating a college man! | |
| [06:39] | I know, quelle scandal! | |
| [06:45] | Anyway. | |
| [06:48] | Why don’t we, uh, break into teams? | |
| [06:51] | Maybe we should make it interesting and, like, mix up the couples. | |
| [06:53] | Love it! Let’s do boys versus girls. | |
| [06:55] | Oh, actually, I was thinking… | |
| [06:57] | Boys versus girls it is! | |
| [07:01] | You’re lucky, Darien. | |
| [07:02] | This one can’t bowl for beans! | |
| [07:06] | Last time we went, | |
| [07:07] | she took a toddler out five lanes over. | |
| [07:10] | That’s so funny! | |
| [07:11] | I started a fundraising campaign | |
| [07:13] | for victims of athletic injuries. | |
| [07:14] | Oh, of course you did! | |
| [07:16] | Didn’t I tell you Bianca was the best? | |
| [07:18] | Yeah, well, I don’t know. | |
| [07:20] | May be a tie. | |
| [07:25] | This one can’t keep his hands off of me, can he? | |
| [07:34] | The whole thing was awkward and just horrible, | |
| [07:38] | and the worst part is Bianca might be the nicest girl | |
| [07:40] | I have ever met in my entire life. | |
| [07:43] | I’ve gotta get rid of her. | |
| [07:45] | Uh, okay, KC, I realize that is acceptable in the spy world, | |
| [07:49] | but here on Planet Normal People that will get you 15 to life. | |
| [07:55] | Marisa, I don’t mean “get rid of her” get rid of her. | |
| [07:57] | I mean… you know… | |
| [08:00] | get them to break up! | |
| [08:02] | Me-ow! | |
| [08:04] | No, I mean, look. | |
| [08:05] | Darien and I are destined to be together, right? | |
| [08:08] | So, if you think about it, really what I’m doing | |
| [08:10] | is saving her heartache in the future | |
| [08:13] | by making this “meant to be” be right now. | |
| [08:17] | All right, sold. So, what’s the plan? | |
| [08:20] | All we have to do is find someone new for Bianca, | |
| [08:23] | you know, someone who’s totally amazing and totally available. | |
| [08:26] | Has anyone seen my foot fungus cream? | |
| [08:30] | Or my pimple cream? | |
| [08:32] | Or my butt rash cream? | |
| [08:34] | I guess what I’m asking is has anyone seen my cream box? | |
| [08:40] | Well, he may not be amazing, but he is available. | |
| [08:50] | Tah-dah! | |
| [08:52] | What’s that? | |
| [08:53] | A magician’s box! | |
| [08:55] | You grab that saw and split me in half. | |
| [08:56] | I’m afraid I’ll hurt you. | |
| [08:58] | You’re the Great Pete-dini. | |
| [08:59] | I’m sure you can do it. | |
| [09:01] | Well, I’ll try. | |
| [09:06] | Fin-nin-nin-nin-nin! | |
| [09:21] | I did it! I really can do magic! | |
| [09:24] | I am the Great Pete-dini! | |
| [09:28] | And I am the Great Ju-dini! | |
| [09:31] | Yeah, no one cares about the assistant. | |
| [09:35] | The assistant does! | |
| [09:39] | Besides, you’re nothing without me. | |
| [09:42] | You know what? I don’t like your attitude. | |
| [09:51] | Probably should’ve insulted him after he put me back together. | |
| [10:00] | Yeah, there’s just one little wrinkle | |
| [10:02] | in the whole put-Ernie- and-the-perfect-Bianca-together plan, | |
| [10:06] | and that wrinkle would be Ernie. | |
| [10:10] | You’re right. You’re right, there’s no way | |
| [10:12] | he’s gonna steal the quarterback’s girlfriend. | |
| [10:13] | Yeah, he would have to save her life | |
| [10:16] | in a daring feat of heroism. | |
| [10:20] | What? I read a lot of romance novels. | |
| [10:24] | Okay, I look at the covers. | |
| [10:27] | You may be on to something. | |
| [10:29] | Who wouldn’t fall for their knight in shining armor? | |
| [10:32] | We can work with this. | We can work with this. |
| [10:34] | How are we gonna get Ernie to save Bianca’s life? | |
| [10:36] | Oh, I know! | |
| [10:43] | Oh, heavens! | |
| [10:44] | There was an odorless, tasteless element to this pizza, | |
| [10:48] | and now I fear my life is in great… peril. | |
| [10:53] | Don’t worry, Bianca, I’ll save you! | |
| [10:56] | I’ve got the antidote! | |
| [11:09] | Well, I had the antidote. | |
| [11:17] | What else you got? | |
| [11:20] | Hmm, how about… | |
| [11:23] | Help! Help! I’m tied up, and if that wasn’t bad enough, | |
| [11:27] | I’m at the edge of the roof! | |
| [11:31] | Don’t worry, Bianca, I’ll save you! | |
| [11:45] | Sorry, Bianca! I’ll pray for you! | |
| [11:51] | Okay. Um. There are no bad ideas, | |
| [11:54] | but that one is pretty close. | |
| [11:59] | Fine. How about… | |
| [12:01] | Help! I didn’t notice this well | |
| [12:04] | while I was carrying my macaroni and cheese to the table, | |
| [12:08] | and now I’ve fallen into it! | |
| [12:10] | Don’t worry, Bianca, I’ll save you! | |
| [12:16] | Aah! | |
| [12:18] | Ow! | |
| [12:22] | Help! Help us! We’ve fallen in the well! | |
| [12:25] | Ooh, you gonna finish that mac and cheese? | |
| [12:30] | Um, you know, there are just a few problems with that scenario, | |
| [12:35] | one being that there is no well in the middle of the cafeteria. | |
| [12:41] | Fine, Shoot-Down Sally. | |
| [12:46] | You got a better idea to put ’em together? | |
| [12:48] | You know what, actually, I do. | |
| [12:51] | No, no, no, no, no. | |
| [12:52] | I am not going to embarrass myself | |
| [12:55] | by trying to steal the quarterback’s girlfriend. | |
| [12:57] | Come on, Ernie, have a little faith in yourself. | |
| [12:59] | I have total faith that I do not measure up to Darien. | |
| [13:04] | That guy is fun and studly and athletic… | |
| [13:08] | Heck, even I’d go out with him before I’d go out with me. | |
| [13:13] | Do not forget, okay, you are a total catch. | |
| [13:15] | All you need is a little bit of confidence, right? | |
| [13:18] | And stay hydrated. Here, drink this. | |
| [13:21] | That tastes weird. What is it? | |
| [13:24] | It’s confidence serum. | |
| [13:25] | Howard’s been working on it. | |
| [13:26] | It’s to help new agents in the field. | |
| [13:28] | It gives you a temporary boost of confidence… | |
| [13:30] | and a couple days of diarrhea, but you know what, | |
| [13:33] | we’ll deal with that later. Here you go. | |
| [13:42] | Hey, Petey, sorry I’m late. I was… | |
| [13:45] | Diane! What are you doing here? | |
| [13:50] | What does it look like? | |
| [13:51] | I’m here to practice our magic routine. | |
| [13:54] | Don’t you mean our magic routine? | |
| [13:58] | Pete-dini, work your magic | |
| [13:59] | and make this one disappear, | |
| [14:01] | starting with her big mouth. | |
| [14:06] | I think all those sequins are cutting off | |
| [14:08] | the circulation to your brain. | |
| [14:12] | Tell her who your assistant is, Petey. | |
| [14:15] | Judy, there’s no easy way to say this. | |
| [14:19] | You’re out, she’s in. | |
| [14:22] | Hey, I guess there is an easy way to say it. | |
| [14:27] | You’re kicking me out of our magic act? | |
| [14:29] | Yeah, I’m about that life. | |
| [14:32] | Your negativity was just bringing me down! | |
| [14:35] | Fine. Who needs you? | |
| [14:37] | As far as I’m concerned, you can stick it | |
| [14:39] | in your fin-nin-nin-nin-nin! | |
| [15:05] | Hello, there. | |
| [15:06] | – What’s your name? – Bianca. | |
| [15:09] | Well, I’m gonna call you Booger, | |
| [15:11] | because, baby, I pick you. | |
| [15:17] | – Ernest. – I’m not touching that! | |
| [15:21] | What’s wrong? Did you hit your head | |
| [15:24] | when you fell out of heaven? | |
| [15:26] | Because, baby, you’re an angel. | |
| [15:29] | Yeah, I got the implication. | |
| [15:32] | Look, if you want a girl to like you, | |
| [15:35] | you can’t just spout out lame pickup lines. | |
| [15:37] | And besides, I’m already seeing someone. | |
| [15:39] | Why didn’t you say so? | |
| [15:50] | Well, hello, there. | |
| [15:53] | Is your name Wi-Fi? | |
| [15:55] | Because, baby, I am feeling the connection. | |
| [15:58] | Uh-oh. Now I’m feeling the diarrhea. | |
| [16:08] | At least he wasn’t in a well when it happened. | |
| [16:14] | Look, KC, we tried, but I don’t see | |
| [16:16] | anyone coming in between Bianca and Darien. | |
| [16:20] | Bianca! | |
| [16:21] | Hey, Trey! | |
| [16:26] | Oh, no! Trey Appleton Jr. is cheating on you! | |
| [16:32] | I’m sorry. | |
| [16:40] | So, what did you do last night? | |
| [16:43] | I was just at home all alone, catching up on my reality TV. | |
| [16:47] | Guilty pleasures. | |
| [16:49] | I saw you with Bianca. | |
| [16:50] | Uh, fine. The truth is | |
| [16:54] | when we went on our double date, | |
| [16:56] | you spent so much time talking to Darien | |
| [16:58] | that Bianca and I got to know each other. | |
| [17:00] | Long story short, we’re soulmates | |
| [17:02] | who have been secretly dating ever since. | |
| [17:04] | What, are you telling me Bianca is cheating on Darien? | |
| [17:06] | I guess he just doesn’t fulfill her the way Trey Appleton does! | |
| [17:12] | Great, well, now I need to tell Darien the truth | |
| [17:14] | before he gets hurt again. | |
| [17:16] | And you know what, Howard, you do realize | |
| [17:18] | that she doesn’t like you, she likes Trey Appleton Jr., | |
| [17:21] | somebody who doesn’t actually exist? | |
| [17:24] | Every relationship has issues, KC. | |
| [17:31] | Behold, the Great Pete-dini | |
| [17:34] | will now pull a live rabbit out of his hat. | |
| [17:39] | Fin-nin-nin-nin-nin! | |
| [17:43] | Ew. Poor Mr. Fluffy. | |
| [17:45] | Uh, moving right along. | |
| [17:50] | I will now saw Diane in half! | |
| [17:54] | I can’t let him go through with this. | |
| [17:56] | He could seriously hurt her. | |
| [17:58] | Wait! You can’t do this. | |
| [18:00] | Judy, stop trying to ruin my act ’cause you’re jealous! | |
| [18:05] | I’m not jealous. It’s just that… | |
| [18:12] | Okay, I am jealous. | |
| [18:15] | Petey, you’re my best friend. | |
| [18:18] | I wanna be your assistant. | |
| [18:20] | I wanna be sawed in half. | |
| [18:22] | If that’s okay with Diane. | |
| [18:25] | Are you kidding me? That was my rabbit! | |
| [18:27] | I’m not letting him near me with that saw. | |
| [18:30] | Diane, there’s no easy way to say this. | |
| [18:43] | Hey, uh, Darien, can I talk to you for a second? | |
| [18:45] | Not a good time. | |
| [18:48] | Uh, yeah, I can’t really understand you | |
| [18:49] | with the fries in your mouth, | |
| [18:51] | so I’m just gonna assume you said, “Sure, let’s talk.” | |
| [18:59] | Look, I really need to talk to you about some stuff. | |
| [19:01] | KC, stop. You and I are not together. | |
| [19:04] | We’re not even really friends. | |
| [19:06] | I don’t need to know anything, right? | |
| [19:07] | Trey’s not my boyfriend. | |
| [19:11] | I pretended that he was | |
| [19:13] | because I wanted to hang out with you, | |
| [19:15] | and you said that you had a girlfriend, | |
| [19:16] | so then I said I had a boyfriend. | |
| [19:18] | And the next thing you know we’re having | |
| [19:19] | the most awkward double date in the whole world, | |
| [19:22] | and, at least, I know it was for me, | |
| [19:25] | because I still like you. | |
| [19:30] | KC, I should probably tell you that… | |
| [19:32] | No… Let me finish, okay? | |
| [19:34] | The worst part is Trey and Bianca… | |
| [19:38] | they’re cheating on us. | |
| [19:40] | Well, I mean… | |
| [19:42] | technically Bianca’s cheating on you | |
| [19:43] | because I’m not really with Trey, but that’s not the point. | |
| [19:46] | The point is it’s my fault because I introduced them, | |
| [19:50] | and now once again I hurt you, | |
| [19:51] | and you probably hate my guts | |
| [19:53] | because you’re probably heartbroken. | |
| [19:59] | Okay, you cry funny. | |
| [20:03] | KC, I’ve gotta tell you something. | |
| [20:06] | Bianca is my cousin. | |
| [20:09] | Ew, you’re dating your cousin? | |
| [20:12] | No. No, of course not. | |
| [20:14] | She was pretending to be my girlfriend. | |
| [20:16] | Ew, that’s still gross. | |
| [20:20] | When you told me you wanted to hang out again, | |
| [20:22] | I guess I panicked. | |
| [20:24] | The last time, KC… | |
| [20:28] | you really hurt me, | |
| [20:30] | so I just said I was with someone else. | |
| [20:32] | Wow, I cannot believe you lied to me about Bianca. | |
| [20:37] | Really, KC? Really? | |
| [20:41] | Okay, I forgive you. | |
| [20:44] | I’m sorry about the Trey thing. | |
| [20:47] | Well, in retrospect, I guess it makes sense. | |
| [20:49] | But he didn’t really seem like your type. | |
| [20:54] | That’s ’cause he’s not, but you are. | |
| [21:02] | Okay, so you really don’t want to have anything to do with me, do you? | |
| [21:05] | That’s the problem. | |
| [21:08] | I can’t help it, but I do. | |
| [21:13] | But I’m also scared. | |
| [21:15] | So maybe we can take it slow, | |
| [21:18] | like, real slow. | |
| [21:19] | Like, maybe we can just try being friends, | |
| [21:22] | and then we’ll see how that goes. Hmm? | |
| [21:25] | All right, yeah, I’m cool with that. | |
| [21:28] | – Yeah? – Yeah. | |
| [21:33] | Cut it out! | |
| [21:37] | Rob, your name’s on TV. |