| 时间 | 英文 | 中文 |
|---|---|---|
| [00:19] | You’re having sex with Gail and Melissa. | 你既跟盖尔又跟梅丽莎发生了关系 |
| [00:21] | You dirty dog. | 你个下流货 |
| [00:23] | How long were you and Phil trying before you got pregnant? | 你怀孕前你和菲尔努力了多久 |
| [00:27] | Tandy and I have been trying for, like, | 我和坦迪都努力了… |
| [00:29] | I don’t know, six months now? | 大概有半年了吧 |
| [00:31] | Six months? That long? | 半年 那么久吗 |
| [00:32] | We’re not pregnant. | 我没有怀孕 |
| [00:33] | Don’t worry, everything’s gonna be all right. | 别担心 一切都会好的 |
| [00:40] | Service. | 发球 |
| [00:51] | Hey, Tandy? | 坦迪 |
| [00:53] | What are you doing? | 你在干什么 |
| [00:55] | Oh, just honing my game. | 我就是锻炼一下 |
| [00:57] | Tandy, I need you to do something for me today. | 坦迪 我想让你帮我一个忙 |
| [01:00] | Okay, what do you got? | 好啊 你说 |
| [01:01] | I need you to masturbate. | 我需要你自慰 |
| [01:03] | Way ahead of you. Yeah, check it off the list. | 早就做过了 行了 说下一个吧 |
| [01:05] | What else you got? | 你还需要我做什么 |
| [01:06] | Oh, no, I need you to do it again. | 不 我想要你再来一次 |
| [01:08] | Again, way ahead of you. | 我还是早就做过了 |
| [01:10] | – No, th-this is different. – Left-handed? | -不 这不一样 -要用左手么 |
| [01:12] | No, it’s just I was reading up on fertility issues. | 不是 我在研究生育问题 |
| [01:16] | And I think we should check your sperm motility. | 我觉得我们应该检查一下你精子的活力 |
| [01:18] | So I went to the store | 然后我就去了趟商店 |
| [01:19] | and I got a male fertility test. | 拿了这个男性生育能力测试品 |
| [01:21] | Why? | 为什么 |
| [01:22] | Well, you know, it’s been a while and we’re not pregnant yet. | 你也知道的 我们在一起这么久了还没怀孕 |
| [01:26] | What’s the rush? It’ll happen when it happens. | 急什么呢 一切随缘啊 |
| [01:28] | Well, I mean, look at Phil, okay– he’s dead! | 你看看菲尔 好吧 他死了 |
| [01:31] | One day you’re here, the next you’re not. | 今天你还活着 明天你就可能死了 |
| [01:32] | And I want to get your goods before you croak. | 而我想在你死之前怀上你的孩子 |
| [01:35] | Yeah, you’re right… Having a family’s important. | 你说得对 家族是很重要的 |
| [01:38] | Yeah, let’s do this. | 好吧 来吧 |
| [01:40] | Okay, great. | 好 |
| [01:42] | I know it’s kind of a weird request. | 我知道这个请求很唐突 |
| [01:44] | Do you think you could handle the pressure? | 你能抗的住这种压力吗 |
| [01:47] | Care Bear, I’ve been practicing for this test my whole life. | 小萝萝 我这辈子一直在为这个测试练习 |
| [01:51] | I won’t let you down. | 我不会让你失望的 |
| [01:52] | Okay. | 好的 |
| [02:03] | At least this isn’t a Monet. | 还好这不是莫奈的 |
| [02:05] | Oh, this is a Monet. | 天哪 还真是莫奈的 |
| [02:11] | Damn it! | 见鬼 |
| [02:12] | Okay, well, thanks for the lotion, Gail. | 谢谢你借我润肤露 盖尔 |
| [02:16] | Boy, were my forearms dry! | 老天 我的小臂真是太干了 |
| [02:22] | Damn it. | 见鬼 |
| [02:23] | Hey, Todd. | 陶德 |
| [02:24] | Hey, I-I was just thanking Gail | 我刚在谢谢盖尔呢 |
| [02:28] | for some lotion she gave me | 她借了我一些润肤露 |
| [02:29] | for my forearms, yeah. | 滋润我的小臂 |
| [02:30] | You probably heard me talking about it | 你大概听到了 |
| [02:32] | as I was leaving her room. | 我在出门的时候说的那些话吧 |
| [02:33] | Real dry, my forearms. | 我的小臂真是太干了 |
| [02:35] | Yeah, got a good coat on them now, though. | 不过现在已经涂了厚厚的一层润肤露了 |
| [02:38] | Yeah, lotion. | 是的 润肤露 |
| [02:39] | What a godsend. | 真是天赐的好东西啊 |
| [02:41] | Uh, do you want to come watch a movie with me? | 你要和我一起看个电影吗 |
| [02:44] | Yeah, yeah, yeah. I-I’ll be there in a minute. | 好啊好啊 我马上就来 |
| [02:46] | I’ll just give you a little preview first. | 那我先给你预告一下吧 |
| [02:48] | Okay, yeah. | 好啊 |
| [02:49] | Great, yeah. | 好的 |
| [02:51] | Nice trailer there. | 这预告片不错 |
| [02:52] | Looking forward to the feature-length version of that. | 我真期待它的正片 |
| [02:55] | You know, uh, sex. | 你知道的 就是啪啪啪 |
| [02:58] | Bring this weirdness to the bedroom. | 你就把这份尴尬一起带到卧室去吧 |
| [03:00] | Right. | 好 |
| [03:03] | Oh, what are you doing? | 你在干什么 |
| [03:05] | Well, I’m just, uh, cramming for the test. | 我在为测试做准备呢 |
| [03:07] | You know how I feel about pornography. | 你也知道我怎么看待色情杂志的 |
| [03:09] | Carol, I’m not gonna go into this situation unarmed. | 卡萝尔 我绝不会毫无准备地去自慰 |
| [03:12] | I mean, it’s too important. | 这太重要了 |
| [03:13] | Well, you will be armed. | 你不会毫无准备的 |
| [03:16] | I made you | 我给你准备了 |
| [03:17] | a very special collection | 一份非常特别的合集 |
| [03:19] | of highly erotic images of women. | 里面全都是搔首弄姿的女人 |
| [03:23] | But unlike the misogynistic, | 但是和你读的那些 |
| [03:24] | male-centric trash you read, | 以男人为中心的歧视女性的垃圾不同 |
| [03:27] | these women are sexy because they’re highly intelligent, | 这些女性是因为智慧而美丽 |
| [03:30] | accomplished, and– as far as we know– unmolested. | 她们有修养 而且据我所知 不猥亵 |
| [03:35] | I call it female en-porn-ment. | 我称之为女性正能量 |
| [03:37] | Okay. | 好吧 |
| [03:38] | Well, I’m listening. | 我知道了 |
| [03:38] | Uh, let me take a gander. | 让我瞅瞅 |
| [03:40] | Yeah, sure. | 好啊 |
| [03:45] | Okay. | 好吧 |
| [03:49] | I’m a sexy CEO who did not sleep my way to the top. | 我是个性感的CEO 我勤劳奋斗终成大业 |
| [03:53] | Got there by studying hard and maintaining my focus. | 我一直努力学习 保持专注 |
| [03:59] | And check out this sexy lady judge. | 看看这位性感的女法官 |
| [04:02] | That long black robe | 这黑色长袍 |
| [04:04] | covers every inch of her body. | 包裹住了她身体的每一寸 |
| [04:06] | Except for the biggest sexual organ she has– | 除了她最大的性器官 |
| [04:10] | her brain. | 也就是她的脑子 |
| [04:13] | Yeah, yeah, yeah. | 是啊 |
| [04:15] | And look at this stunner. | 看看这位性感尤物 |
| [04:17] | The President of the United States herself. | 我们美国的总统 |
| [04:19] | And behind her is her First Lady Desiree. | 她身后是第一夫人达西瑞 |
| [04:23] | They’re lesbians. | 她们是女同性恋 |
| [04:24] | Yeah, I caught that, yeah. | 我知道 |
| [04:26] | Well, shall I get to? | 我能开始了吗 |
| [04:28] | This will work. | 这个也行 |
| [04:29] | Oh, well, not here! | 别在这里 |
| [04:31] | I created a special sexual area for you. | 我给你专门开辟了一块性事区域 |
| [04:34] | A performance zone, if you will. | 你要是愿意的话也可以当做表演区域 |
| [04:44] | I call it the Masturbatorium. | 我叫它自慰馆 |
| [04:48] | Are you feeling turned on? | 你有激情燃烧的感觉吗 |
| [04:50] | I’m feeling so many things. | 我此时百感交集啊 |
| [04:55] | Billie Jean King. | 比利·简·金[网球运动员] |
| [04:57] | Condi Rice. | 康迪·赖斯 |
| [04:58] | And of course, the guy who played Bud in Flipper. | 还有《慧童与海豚》里演巴德的那个 |
| [05:01] | Oh, no, that’s Janet Reno. | 不 那是珍妮特.雷诺[美国前大法官] |
| [05:03] | Oh, okay. | 好吧 |
| [05:06] | Oh, what’s with the, uh, babies? | 那些宝宝是怎么回事 |
| [05:09] | Oh, well, this is just to keep your eyes on the prize. | 这是为了让你专心于奖品 |
| [05:14] | That’s you | 这是你 |
| [05:16] | just fertilizing the garden of life with your seed. | 在用你的种子为你人生的花园施肥 |
| [05:20] | Man, this room is a friggin’ roller coaster ride. | 老天 这房间真是让人心情起伏不定啊 |
| [05:24] | Isn’t it fun? | 有趣吧 |
| [05:25] | Yeah. | 是啊 |
| [05:26] | Yeah. Okay, listen. | 听着 |
| [05:27] | I’m gonna give you some privacy. | 我让你自己待会儿 |
| [05:29] | – Okay. – All right? | -好 -没问题吧 |
| [05:30] | Enjoy. | 好好享受哦 |
| [05:31] | Thank you. | 谢谢你 |
| [05:32] | Be strong. Just say it. | 强硬点 说出来就好啊 |
| [05:34] | Come on, Todd, you got this. | 加油 陶德 你可以的 |
| [05:37] | Be the ball, man. | 争气点 |
| [05:40] | Hey, Gail. | 盖尔 |
| [05:41] | Hey, Todd. How you doing? | 陶德 你怎么样 |
| [05:42] | I’m good, look. | 我很好 听着 |
| [05:43] | I think we need to talk about us. | 我觉得我们得谈谈 |
| [05:45] | Yeah, right? | 行吗 |
| [05:47] | Good, yeah, I do. | 行啊 没问题 |
| [05:49] | Um, there’s something I’ve been wanting to tell you. | 有一些话我一直想告诉你 |
| [05:52] | Oh, great, well, you know, I’d like to start if you don’t mind. | 行 但你要是不介意的话我想先说 |
| [05:54] | – No, I’ll go first. – That’s fine. | -不行 我先说 -好吧 |
| [05:55] | You were such a lifesaver to me | 在菲尔带来的这一团乱中 |
| [05:58] | through the whole Phil nightmare. | 你就是我的救赎 |
| [06:00] | I don’t know how I would’ve gotten through that without you. | 我不知道要是没有你我怎么能撑得过来 |
| [06:03] | Oh, well, you know, look, okay, well, here-here’s the thing. | 这样啊 好吧 但是 是这样的 |
| [06:06] | No, there’s something else. | 不 我还有话说 |
| [06:09] | I put Gordon away. | 我把戈登扔掉了 |
| [06:11] | I don’t need him anymore. | 我再也不需要他了 |
| [06:12] | ‘Cause you, Todd, you’re my new dummy. | 因为陶德你 就是我的新假人 |
| [06:15] | Your new– the new du– | 你的新 新假… |
| [06:16] | your new dummy? | 你的新假人吗 |
| [06:18] | Okay, so it-it sounds to me like you’re pr-pretty, | 我听着觉得你似乎挺 |
| [06:20] | you know, into this whole, uh, situation then. | 挺享受这种状态 |
| [06:24] | – Right? – Why? | -是吗 -为什么这么问 |
| [06:25] | Did you need to tell me something, Todd? | 你是要和我说什么吗 陶德 |
| [06:28] | No, no-nothing really. | 没 其实没什么的 |
| [06:29] | Just a classic, you know, ditto situation. | 还是那样 我也这么觉得 |
| [06:32] | You’re a ditto situation. | 你真可爱 |
| [06:46] | Nice job, Todd. | 干得漂亮 陶德 |
| [06:48] | Okay, got to go tell Melissa. | 好吧 得去告诉梅丽莎了 |
| [06:51] | Melissa, we need to talk. | 梅丽莎 我们需要谈谈 |
| [06:54] | And I need to not talk. | 而我不想要谈谈 |
| [06:55] | Well, that’s your prerogative. | 那是你的特权 |
| [06:56] | I mean, talking is overrated. | 谈谈其实没那么有用 |
| [06:57] | Not always, but in this case, yeah. | 虽然不总是如此 但此情此景 没错 |
| [06:59] | Damn it. | 见鬼 |
| [07:02] | It says here, when the control line shows up, | 上面写着 如果出现了控制线 |
| [07:04] | the test is active. | 测试就是有效的 |
| [07:09] | And right on cue. | 果然不出所料 |
| [07:11] | Okay, so now we just have to wait for the bottom line | 现在我们只用等着底下那条线出现 |
| [07:13] | to tell us that your sperm count is great. | 告诉我们你的精子数量好不好了 |
| [07:16] | Oh, she’s a-coming. | 她正在路上 |
| [07:19] | Any minute now. | 随时都可能出现 |
| [07:23] | I’m sure it’s fine. | 肯定没问题的 |
| [07:24] | Oh, please. | 拜托 |
| [07:25] | Carol, I know it is. | 卡萝尔 我知道没问题的 |
| [07:26] | I mean, this dish is full of fish. | 我真的精力满满好吗 |
| [07:29] | Hey, hope I don’t get this test pregnant. | 希望我不会让这个测试棒也怀孕 |
| [07:36] | Okay, give me that. | 给我拿着 |
| [07:41] | Well, that can’t be right. | 这不可能 |
| [07:43] | But that would mean… | 那就是说… |
| [07:57] | You know, I bet my sperm count was too high for the test. | 我看肯定是我的精子太有活力了显示不出来 |
| [07:59] | Yes, oh, definitely. | 是啊 肯定是 |
| [08:02] | Probably broke the barrier. | 可能超过最高线了 |
| [08:03] | What do we even know about these things, anyway, huh? | 不过这个东西靠不靠谱都不一样呢 |
| [08:06] | Oh, “Made in China.” | 中国制造 |
| [08:09] | They’re probably calibrated for Chinese sperm. | 这可能是特用于测试中国精子的 |
| [08:12] | Yeah. | 是啊 |
| [08:13] | Oh, look, this one’s expired! | 看啊 这个过期了 |
| [08:15] | Oh, check the other ones. | 看看其他的 |
| [08:16] | What, November 1, 2020. Expired. | 什么 2020年11月1日 过期了 |
| [08:19] | August 23, 2021. | 2021年8月23日 |
| [08:22] | I knew it! | 我就知道 |
| [08:23] | Never use an expired fertility test. | 绝对不要用过期的测试棒 |
| [08:25] | That’s the old saying. | 老话说得对啊 |
| [08:27] | But if it’s faulty, | 但如果是出了问题 |
| [08:27] | then why did the control line show up? | 为什么控制线会显示出来呢 |
| [08:30] | Proves even more how screwed up they are. | 这越发证明了这玩意儿不靠谱啊 |
| [08:32] | Look, why would a control line | 怎么会有测试棒 |
| [08:34] | show up on a test where the fertility line doesn’t? | 只显示控制线不显示生育线呢 |
| [08:37] | Makes no sense. | 没道理啊 |
| [08:39] | Okay, okay. | 好吧好吧 |
| [08:41] | If it makes you feel better, | 如果能让你好受点 |
| [08:42] | I’m gonna throw Todd into the equation. | 我让陶德也来试试 |
| [08:44] | Run his stuff through the system, | 也测测他的精子 |
| [08:45] | and when we see he gets negative results, | 如果他的结果也是不显示 |
| [08:47] | we’ll know these things are bogus. | 我们就知道这些玩意儿都是假货了 |
| [08:49] | You are so smart. | 你太聪明了 |
| [08:51] | Hey, you said it, not me. | 这可是你说的 不是我自吹自擂 |
| [08:54] | But yeah. | 但你说的没错 |
| [09:00] | Oh, gosh dang it. | 老天啊 |
| [09:02] | Look, just tell them the truth. | 就跟她们实话实说吧 |
| [09:04] | You dirty dog, you… | 你这个下流货 你 |
| [09:05] | Having a little one-on-one convo? | 想和我聊聊吗 |
| [09:07] | Talk-Talking to myself a little bit. | 我在自言自语 |
| [09:09] | Hey, Tandy, what-what’s up? | 坦迪 怎么了 |
| [09:11] | Uh, just wondering if you could, uh, | 我就想问问你 |
| [09:13] | cut the Tandyman a quick slice | 愿不愿意帮坦迪一个小忙 |
| [09:14] | and perform a little bro-to-bro solid. | 展现一下兄弟情谊呢 |
| [09:16] | Uh, more of a gelatinous than a solid, really. | 更像是兄弟情深而不仅仅是兄弟情谊 |
| [09:19] | Yeah, I need a favor. | 没错 帮我个忙 |
| [09:20] | Uh, yeah, sure. | 行啊 没问题 |
| [09:21] | Could you, uh, masturbate into this cup for me? | 你能在这个杯子里射精给我吗 |
| [09:23] | Absolutely. | 没问题 |
| [09:25] | You don’t, uh, | 你不… |
| [09:26] | want to know what it’s for? | 不想知道这用来干什么吗 |
| [09:27] | No, if a friend needs semen, | 不用 朋友想要我的精子 |
| [09:28] | he-he gets semen. | 给他就好了 |
| [09:29] | What’s the time frame on this? | 我有多长时间啊 |
| [09:31] | Now-ish? I mean, don’t worry. | 就现在 我是说 不用慌 |
| [09:33] | I’ll turn around for you, of course. | 我会背对着你的 |
| [09:34] | Yeah, I-I don’t know. | 我不确定 |
| [09:35] | It’s just the well’s running a little dry. | 我的精田有点干了 |
| [09:37] | I could give you pee. | 我可以给你尿 |
| [09:38] | Would pee help? | 尿有用吗 |
| [09:39] | Not really a one-fluid-fits-all situation here. | 不是只要是液体就行的 |
| [09:42] | Afraid I gotta be specific to semen on this one. | 恐怕只有精液有用 |
| [09:45] | Look, can I level with you? | 我能跟你说实话吗 |
| [09:47] | Hey, I’d be upset if you didn’t. | 你不说实话我会生气的 |
| [09:49] | Thanks, bud. It’s just, I’ve been having sex all day | 谢了兄弟 只是我今天一直在跟 |
| [09:51] | with both Melissa and Gail. | 梅丽莎和盖尔啪来啪去 |
| [09:54] | I feel like a rolled-up tube of toothpaste. | 我就像是被挤干了的牙膏管 |
| [09:56] | You dirty dog. | 你这个下流货 |
| [09:57] | Man, I gotta come clean. | 我不能再这样下去了 |
| [09:59] | It’s eating me up inside. | 我发自内心的愧疚啊 |
| [10:00] | Okay, then come clean. | 那就去坦白啊 |
| [10:01] | No! It’s not that easy, man. | 不 没那么简单 |
| [10:04] | I don’t want anybody to get hurt. | 我不想让谁受伤 |
| [10:06] | They’ve all been through so much already, | 她们都经历了那么多事 |
| [10:07] | and I want them to feel safe. | 我想让她们有安全感 |
| [10:09] | Then don’t come clean. | 那就不要坦白 |
| [10:10] | Then I’m the biggest bastard on Earth. | 那我就是地球上最大的混蛋 |
| [10:12] | Todd, stop it. | 陶德 别这样 |
| [10:14] | That title is reserved for Erica’s baby. | 那个称号是留给艾瑞卡的孩子的 |
| [10:16] | Todd. | 陶德 |
| [10:18] | Could I get some help with my crossword puzzle? | 你能来帮我填字谜吗 |
| [10:21] | I’m a little stuck on 69 down. | 69式纵列难住我了 |
| [10:24] | I’ll be there in a minute. | 我马上过去 |
| [10:27] | All right. | 好 |
| [10:28] | Give me that cup. | 把杯子给我 |
| [10:30] | I’ll try to get to it later. | 我一会儿尽量给你装上 |
| [10:33] | There is no crossword puzzle. | 根本不是填字谜 |
| [10:40] | Carol? | 卡萝尔 |
| [10:41] | I talked to Todd, and he’s on it. | 我跟陶德说过了 他在弄 |
| [10:43] | Oh, good. Hey, here’s a questionnaire | 太好了 这里有个问卷 |
| [10:45] | that can help us figure out why a person’s count | 可以帮我们弄明白为什么有人的精子数 |
| [10:47] | might be under par. | 达不到平均水平 |
| [10:48] | Sure, fire away. | 好 开始吧 |
| [10:50] | I think it’ll be fun. | 应该会很有趣 |
| [10:51] | You know, like genital Mad Libs. | 就像生殖器版的疯狂填词 |
| [10:53] | Um, have you smoked marijuana in your life? | 你这辈子抽过大麻吗 |
| [10:56] | What do I look like, a narc? | 你觉得我像瘾君子吗 |
| [10:58] | Of course I have, Carol. | 我当然抽过 卡萝尔 |
| [11:00] | Come on, real cool person you’re talking to here. | 你面前的这位可是很酷的人 |
| [11:02] | Love grass, love marijuana cigarettes. | 大爱大麻 大爱大麻烟 |
| [11:05] | You don’t have to be so proud of it. | 你不用这么为此自豪 |
| [11:08] | Not proud, just being honest. | 不是自豪 就是实话实说 |
| [11:09] | Uh, have you ever had an injury to the “Gronn”? | 你的”护股沟”受过伤吗 |
| [11:14] | And what’s the gronn? | “护股沟”是什么 |
| [11:16] | Your gronn. | 你的”护股沟” |
| [11:18] | Your gronn area. | “护股沟”区域 |
| [11:19] | Still a little unclear. | 我还是不懂 |
| [11:20] | Like, “Oh, I pulled my gronn.” | 比如”我拉到护股沟了” |
| [11:22] | It’s called a groin. | 那叫腹股沟 |
| [11:23] | That’s what I’m talking, that’s what they want to know. | 就是这样 他们想知道的就是这个 |
| [11:26] | You know, my high school buddies and I, | 我高中的小伙伴和我 |
| [11:27] | we used to play a game called “Nut punch,” | 以前经常玩”猴子偷桃” |
| [11:29] | where you would get under | 就是你弯腰 |
| [11:30] | and you would sock the person in the nuts | 趁对方不备的时候 |
| [11:31] | when they weren’t paying attention. Yeah. | 一把抓住他的蛋蛋 |
| [11:34] | Well, that’s nutty. | 你们真会玩 |
| [11:36] | Is that a boom? | 你这是肯定回答吗 |
| [11:37] | That’s a boom, sure, yeah. | 是的 没错 |
| [11:38] | Okay. Um, do you overly masturbate? | 好 你过度自慰吗 |
| [11:42] | Define “Overly.” | 怎么算过度 |
| [11:44] | Yeah, I’m gonna mark that as a yes. | 这个也当做肯定回答了 |
| [11:47] | Don’t worry, Carol, okay? | 不用担心 卡萝尔 |
| [11:49] | I got the goods. | 我有料 |
| [11:50] | In fact, you know what? | 要不这样 |
| [11:51] | I’m gonna head back to the Masturbatorium | 我回自慰馆 |
| [11:53] | and deliver another round. | 再来一次 |
| [11:54] | Hey, maybe focus on Billie Jean King this time. | 这次你可以想着比利·简·金自慰 |
| [11:56] | She had a way with balls. | 她很会玩球的 |
| [11:58] | Boom! | 嘭 |
| [11:59] | I’m on fire. | 火力全开 |
| [12:04] | “Little left in the tank for you, buddy.” | “就剩一点给你了 伙计” |
| [12:06] | Thanks, Todd. | 谢谢 陶德 |
| [12:12] | See? I knew it. Same thing as my test. | 看到了吧 我就知道 跟我结果一样 |
| [12:15] | These things have turned. | 这些玩意都坏了 |
| [12:21] | Gute Nacht, das Sperminator! | 晚上好 精子战士 |
| [12:24] | Hi. You coming to bed soon? | 你要来睡觉吗 |
| [12:26] | Uh, yeah, I-I’ll be there, uh, soon. Yeah. | 好 我马上就去 好 |
| [12:29] | – Okay. – Yeah. | -好 -嗯 |
| [12:30] | Did Todd bring back his test yet? | 陶德把检测用的拿来了吗 |
| [12:36] | No, not yet. | 还没有 |
| [12:38] | Let’s get some sleep. | 我们先去睡觉吧 |
| [12:39] | – Come on. – Okay. | -走 -好 |
| [12:45] | Now, I have filled this pool with a bunch of DC– | 这个小泳池里装满了深水炸弹[鸡尾酒] |
| [12:48] | and a little bit of rum– but mainly DC. | 还有点朗姆酒 但主要是深水炸弹 |
| [12:50] | Now, we all know what happens | 我们都知道 |
| [12:52] | when I introduce these puppies into the mix, right? | 我把这些宝宝放进里面会怎样 对吧 |
| [12:54] | They’re supposed to react with the DC, | 他们应该会跟深水炸弹反应 |
| [12:56] | and then shoot up into the sky like a rocket. | 然后跟火箭一样窜到天上 |
| [12:58] | But this is what’s currently happening inside my testicles. | 但目前我的蛋蛋里就是这种情况 |
| [13:07] | All right, yeah, a real ho-hum situation. | 这下情况很尴尬 |
| [13:10] | Some general fizzing, but that’s not gonna make a baby. | 有反应 但这样造不出宝宝 |
| [13:13] | But… with the proper focus, | 但是 工具用对了 |
| [13:15] | we… can do… this. | 我们 可以 这样 |
| [13:26] | Well, it is something like that. | 差不多就是这样 |
| [13:27] | You-you know. Just focus. | 你们懂的 集中注意力就行 |
| [13:34] | Hey, Todd. | 陶德 |
| [13:35] | I’m here. | 在 |
| [13:37] | Oh, hey, Erica. | 艾瑞卡 |
| [13:38] | I’m not hiding. | 我没有藏 |
| [13:39] | Wh-What’s up? How-how you doing? | 怎么了 你好吗 |
| [13:41] | You know, still thinking about Phil a lot. | 我还在一直想菲尔 |
| [13:43] | Well, look, if you need anything, | 如果你需要什么 |
| [13:45] | I-I’m here. | 尽管找我 |
| [13:46] | About that, | 说到这个 |
| [13:48] | before Phil died, | 菲尔去世前 |
| [13:49] | he told me that he wanted you to help be the father to the baby. | 跟我说他想让你帮忙成为孩子的父亲 |
| [13:56] | Really? | 真的吗 |
| [13:57] | Yeah. Phil always said | 真的 菲尔一直说 |
| [13:58] | there was no one more giving and kind than Todd, | 没有谁比陶德更有爱心更友善了 |
| [14:01] | and he always hoped that our child would grow up | 他一直希望我们的孩子可以 |
| [14:03] | to be as genuine and honest as you are. | 成为跟你一样真诚诚实的人 |
| [14:06] | I’m not as… wonderful | 我并不像… |
| [14:07] | as everybody thinks I am. | 大家想的那么棒 |
| [14:09] | What are you talking about? You’re the best. | 你胡说什么呢 你是最棒的 |
| [14:13] | So… | 所以 |
| [14:14] | will you help me? | 你愿意帮我吗 |
| [14:16] | Us? | 帮我们 |
| [14:20] | I’d be honored. | 这是我的荣幸 |
| [14:24] | Thank you, sweet Todd. | 谢谢你 善良的陶德 |
| [14:26] | Thank you. | 谢谢你 |
| [14:30] | Anything you need. | 我愿意为你效劳 |
| [14:32] | I want you to feel safe and happy and loved. | 我想让你感觉到安全幸福和爱 |
| [14:59] | You’re a monster! | 你这个禽兽 |
| [15:01] | What the hell is wrong with you?! | 你到底怎么回事啊 |
| [15:07] | How much women’s saliva do you need inside your mouth, | 你嘴巴里需要有多少女人的唾液 |
| [15:09] | you freaking monster?! | 你个该死的禽兽 |
| [15:17] | Damn it! | 我操 |
| [15:18] | Negative. | 还是没有 |
| [15:21] | Well, if at first you don’t succeed… | 如果第一次不成功… |
| [15:24] | All right, got to buckle down, eyes on the prize. | 那就专心致志 集中看奖品 |
| [15:27] | Thatcher, looks like it’s you and me on this one. | 撒切尔 这次就我们俩来吧 |
| [15:30] | Don’t look away from me. | 你要一直看着我 |
| [15:31] | Don’t avert your eyes. | 不要把目光移开 |
| [15:32] | Oh, smiling at me with those irresistible British teeth. | 用你那让人难以抗拒的英式牙齿朝我微笑 |
| [15:36] | I don’t like dentistry either. | 我也不喜欢看牙医 |
| [15:38] | Where’d you crash, Amelia? | 你在哪里坠机的 阿米莉娅 |
| [15:40] | Where’d you crash?! Don’t ask questions, just tell me! | 在哪里 不要问问题 告诉我 |
| [15:43] | You monster! | 你个怪物 |
| [15:44] | Destroyer of lives! | 生活毁灭者 |
| [15:49] | Hi, Janet. Hi, Janet. | 你好 珍妮特 |
| [15:51] | Gonna name it after all you guys if it’s a girl. | 如果生个女孩 我就用你们的名字给她取名 |
| [15:55] | Turn it around! | 调头 |
| [15:56] | Change course, you bastard! | 改变航线 你个混蛋 |
| [15:58] | Condoleezza, help me! | 康多莉扎 帮帮我啊 |
| [16:00] | Help me! | 帮帮我 |
| [16:03] | I can’t do it! | 我做不到 |
| [16:05] | I have to! | 我必须做到 |
| [16:06] | I can’t do it! | 我做不到 |
| [16:08] | I have to! | 我必须做到 |
| [16:18] | Can’t believe I’m sterile. | 真不敢相信 我不育 |
| [16:21] | I’m not gonna have a family. | 我不会有孩子 |
| [16:24] | I have to go tell Carol. | 我得告诉卡萝尔 |
| [16:33] | Carol? | 卡萝尔 |
| [16:35] | I have to tell you something. | 我得告诉你一件事 |
| [16:44] | It’s positive. | 是阳性 |
| [16:57] | Oh, there’s my little love monkey. | 我亲爱的小猴子 |
| [17:00] | Did you have a nice afternoon delight sleep-tight? | 你下午觉睡得还好吗 |
| [17:05] | What-what am I looking at here? | 你这是满脸怎么回事 |
| [17:07] | Oh, acupuncture. | 针灸 |
| [17:10] | Since we ruled you out– thank goll, | 感谢上帝 因为我们排除 |
| [17:12] | you know, eliminated you as the problem, hooray– | 你有问题的可能了 太棒了 |
| [17:16] | I decided I should really step up my game. | 所以我决定再进一步 |
| [17:19] | And acupuncture’s supposed to be great for fertility. | 针灸非常有利于受孕的 |
| [17:21] | Uh, aren’t those needles a little big? | 你用的针是不是有点大了 |
| [17:23] | Yes, they are thicker than traditional acupuncture needles, | 是比传统的针灸用针大一点 |
| [17:28] | because they’re actually pushpins. | 因为我用的是大头针 |
| [17:30] | Are you sure about this? | 你觉得这样行吗 |
| [17:31] | Hey, look, it’s fine. | 听我说 没事的 |
| [17:34] | I’m just sorry to put you through all this. | 我很抱歉让你经历那么多 |
| [17:36] | A family’s the one thing we both want, | 我们都想要个孩子 |
| [17:38] | and I’m powerless to make it happen, | 我却对此无能为力 |
| [17:41] | and it’s just really hard not to feel guilty. | 所以很难没有负罪感 |
| [17:43] | But the mind’s a powerful thing, | 但是人的意志是很强大的 |
| [17:45] | and maybe we can will it to happen. | 或许我们能靠意志成功 |
| [17:48] | Looks like you hit a little gusher there, Carol. | 你好像扎到血管了 卡萝尔 |
| [17:51] | That’s how you know it’s working. | 这样才管用 |
| [17:53] | Carol, I have to tell you something. | 卡萝尔 我得告诉你一件事 |
| [17:54] | Hey, y’all, I was thinking about going t… | 各位 我在想去… |
| [17:57] | Good Lord, Hellraiser, what is that? | 我的天呐 猛鬼追魂啊 你搞什么 |
| [18:01] | We’re trying to have a baby. | 我们想要个孩子 |
| [18:03] | You know what, I don’t want to know. | 算了 我不想知道 |
| [18:05] | I don’t want to know. | 我不想知道 |
| [18:06] | I just want to go to the beach | 我就想去海滩一趟 |
| [18:07] | and wondered if anybody wanted to join me. | 你们有人想跟我一起去吗 |
| [18:09] | Oh, I’d love to. | 我想去 |
| [18:11] | Don’t want to take ’em out before we go? | 你不要先把头上的东西拿下来吗 |
| [18:13] | They need five minutes to set. | 要扎五分钟才能起作用 |
| [18:18] | Well, Tandy aced his fertility test, | 坦迪检测出来没有不育 |
| [18:20] | so now we all know the problem lies with yours truly, so… | 所以现在我们知道是谁的问题了 所以 |
| [18:25] | Look, I can’t take this anymore. | 我再也藏不下去了 |
| [18:27] | Carol, I have to tell you something. | 卡萝尔 我得告诉你一件事 |
| [18:30] | What is it? | 什么事 |
| [18:32] | – Carol… – Wait, is that Todd? | -卡萝尔 -大家看 那是陶德吗 |
| [18:35] | He’s still in his khakis. | 他还穿着卡其裤 |
| [18:37] | In his car keys? | 什么车钥匙 |
| [18:38] | Sorry, “Kya-kis, kya-kis.” | 抱歉 “瞌啊卡 期一其” |
| [18:39] | – Okay, that’s better. – Is that better? | -这样好多了 -好多了吗 |
| [18:44] | Look, I-I have something important to say. | 听着 我有重要的事要说 |
| [18:46] | Yeah, sorry, bud, get in line. | 抱歉伙计 你得排队 |
| [18:47] | Tandy, I have to do this now, man. | 坦迪 我必须马上说 |
| [18:50] | Ugh, it’d better be super freaking important, dude. | 你说的事最好超级他妈重要 |
| [18:51] | It freaking is. | 是超级重要 |
| [18:56] | Melissa… | 梅丽莎 |
| [18:59] | …I’ve been hooking up with Gail. | 我一直跟盖尔有一腿 |
| [19:00] | What the hell? | 搞什么 |
| [19:02] | Uh, Gail… | 盖尔 |
| [19:04] | I started re-hooking up with Melissa. | 我又开始跟梅丽莎搞上了 |
| [19:08] | You whore. | 你个贱人 |
| [19:09] | I’m not done just yet. | 我还没说完 |
| [19:13] | I kissed Erica. | 我吻了艾瑞卡 |
| [19:14] | I did not know that there was a take-a-number situation. | 我那会儿不知道情况这么复杂 |
| [19:17] | Gail, I thought you were my friend. | 盖尔 我还拿你当朋友 |
| [19:18] | You were broken up. | 你们当时已经分手了 |
| [19:19] | I’m the one that’s being double-timed here. | 我是受害者好吗 |
| [19:22] | Ladies, no, please, just… | 女士们 先不要说了 |
| [19:25] | Whether you believe me or not, I did this for you. | 不管你们信不信 我这样都是为了你们 |
| [19:28] | I care about all of you so much, really, | 我真的很关心你们所有人 |
| [19:30] | and I don’t want you to hurt. | 我不想让你们受伤 |
| [19:34] | I want to be there for you. | 我想陪着你们 |
| [19:38] | For all of you. | 陪你们所有人 |
| [19:41] | And, damn it, I don’t want to do it behind your backs. | 该死 我不想背着你们那么做 |
| [19:46] | So, with that in mind, | 所以 这样的话 |
| [19:49] | yeah, I mean… you know, would it be so wrong | 我是说…如果我们 |
| [19:52] | if… we were, | 都…我是说 |
| [19:57] | you know, I mean, uh, | 我们都在一起 |
| [19:59] | all… together? | 那样好吗 |
| [20:02] | I mean, you know, I-I mean, not-not like a… | 我不是说要… |
| [20:04] | you know, a Big Love situation. | 一夫三妻 |
| [20:07] | You know? But more of like a… | 其实更像… |
| [20:10] | Big… Love… | 一…夫… |
| [20:14] | situation. | 三妻 |
| [20:18] | Well, uh, looks like I’m up. | 下面到我了 |
| [20:20] | Uh, that was super gross, by the way. | 对了 你太恶心了 |
| [20:24] | Uh, Carol. | 卡萝尔 |
| [20:26] | It’s not you– it’s me. | 不是你 是我 |
| [20:29] | Yeah, I-I… I didn’t have the balls to tell you this, | 我…我之前没胆量告诉你 |
| [20:32] | but… I don’t have the balls to have children. | 但是 我没本事有孩子 |
| [20:39] | Carol, I’m sterile. | 卡萝尔 我不育 |
| [20:42] | Oh, my goll. | 我的天呐 |
| [20:44] | Please don’t leave me… | 求你不要离开我 |
| [20:45] | No, look! | 不是 你们看 |
| [20:50] | Holy farts. | 我勒个去 |
| [20:52] | * When I look so far away * | * 我远望的时候 * |
| [20:56] | * Please don’t wake me from my dreams * | * 请不要打扰我的梦 * |
| [21:01] | * I’m just wondering who I could be * | * 我想知道我能成为谁 * |
| [21:05] | * If I lived inside my dreams * | * 如果我住在我的梦里 * |
| [21:10] | * I could be a king or a football star * | * 我可能成为国王或足球明星 * |
| [21:17] | * Drive around in a big sports car * | * 开车大跑车到处风光 * |