| 时间 | 英文 | 中文 |
|---|---|---|
| [00:18] | Baby bump alert. | 准妈妈上线了 |
| [00:20] | I haven’t had any pregnancy symptoms. | 我一点怀孕的迹象都没有 |
| [00:22] | What if something’s really wrong? | 万一真的出问题了呢 |
| [00:24] | Can you tell us your name? | 你能告诉我们你叫什么吗 |
| [00:25] | I’m starting to wonder if he’s ever gonna talk. | 我开始怀疑他到底会不会说话了 |
| [00:28] | She’s kind of in a foggy stage. | 她现在的状态比较一言难尽 |
| [00:29] | I’ve been having to guess on her dosage. | 我一直在猜到底药量应该是多少 |
| [00:34] | The big day. | 大日子 |
| [00:36] | The big day. | 大日子 |
| [00:38] | You excited? | 你激动吗 |
| [00:39] | I’m so happy. | 我太开心了 |
| [00:41] | Oh, yeah, I am, too. | 我也是 |
| [00:44] | What are you thinking about? | 你在想什么 |
| [00:48] | Someone very special to me. | 想一个对我来说很特殊的人 |
| [00:50] | I wonder who that could be. | 那个人是谁呢 |
| [00:52] | Oh, Gail, | 盖尔 |
| [00:54] | you’re my rock. | 你是我的电 |
| [00:55] | And you’re my roll. | 你是我的光 |
| [01:06] | Jasper? | 贾思博 |
| [01:09] | Jasper? | 贾思博 |
| [01:11] | I’m in here. | 我在这儿 |
| [01:15] | Are you freaking kidding me right now? | 你他妈是在跟我开玩笑吗 |
| [01:18] | No way. | 不会吧 |
| [01:21] | What? | 怎么了 |
| [01:22] | I have been waiting for this moment | 我等这一刻等了太久了 |
| [01:24] | for so long, and it finally came. | 这一刻终于到了 |
| [01:27] | What are you all hyped up about? It’s no big deal. | 你激动个什么劲 这没啥了不起的 |
| [01:30] | No, this is a very big deal. | 不 这很了不起 |
| [01:33] | Do you know how long you’ve been promising me | 你知道你已经答应了我多久 |
| [01:34] | you’d paint my go-kart pink for breast cancer awareness? | 说要为了预防乳腺癌把我的卡丁车涂粉吗 |
| [01:38] | Thank you. | 谢谢你 |
| [01:42] | Jasper… | 贾思博 |
| [01:44] | what do we say when someone says thank you? | 我说谢谢你 你应该说什么 |
| [01:48] | You’re welcome. | 不用谢 |
| [01:49] | That’s right, | 没错 |
| [01:50] | we say you’re welcome. | 我们要说 不用谢 |
| [01:52] | Jasper, thank you very much for saying you’re welcome. | 贾思博 非常感谢你说不用谢 |
| [01:57] | You’re welcome. | 不用谢 |
| [01:59] | Thank you for that one, too. | 也谢谢你说不用谢 |
| [02:03] | Jasper. | 贾思博 |
| [02:04] | You’re welcome. | 不用谢 |
| [02:08] | Let’s go get ready for the big day, huh? | 我们去好好为大日子准备一下 好吗 |
| [02:11] | Okay. | 好的 |
| [02:16] | Okay, let’s see what we got here. | 让我看看你的眉毛怎样了 |
| [02:22] | Oh, those have not come back yet. | 你的眉毛还没长出来 |
| [02:25] | No? | 还没吗 |
| [02:27] | Oh, no. Oh, that’s not good. | 不 这可不妙 |
| [02:29] | Maybe we just need to let ’em get a little air for a while. | 也许我们应该让它多接触点空气 |
| [02:33] | Okay, yeah. | 好的 |
| [02:35] | Okay. | 好的 |
| [02:38] | Well, should we get going? | 我们可以开始了吗 |
| [02:39] | Yeah, don’t want to be late for the big day, huh? | 是啊 大日子可不好迟到呢 对吧 |
| [02:42] | Will you help me up? | 你会帮我准备吗 |
| [02:42] | Yeah. | 当然 |
| [02:50] | *She drives me crazy* | *她让我疯狂* |
| [02:56] | *Like no one else* | *她与众不同* |
| [03:00] | *She drives me crazy* | *她让我疯狂* |
| [03:03] | *And I can’t help myself* | *而我无法自拔* |
| [03:11] | *Like no one else* | *她与众不同* |
| [03:17] | *She drives me crazy* | *她让我疯狂* |
| [03:22] | *Like no one else* | *她与众不同* |
| [03:28] | *She drives me crazy* | *她让我疯狂* |
| [03:31] | *And I can’t help myself* | *而我无法自拔* |
| [03:36] | Pretty ugly spot for a wedding, huh? | 这地方举办婚礼有点丑吧 |
| [03:40] | First of all, I’d like to commend the bridal party | 首先 我要称赞新娘的亲友团 |
| [03:43] | for the choice to all wear wedding dresses. | 她们都穿上了婚纱 |
| [03:45] | Just beautiful. | 真是美 |
| [03:47] | And I mean, we all know who’s getting married, | 我们都知道要结婚的是谁 |
| [03:48] | so that was not confusing at all. Yeah. | 所以这一点也不混乱 没错 |
| [03:52] | Melissa, Todd, | 梅丽莎 陶德 |
| [03:54] | we just heard a beautiful rendition of your coitus anthem, | 我们刚听完一首美妙的交合赞歌 |
| [03:57] | “She Drives Me Crazy.” | 《她让我疯狂》 |
| [03:59] | And now, you are uniting your souls, | 而现在 你们要让灵魂相交 |
| [04:01] | much the same way you did your penis and vagina | 就和你们小弟弟小妹妹交合一样 |
| [04:03] | so many times to that beautiful song. | 那首赞歌里多次如是唱到 |
| [04:06] | And now, that song has taken on a whole new meaning, | 而现在 当新娘杀了一个不认识的人 |
| [04:09] | when the bride went medically crazy | 然后完全疯狂之后 |
| [04:10] | after killing a man she did not know. | 这首歌有了全新的含义 |
| [04:13] | But that was the past. | 但那都过去了 |
| [04:15] | And this is the future. | 现在我们要面向未来 |
| [04:17] | Look how far we’ve come, huh? | 看看我们走过的路 |
| [04:19] | The last six months have been, by far, | 过去的六个月 |
| [04:22] | the most interesting that we’ve all shared. | 是我们共同经历的最有趣的阶段 |
| [04:24] | A real roller coaster. | 生活充满了大起大落 |
| [04:26] | So many powerful moments– | 有太多激动的瞬间 |
| [04:29] | too many to go into detail, you know. | 太多了我就不细说了 |
| [04:32] | And we were all there anyway, so, you know, | 不管怎样 我们都撑了过来 所以 |
| [04:34] | what’s the frickin’ point, yeah? | 重点到底是什么 |
| [04:36] | But, uh, bottom line, | 不管怎样 重要的是 |
| [04:38] | we’re stronger than ever. Huh? | 我们都比以往更强大了 对吗 |
| [04:41] | Let’s get to the vows. | 现在开始宣誓 |
| [04:43] | Melissa, | 梅丽莎 |
| [04:43] | would you like to go first? | 你要先来吗 |
| [04:46] | Todd, | 陶德 |
| [04:47] | you are my savior. | 你就是我的救星 |
| [04:50] | And I can’t wait to spend the rest of my life with you. | 我已经迫不及待要和你共度余生了 |
| [04:55] | Thank you. | 谢谢你 |
| [04:59] | – Is that it? – Yeah. | -说完了吗 -是的 |
| [05:01] | Perfect. | 完美 |
| [05:02] | Uh, Todd, uh, wishing he didn’t have to go second here, huh? | 陶德 希望自己不用第二个说 对吧 |
| [05:05] | Great job. | 说得好 |
| [05:08] | Melissa… | 梅丽莎 |
| [05:10] | you’re my home. | 你是我的家 |
| [05:14] | As you all know, | 你们都知道 |
| [05:15] | I went through the legal and spiritual steps | 我用尽了一切法律手段 经历了多次精神挫折 |
| [05:19] | to reclaim my virginity. | 终于重获贞洁 |
| [05:21] | Today I wear white | 今天 我穿着白色 |
| [05:23] | as a symbol | 就象征着 |
| [05:25] | of the three months of abstinence we observed as a couple. | 我们作为一对夫妻共同经历的三个月禁欲生活 |
| [05:30] | And the two months I observed as an individual. | 以及我个人经历的两个月禁欲生活 |
| [05:32] | I stand before you pure as the driven snow. | 我现在站在你面前 纯洁如雪 |
| [05:36] | I worship at your altar, | 我身魂皆献于你 |
| [05:38] | drinking in your spirit. | 我被你的灵魂深深吸引 |
| [05:40] | Jasper, | 贾思博 |
| [05:41] | do you have the rings? | 你拿着戒指吗 |
| [05:48] | Uh, uh, Jasper, don’t you have something you wanna say? | 贾思博 你不是有话想说吗 |
| [05:52] | Here are two rings around the rosie. | 玫瑰花上套了两个戒指[源于瘟疫的英国儿歌] |
| [05:54] | Uh, uh, Jasper? | 贾思博 |
| [05:57] | Boom. | 哈哈 |
| [05:59] | I taught him that. Good job, Jasper. | 我教的 干得漂亮 贾思博 |
| [06:03] | Jasper, what do we say when somebody… | 贾思博 如果别人说… |
| [06:04] | Thank you! | 谢谢 |
| [06:08] | The ring. | 戒指 |
| [06:10] | It is round like the sun, | 如太阳般圆润 |
| [06:12] | the moon, and, of course, the woman’s cervix. | 如月亮般圆润 也如女人的子宫般圆润 |
| [06:17] | The cervix is heavily on my mind these days, | 最近我总是想起子宫 |
| [06:19] | as I’m about to deliver our child | 因为我的孩子即将从 |
| [06:21] | from Carol’s gorgeous womb. | 卡萝尔伟大的子宫中出生 |
| [06:23] | And Carol and I couldn’t be more happy about it. | 卡萝尔和我简直不能更开心 |
| [06:26] | We are both so excited about it. | 我们都很激动 |
| [06:28] | I’m reminded of the words of Jeopardy! | 我想起了危险边缘[问答节目] |
| [06:30] | Champion Ken Jennings… | 冠军肯·詹宁斯说的话 |
| [06:32] | Okay, we’re done here. | 好的 我受够了 |
| [06:32] | – I do. Todd? – I do, too. | -我愿意 陶德 -我也愿意 |
| [06:34] | Going straight into the kiss now. | 直接进入亲吻环节了 |
| [06:36] | Um, Uh, I have a statement to… | 我还有话要说 |
| [06:38] | Uh, ladies and gentlemen, | 女士们 先生们 |
| [06:39] | Mr. And Mrs. Chartres-Rodriguez! Huh? And now, uh, | 已经是夏特尔·罗德里格斯夫妇了 现在 |
| [06:42] | we release the doves, and by doves I mean crickets, | 我们放飞鸽子 说是鸽子 其实是蟋蟀 |
| [06:45] | since all doves are dead. | 因为鸽子都死了 |
| [06:46] | Release the crickets! | 放飞蟋蟀 |
| [06:52] | Oh, wh… Hey, you guys. | 大家伙 |
| [06:54] | It’s a symbol of peace. | 这是和平的象征 |
| [07:14] | Carol. | 卡萝尔 |
| [07:16] | So you still haven’t told him? | 你还没告诉他吗 |
| [07:17] | Well, we had a talk about it. | 我们稍微聊了一下 |
| [07:20] | Oh, yeah? | 是吗 |
| [07:21] | And what did you say? | 那你说了什么呢 |
| [07:23] | Uh, um, I, well… | 我 |
| [07:24] | Oh, right. I said, “Tandy.” | 对了 我说 坦迪 |
| [07:27] | And he said, “Yes?” | 他说 怎么了 |
| [07:28] | And then that’s as far as we got. | 然后我们就说到这里了 |
| [07:32] | You have to tell him I’m delivering the baby. | 你必须告诉他 我来帮你生孩子 |
| [07:34] | The only thing that man is qualified to deliver is rancid farts. | 男人够格生出来的唯一东西就是臭屁 |
| [07:38] | But he’s been studying so hard. | 但他真的很用心在学 |
| [07:40] | He wrote whole rap about the stages of labor. | 他还把分娩全过程写成了说唱歌曲呢 |
| [07:43] | It’s very good. | 写得很好 |
| [07:44] | – Do you want to hear it? – No. | -你想听听吗 -不想 |
| [07:45] | *In active labor, what you gonna do* | *要分娩了怎么办* |
| [07:48] | *I’m gonna put on my runnin’ shoes* | *我要穿上跑鞋* |
| [07:51] | His plan is to put on shoes? | 他的计划就是穿上跑鞋吗 |
| [07:54] | ‘Cause my plan is to monitor the fetal heartbeat, | 我的计划可是监听胎儿心音 |
| [07:58] | time your contractions, | 你宫缩的时间 |
| [08:00] | and measure your dilation. | 还要测量你宫口开了多少 |
| [08:02] | So you’re not gonna wear shoes? | 所以你不会穿鞋吗 |
| [08:03] | I’m gonna wear friggin’ shoes. | 我他妈当然会穿鞋 |
| [08:05] | Carol, do you still want me to deliver this baby? | 卡萝尔 你还想不想要我接生这个孩子 |
| [08:08] | Of course. But how am I gonna tell him? | 当然了 但我怎么告诉他呢 |
| [08:11] | You just do it. | 就那么说 |
| [08:14] | Yeah. Okay. | 好吧 好吧 |
| [08:15] | Yeah, just do it. | 好吧 就那么说 |
| [08:16] | – Yeah. – Okay. | -对啊 -好的 |
| [08:17] | – Okay. – Okay. | -好的 -好的 |
| [08:19] | Unique New York. | 独一无二的纽约 |
| [08:21] | Red leather, yellow leather. Red leather, yellow leather. | 红羽毛 黄羽毛 红羽毛 黄羽毛 |
| [08:25] | – Unique New York. – Tandy. | -独一无二的纽约 -坦迪 |
| [08:26] | – Yes? – Remember last month when I said “Tandy” | -怎么了 -还记得上次我说坦迪 |
| [08:29] | and you said, “Yes?” | 你说怎么了的时候吗 |
| [08:31] | – Of course. – Well, there’s more. | -当然了 -我有话没说完 |
| [08:33] | W… Uh, can it wait a sec? | 等等 能等会儿再说吗 |
| [08:34] | I was about to say a few words. | 我正准备上去致词呢 |
| [08:37] | Yeah. | 好啊 |
| [08:38] | Thank you. Okay. | 谢谢你 |
| [08:42] | Gather around, please. | 麻烦大家聚过来 |
| [08:44] | And bring your glasses. | 记得带上你们的酒杯 |
| [08:46] | I’d like to make a toaster strudel, if I may. | 如果可以的话 我想说几句祝酒词 |
| [08:49] | Todd, Melissa, I just want to say | 陶德 梅丽莎 我想说 |
| [08:52] | I-I’m so happy for you guys. You know? | 我真为你们高兴 你们知道吗 |
| [08:55] | You faced some tough times– | 你们经历了那么多困苦 |
| [08:57] | we all have. | 我们都是如此 |
| [08:58] | My parents– they never expected much from me. | 我父母 他们对我没什么期望 |
| [09:01] | And, to be honest, they never got it, you know? | 说实话 他们没看到这一天 |
| [09:05] | But, uh… | 但是 |
| [09:06] | God, if they could see me now, huh? | 天哪 真希望他们能看到现在的我 |
| [09:10] | You know, delivering my own baby. | 给自己的孩子接生 |
| [09:12] | An obgyn. | 一位妇产科医生 |
| [09:14] | Friggin’ doctor in the family. | 我是家里的医生 |
| [09:17] | Mom, Dad, I did good. | 爸爸妈妈 我做得很好 |
| [09:21] | I did good. | 我做得很好 |
| [09:25] | To Tandy. | 敬坦迪 |
| [09:27] | – To Tandy. – To Tandy. | -敬坦迪 -敬坦迪 |
| [09:29] | – Did we just toast to Tandy at our wedding? – Yeah. | -我们是在我们婚礼上敬了坦迪一杯吗 -是的 |
| [09:33] | So what did you-what did you want to say? | 你刚才 你刚才想说什么来着 |
| [09:36] | I have diarrhea. | 我拉肚子了 |
| [09:40] | When it rains, it pours. | 祸不单行啊 |
| [09:45] | You know what that means. | 你知道这是什么意思的 |
| [09:47] | Aw, do we have to? | 非得这样吗 |
| [09:51] | This is so nice. Isn’t this nice? | 这太棒了 不是吗 |
| [09:53] | It’s great. Let’s get out of here. | 这很棒 我们出去吧 |
| [09:55] | What’s the rush? | 急什么 |
| [09:55] | I want to go have sex. That’s the rush. | 我想滚床单 就急这个 |
| [09:57] | Hon, look, we waited this long. | 亲爱的 听着 我们都等了这么久了 |
| [09:59] | Let’s do this the right way. | 这次要好好做 |
| [09:59] | Yeah, in the closet. Right now. | 是啊 在柜子里做 就现在 |
| [10:04] | Not again. | 又来了 |
| [10:06] | Okay, let’s go. | 走吧 |
| [10:07] | Look, my first time is not gonna be in some dirty closet. | 我的第一次才不要在什么脏柜子里做呢 |
| [10:10] | Oh, my God, Todd, are you trying to make me insane again? | 天哪 陶德 你又要把我逼疯吗 |
| [10:13] | Tandy! | 坦迪 |
| [10:14] | You ever had a spoon up your butt? | 你屁股上有插过勺子吗 |
| [10:20] | No. | 没有 |
| [10:22] | Look, let’s just take a deep breath, okay? | 听着 深呼吸 好吗 |
| [10:23] | Enjoy the reception, | 享受这个派对 |
| [10:25] | and then I’ll give you a night to remember. | 然后我会给你一个难忘的夜晚 |
| [10:27] | Fine, let’s do the reception. Dinner now! | 那好吧 我们继续派对 吃晚餐了 |
| [10:30] | So, did you do it? | 你说了吗 |
| [10:32] | Yeah. | 说了 |
| [10:33] | Oh, Lord, Carol. | 天哪 卡萝尔 |
| [10:35] | I know you’re in a tough position, | 我知道你现在很两难 |
| [10:37] | but this has got to be done. | 但你必须把这事解决了 |
| [10:39] | His parents are so proud. How’s he gonna feel | 他的父母如此为他骄傲 如果我告诉他 |
| [10:41] | if I tell him that I don’t want him to deliver the baby? | 我不要他接生 他会怎么想 |
| [10:44] | Just blame it all on me; tell him I forbid it | 把锅都甩给我就好了 告诉他 |
| [10:47] | and that I’m being a massive “B” about it. | 我完全是个恶婆娘 我不准他接生 |
| [10:49] | No. | 不 |
| [10:50] | He’s my husband and I’m his wife. | 他是我丈夫 我是他妻子 |
| [10:52] | This has to come from me. | 必须由我来说 |
| [10:55] | So, this just in. | 最新消息 |
| [10:57] | Gail forbids you from delivering our baby, | 盖尔不让你给我们的孩子接生 |
| [10:59] | and she’s being a massive “B” about it. | 她完全是个恶婆娘 |
| [11:01] | What? | 什么 |
| [11:03] | Why? | 为什么 |
| [11:04] | She just put her foot down and said she’s gonna be my doctor, | 她就直接跟我说要当我的医生 |
| [11:07] | and there’s nothing I can do about it. | 我也无能为力 |
| [11:09] | But I’m ready for this. | 但我都准备好了 |
| [11:10] | I know! And I yelled it at her. | 我知道 我还吼她了 |
| [11:13] | But she was just like… | 但她就… |
| [11:16] | But this is my child! | 但这是我的孩子 |
| [11:18] | That’s what I said, but even more emphatically. | 我也是这么说的 但是语气更强烈 |
| [11:22] | But, yeah, apparently this is just what’s happening now. | 但是 现在现在就这么定了 |
| [11:25] | This is the new normal. | 这是新状态 |
| [11:27] | And the sad thing is | 而且让人难过的是 |
| [11:28] | I know you would have done a better job. | 我知道你会做得更好 |
| [11:30] | And I’ve said that publicly to a bunch of people. | 我在公开场合这么跟很多人说过 |
| [11:33] | Go around and ask. | 不信你去问问 |
| [11:34] | No. I am going to go talk to Gail | 不 我要去跟盖尔谈谈 |
| [11:35] | and tell her this is ridiculous! | 告诉她这太荒谬了 |
| [11:37] | I am delivering this baby! | 我一定要给孩子接生 |
| [11:50] | Go ahead. | 来吧 |
| [11:52] | Finish the job. | 一刀了结我 |
| [11:55] | Carol sell me out? | 卡萝尔把我出卖了 |
| [11:57] | I pleaded with her not to do it, | 我求她不要那么做 |
| [11:58] | but you know her, always telling the truth. | 但你也知道她 就是喜欢说实话 |
| [12:01] | Yeah. It’s a wonderful quality. | 是 那是一种优良品质 |
| [12:03] | You should try it sometime. | 你应该也找时间试试 |
| [12:05] | How about right now? | 现在如何 |
| [12:08] | You’re not good at most things. | 你大多数事都不擅长 |
| [12:10] | Name one. | 说一个出来 |
| [12:12] | Math, jokes, basic hygiene, | 数学 笑话 基本卫生 |
| [12:16] | ideas, knowing what others think about you. | 出主意 知道别人对你的看法 |
| [12:18] | You named five– fail. | 你说出了五个 失败 |
| [12:21] | Name’s Gail. You can have your “F” back. | 我叫盖尔 不是失败 没有F |
| [12:24] | Sometimes I get my “F”s and my “G”s mixed up. | 有时候我是会把F和G混淆 |
| [12:26] | So why don’t you fo guck yourselg. | 所以你快点死去吧 |
| [12:28] | No matter how much Carol protests, | 不管卡萝尔如何抗议 |
| [12:31] | you are not delivering this baby. | 你不能给孩子接生 |
| [12:33] | You’ve never seen me in an operating room, | 你从没见过我进手术室 |
| [12:35] | but I’ve seen you in one, and it did not go well. | 但我见过你 最后结果可不好 |
| [12:39] | That was low. | 太过分了 |
| [12:40] | I have spent every day of the past six months | 过去半年我每天都在准备 |
| [12:43] | preparing for that birth. | 为那个孩子接生 |
| [12:44] | I’m ready. | 我准备好了 |
| [12:46] | You think so? | 是吗 |
| [12:47] | I know so. | 是的 |
| [12:48] | And I’m gonna prove it to you. | 我会证明给你看 |
| [12:51] | Gail. | 盖尔 |
| [12:53] | Tandy. | 坦迪 |
| [13:09] | What a glorious opportunity for rebirth. | 这真是重生的好机会 |
| [13:12] | God, I’m so happy that my second first time’s | 天啊 真高兴我的第二次第一次 |
| [13:14] | gonna be so special. | 会如此特别 |
| [13:16] | You know, ’cause m-my first-first time was not. | 因为我的第一次第一次不特别 |
| [13:19] | Her name was Tanya. | 她叫坦亚 |
| [13:21] | She was incredibly alluring, | 她人特别有魅力 |
| [13:22] | but the mental side was just not there. | 但是精神方面有点不太好 |
| [13:25] | I mean, | 我是说 |
| [13:26] | the physical side was so there. | 身体方面非常好 |
| [13:29] | You know, it was electric. | 特别来电 |
| [13:31] | We would glide effortlessly from position to position, | 我们很自然地从一个姿势换到另一个姿势 |
| [13:34] | you know, matching each other orgasm for orgasm. | 两个人一起从一次高潮到另一次高潮 |
| [13:38] | Todd, I’ve hung in there as long as I could. Can we wrap it up? | 陶德 我已经尽量坚持了 能开始了吗 |
| [13:42] | Be gentle with me. | 对我温柔点 |
| [13:43] | God, I hope I remember how to do it. | 天啊 希望我还记得怎么做 |
| [13:45] | I’m so scared. | 我好害怕 |
| [13:50] | Guys! I need you right now! | 两位 我现在需要你们 |
| [13:52] | – Please, follow me! – No. | -请跟我来 -不要 |
| [13:54] | No, guys, come on! This is important! | 快来 这很重要 |
| [13:56] | Tandy, is it more important than me losing my virginity? | 坦迪 比我失去贞操还重要吗 |
| [13:59] | 1,000%, bud. | 绝对的 伙计 |
| [14:03] | Well, well, well. | 好了好了 |
| [14:05] | Thank you all for coming. | 谢谢你们过来 |
| [14:06] | As usual, I’ll be brief. | 我会一如既往地快速说完 |
| [14:08] | No, you won’t. | 你不会 |
| [14:09] | Now, it’s come to my attention that, uh, | 我注意到 |
| [14:13] | some people in this, uh… | 有些人… |
| [14:17] | …some people in this, uh– | 有些人… |
| [14:19] | It’s come to my attention that some people in this room | 我注意到这个屋里有些人 |
| [14:22] | do not believe in my skills | 不相信我的技术 |
| [14:25] | as an obstetrician. | 不让我做产科医生 |
| [14:27] | Just say “Gail,” dummy. | 直接说是盖尔就行 蠢货 |
| [14:28] | Okay. | 好 |
| [14:29] | Gail-dummy does not want me to deliver my own child. | 盖尔蠢货不想让我给我自己的孩子接生 |
| [14:33] | Yeah, that’s the right call; you would suck. | 这个决定很对 你肯定不行 |
| [14:34] | Let’s go. | 我们走 |
| [14:37] | Okay. Well, have a good presentation, bud. | 好 你好好说 伙计 |
| [14:39] | I’m-I’m cool with whatever the group decides. | 我同意大家的决定 |
| [14:42] | Thank you, Todd. | 谢谢 陶德 |
| [14:43] | And I hope Gail is, too. | 希望盖尔也是 |
| [14:46] | Now I have prepared a series of demonstrations. | 我准备了一系列演示 |
| [14:49] | The first of which | 第一个演示 |
| [14:50] | will highlight my hygiene, | 会凸显我的卫生 |
| [14:51] | which some have wrongly hinted may be a concern. | 有些人暗示这会是一个问题 |
| [14:54] | It was me, and I flat-out said it. | 是我 我直说的 |
| [14:56] | Well, allow me to assuage your fears. | 那就让我打消你的恐惧 |
| [15:01] | In my hands are gloves, | 我手上这是手套 |
| [15:03] | but within a matter of seconds, in these gloves will be hands. | 几秒后 手套里就会是我的手了 |
| [15:07] | Carol, start the timer. | 卡萝尔 开始计时 |
| [15:08] | Oh, okay. | 好 |
| [15:11] | Okay, go! | 好 开始 |
| [15:27] | Time. Carol, time. | 时间 卡萝尔 时间 |
| [15:28] | Uh, 15 seconds. | 15秒 |
| [15:29] | Kind of a lobster claw thing happening. | 你那就像龙虾钳一样 |
| [15:32] | I don’t need all my fingers to deliver a baby. | 给孩子接生不用全部指头都用上 |
| [15:35] | The point is | 重点是 |
| [15:36] | cleanliness, sterility, hygiene. | 干净 无菌 卫生 |
| [15:40] | Demonstration number two. | 演示二 |
| [15:42] | Some people in this room… | 这里有人… |
| [15:43] | Again, just say me. | 直接说我就行 |
| [15:45] | …have wrongly labeled me a klutz. | 错误地认为我笨手笨脚 |
| [15:47] | What? Are you afraid I’m gonna drop the baby? | 怎么 你担心我会把孩子掉到地上吗 |
| [15:49] | ‘Cause the only place I’m gonna drop this baby | 我唯一会把孩子送去的地方 |
| [15:52] | is off at college. | 就是大学 |
| [15:55] | The delivery. | 传送器 |
| [15:56] | Carol, would you please do the honors? | 卡萝尔 能劳你大驾吗 |
| [15:58] | It’s a simple switch on the side of the machine. | 机器一边有个简单的开关 |
| [16:00] | – Okay. – You’ll find it turns on the machine. | -好 -打开就能开动机器 |
| [16:12] | One. | 一 |
| [16:15] | Two. | 二 |
| [16:16] | Three. | 三 |
| [16:18] | Four. Turn it off. Nailed it. | 四 关掉 完胜 |
| [16:22] | Oh, I already asked for the machine to be turned off, | 我已经要求关掉机器了 |
| [16:24] | so that one does not count. | 所以最后一个不算数 |
| [16:25] | That doesn’t prove smack, Tandy. | 这什么都证明不了 坦迪 |
| [16:27] | Delivering a child requires actual skills, | 给孩子接生需要真正的技术 |
| [16:30] | or somebody’s gonna get hurt. | 否则会有人受伤 |
| [16:32] | Which leads me to demonstration number three. | 所以我还有演示三 |
| [16:42] | Now, before me is a baby doll baked into Jell-O. | 我前面这是一个放进果冻里的婴儿玩偶 |
| [16:45] | The doll represents our baby, and the Jell-O represents | 玩偶代表我们的孩子 果冻代表 |
| [16:48] | Carol’s delicate womb structures. | 卡萝尔精密的子宫结构 |
| [16:50] | Carol, does that look about right to you? | 卡萝尔 你觉得像吗 |
| [16:54] | Yeah. | 嗯 |
| [16:55] | And, Gail, would you like to taste the Jell-O | 盖尔 你想尝尝这果冻 |
| [16:57] | to make sure that it’s actual Jell-O? | 证明这是真的果冻吗 |
| [16:59] | I’m good. | 不用了 |
| [17:00] | So, in this demo, | 这个演示中 |
| [17:01] | I’m going to prove that I’m capable | 我会证明我能够 |
| [17:03] | of safely delivering this baby doll | 安全地给这个婴儿玩偶接生 |
| [17:06] | with exactly zero damage to this metorical womb. | 完全不伤害母体的子宫 |
| [17:09] | Behold. | 请看 |
| [17:15] | Gently entering the Jell-O canal. | 慢慢进入果冻阴道 |
| [17:18] | How’s this feeling, Carol? | 感觉如何 卡萝尔 |
| [17:21] | Fine. | 还行 |
| [17:22] | Okay, good. | 那就好 |
| [17:23] | I’m tugging on it a little bit. | 稍微拉一下 |
| [17:25] | It’s a very tight seal. Good for you, Carol. | 很紧 真不错 卡萝尔 |
| [17:27] | I do squeezers. | 我有锻炼 |
| [17:29] | Okay. | 好 |
| [17:30] | I can tell. | 能看得出 |
| [17:31] | Note that the Jell-O is still fully intact. | 注意果冻还是完好无损 |
| [17:34] | No. I’m seeing some cracks there, crackerjack. | 不 我看到这边裂开了 真厉害 |
| [17:37] | Just normal fissures. | 那是正常的裂隙 |
| [17:38] | Uh, those will heal. | 会愈合的 |
| [17:40] | The amniotic sac is known to have a natural give. | 羊膜囊可以自然愈合 |
| [17:43] | Ooh, there’s a lot of cracks there, Tandy. | 裂隙很多了 坦迪 |
| [17:45] | I heard you the first time, Gail! Okay. | 刚才我就听到了 盖尔 好 |
| [17:47] | This one looks like the winter is coming. It’s com… | 看来冬天就要来了 就要… |
| [17:49] | Oh, no, no. Oh, no. Oh, God. | 不不不 天啊 |
| [17:50] | Oh, good God. | 天啊 |
| [17:52] | Oh, no, no, no, no! | 不不不 |
| [17:53] | Oh! I got it, I got it! | 搞定了 搞定了 |
| [17:57] | It’s a girl. Okay, now we just | 是个女孩 现在我们 |
| [17:59] | flip it upside down, give it a slap on the rump | 把孩子翻过来 拍一下她的屁股 |
| [18:02] | to get the oxygen flowing. | 让氧气流通起来 |
| [18:03] | – Okay– Oh, God! – Oh, good God. | -好 天啊 -天啊 |
| [18:05] | Slippery little sucker, huh? | 这小家伙真滑啊 |
| [18:07] | Oh, God. | 天啊 |
| [18:08] | Well, anyway, there you have it. | 总之 孩子出来了 |
| [18:10] | A healthy baby. | 一个健康的孩子 |
| [18:12] | Demonstration over. You’re not doing this. | 演示结束 你不能接生 |
| [18:14] | No. The decision is Carol’s to make, | 不 应该由卡萝尔来决定 |
| [18:17] | and she wants me to do it. | 她想让我接生 |
| [18:18] | Isn’t that right, Carol? | 是吧 卡萝尔 |
| [18:20] | – No. – See, Gail? | -不 -看到没 盖尔 |
| [18:21] | No. She doesn’t want you. | 不 她不想让你接生 |
| [18:22] | No, Tandy. | 不 坦迪 |
| [18:24] | Wait. A double no to Gail? | 慢着 对盖尔两次说不吗 |
| [18:26] | I think one “No” will suffice. | 我觉得说一次就行了 |
| [18:27] | You friggin’ nimwood. | 你个白痴 |
| [18:29] | It’s not me she’s saying no to, it’s you. | 她不是说我 是说你 |
| [18:33] | What are you talking about? | 你在说什么 |
| [18:34] | Carol is scared to tell you that she wants me | 卡萝尔不敢告诉你她想让我 |
| [18:37] | to deliver the baby. | 来给孩子接生 |
| [18:40] | Care Bear? | 亲爱的 |
| [18:52] | Tandy? | 坦迪 |
| [18:54] | Yeah? | 什么 |
| [18:59] | Tandy, are you in here? | 坦迪 你在这里吗 |
| [19:01] | No. | 不在 |
| [19:03] | Can I talk to you? | 我能跟你聊聊吗 |
| [19:15] | What? | 什么 |
| [19:17] | I am so sorry. | 真的很抱歉 |
| [19:20] | Why didn’t you just tell me? | 你为什么不直接告诉我 |
| [19:21] | I’ve been trying to for a long time, | 我早就想告诉你了 |
| [19:24] | but I knew how important it was for you | 但我知道让你已故的父母自豪 |
| [19:26] | to make your dead parents proud. | 对你来说是多么重要 |
| [19:28] | Carol, it’s not just that. | 卡萝尔 不止如此 |
| [19:30] | Then what is it? | 那是什么 |
| [19:32] | I just remember Phil on that operating table. | 我还记得菲尔在手术台上的情景 |
| [19:35] | Watching Gail and Todd in there | 看着盖尔和陶德在那里 |
| [19:37] | and not being able to do anything about it. | 我却无能为力 |
| [19:40] | I’ve never felt more helpless. | 我第一次那么无助 |
| [19:43] | And I loved Phil, | 我爱菲尔 |
| [19:44] | but you’re the most important person in my life. | 但你是我生命中最重要的人 |
| [19:48] | A-And it’s gonna be hard to just sit in there and do nothing. | 坐在一边什么都不做对我来说很难 |
| [19:52] | You won’t be doing nothing. | 你不会什么都不做 |
| [19:55] | You have the most important responsibility of all. | 你身上有最重要的责任 |
| [19:59] | You have to hold my hand. | 你得握着我的手 |
| [20:07] | Hey, Mom. | 妈 |
| [20:09] | Darling son. | 亲爱的儿子 |
| [20:10] | I-I just wanted to say no hard feelings. | 我就想来告诉你 不要记仇 |
| [20:14] | Fine. | 好 |
| [20:16] | Look, I’m-I’m sorry about the Phil thing. | 菲尔的事我很抱歉 |
| [20:19] | There was nothing you could have done. | 你也是无能为力 |
| [20:21] | Nobody could have. | 谁都是 |
| [20:24] | And when it comes down to it, | 说到接生 |
| [20:26] | I wouldn’t want anybody else to deliver our baby. | 我也不想让其他人来给我们的孩子接生 |
| [20:30] | Thanks, Tandy. | 谢谢 坦迪 |
| [20:35] | You know, I can’t do this all alone. | 要知道 我一个人做不到 |
| [20:37] | I’m gonna need a good copilot in there. | 我需要一个优秀的副驾 |
| [20:41] | Gail, I would be honored to be your copilot… | 盖尔 我很荣幸成为你的副驾… |
| [20:44] | I’ve asked Todd. | 我问了陶德 |
| [20:46] | Good call, yeah. | 做得好 |
| [20:46] | I was gonna, uh, suggest that. | 我本来也要建议你找他 |
| [20:52] | But Todd is gonna need a flight attendant. | 但陶德会需要乘务员 |
| [20:57] | And that would b-b… | 那会是…是… |
| [21:00] | That would be me? | 是我吗 |
| [21:02] | That would be you. | 是你 |
| [21:05] | I’ll think about it. | 我会考虑 |
| [21:08] | Yeah! O-Okay, I’ll do it. | 好 我愿意 |
| [21:09] | I would love to, actually. | 我很愿意 |
| [21:11] | That’s great, thank you. | 好极了 谢谢你 |
| [21:12] | Guys, we have a situation. | 两位 出事了 |
| [21:15] | What is it? | 什么 |
| [21:16] | My water broke. | 我的羊水破了 |
| [21:19] | Oh, farts. | 糟了 |