| 时间 | 英文 | 中文 |
|---|---|---|
| [00:19] | Hey, guys, | 大家伙 |
| [00:20] | this is my little brother, Mike. | 这是我弟弟 迈克 |
| [00:22] | I’m surprised that people aren’t calling you by your nickname. | 其实我挺惊讶的 大家竟然没叫你的昵称 |
| [00:24] | Skidmark. | 飞机残液 |
| [00:27] | Our grandmother was dying | 我们的祖母快不行了 |
| [00:28] | and this guy went on a kayaking trip. | 这家伙却去独木舟旅行了 |
| [00:30] | Good burn. | 你赢得漂亮 |
| [00:31] | Looks like we’re even now. | 现在我们扯平了 |
| [00:32] | No, we’re pretty far from even, bud. | 没有 还差得远呢 哥们 |
| [00:34] | Oh, my God. | 我的天哪 |
| [00:35] | You know anything about, uh, this? | 你知道这是怎么回事吗 |
| [00:37] | Burn. | 输了吧 |
| [00:41] | Tandy, are you all right? | 坦迪 你没事吧 |
| [00:42] | ‘Cause I found all this hair by the bed. | 因为我早上在床上看到了你这些毛发 |
| [00:45] | I’m great. | 我好得很 |
| [00:46] | Oh, my. | 天哪 |
| [00:50] | Did you give yourself a little haircut there? | 你是给自己理了个发吗 |
| [00:53] | No, this is actually, uh, Mike’s work, I believe. | 不 我相信这是迈克干的 |
| [00:56] | Uh, am I right there, Mike? | 我说得对吗 迈克 |
| [00:57] | Oh, yeah, no, it sure is. | 没错 当然是我 |
| [00:59] | Well, Mike, I think you missed a spot. | 迈克 我想你还忘了一个地方 |
| [01:04] | Oh, no, no, no, Carol, I hit all the spots | 不不不 卡萝尔 |
| [01:06] | I was hoping to hit. | 我刮了所有我想刮的地方 |
| [01:07] | See, you got business on the right, there, | 你看 你右边是商务脸 |
| [01:09] | and party on the left. | 左边是派对脸 |
| [01:10] | Bet you think this is a huge burn, huh? | 我猜你肯定觉得自己赢得漂亮 对吧 |
| [01:12] | I think it’s a considerable burn, yes. | 我觉我简直要上天了 没错 |
| [01:13] | Guess what? The burn’s on you. | 你猜怎么的 赢的人不是你 |
| [01:16] | Yeah, ’cause I friggin’ love it. | 没错 因为我爱死这个造型了 |
| [01:18] | Yeah, I was going to actually do this to myself at some point, | 我本来也打算这做的 |
| [01:21] | so you just saved me a bunch of time. | 所以你给我省了好多时间 |
| [01:23] | So thank you. | 谢谢你 |
| [01:24] | Oh, well, you’re welcome, Phil. | 不用谢 菲尔 |
| [01:26] | Tandy, were you really gonna do this to yourself? | 坦迪 你真的有这个打算吗 |
| [01:28] | Because it’s wildly uneven. | 因为这个真的半人半鬼 |
| [01:31] | Yeah, it looks like you got nuked right in the face. | 是啊 看起来就像是被核弹打了脸一样 |
| [01:34] | You look like two different serial killers. | 你看起来就像个精分连环杀手 |
| [01:37] | Yeah, you look like you’re from the future, | 你看起来像是从未来来的 |
| [01:39] | and you’re here to warn us about technology. | 然后来警告我们科技的危害 |
| [01:41] | Give him a break, guys. | 别说他了 |
| [01:41] | You know, I-I-I kind of like it. | 我其实有那么点喜欢这个造型的 |
| [01:43] | Thank you Todd. | 谢谢你 陶德 |
| [01:44] | And thank you, Mike. | 也谢谢你 迈克 |
| [01:45] | I mean, a-a-again, absolutely love it. | 再说一次 我真的喜欢得不得了 |
| [01:47] | Major time saver. | 给我省了一大堆事 |
| [01:48] | Well, I hope you were planning on matching your carpet | 希望你原本也打算给你下面的毛毛 |
| [01:50] | to your drapes, ’cause I went ahead | 准备对应的小内内 |
| [01:51] | and saved you some time there as well. | 因为这事我也给你省了一大堆时间 |
| [01:56] | Yeah, you did, and yeah, I was. | 没错 谢谢你 我确实有这个打算 |
| [01:58] | Another round of thanks. | 再谢谢你一次 |
| [02:00] | Another round of you’re welcomes. | 再说一次不用谢 |
| [02:12] | Friggin’ Mike. | 该死的迈克 |
| [02:24] | You know, now that I’m used to it, | 我现在都习惯了 |
| [02:26] | it doesn’t look half bad. Boom. | 看起来也没那么糟 好笑吧 |
| [02:29] | It’s so fun to get to say booms now. | 现在说好笑吧感觉真有趣 |
| [02:31] | Hardy har har, Carol. | 哈哈 卡萝尔 |
| [02:33] | If you don’t like it, you can just shave it off. | 你要是不喜欢 可以剃掉啊 |
| [02:36] | Oh, and give Mike the satisfaction? | 然后好让迈克得意吗 |
| [02:38] | No way. I’m gonna give him something else. | 不可能 我要好好回报他 |
| [02:41] | A taste his own medicine. | 我要让他自食恶果 |
| [02:43] | – No, you two are even now. – What? | -不行 你们俩现在扯平了 -什么 |
| [02:46] | You made him feel awful for missing your grandma’s death. | 你因为他没赶上祖母的葬礼让他内疚 |
| [02:49] | This is just a classic tit-for-tat situation. | 你们俩这是典型的冤冤相报 |
| [02:52] | Your head was the tat and your grandma was the tit. | 你的头是一冤 你的祖母是另一冤 |
| [02:55] | God, Carol, you’re just like my parents. | 天哪 卡萝尔 你这语气和我父母一模一样 |
| [02:57] | No matter what Mike did, they always took his side. | 不管迈克做了什么 总是站在他那边 |
| [02:59] | I’m on our side. | 我是站在我们这边的 |
| [03:01] | Maybe you’d realize that if you | 也许你不要再专注于过往的怨恨 |
| [03:02] | just stopped focusing on your tits. | 就会意识到这一点了 |
| [03:05] | Carol, you got to start listening to yourself when you talk. | 卡萝尔 你真的得听听你说话的语气 |
| [03:11] | Hey. | 你好呀 |
| [03:12] | Hey, Sweet Cheeks. | 你来啦 圆圆脸 |
| [03:16] | I-I just stopped by to say hi real quick. | 我就是路过想跟你打个招呼 |
| [03:18] | Oh, you’re not gonna stay? | 你不留下来了吗 |
| [03:20] | I got a bunch of stuff to do. | 我还有很多事情要做 |
| [03:21] | I-I got to, you know, clean out my desk, | 我得去擦桌子 |
| [03:24] | uh, iron my socks. | 熨袜子 |
| [03:26] | Todd, are you going to see Melissa? | 陶德 你是要去见梅丽莎吗 |
| [03:29] | Yeah. | 是的 |
| [03:30] | Okay, why didn’t you just say that? | 那你为什么不直说呢 |
| [03:32] | I should’ve. | 我本该如此的 |
| [03:33] | It’s just… I’ve-I’ve never had two girlfriends before. | 我只是 我从来没同时拥有过两个女朋友 |
| [03:37] | We’re all adults here, | 我们是成年人了 |
| [03:38] | and I think that we should just make a promise | 我觉得我们应该保证 |
| [03:40] | that we’re always gonna be honest with each other. | 我们要一直坦诚相对 |
| [03:42] | – That sounds good to me, okay. – Good. | -我觉得很好 -那就好 |
| [03:45] | So when do you think you’ll be done with Melissa? | 那你和梅丽莎什么时候完事 |
| [03:46] | Uh, ballparking it? | 你说大概时间吗 |
| [03:48] | Um, I get there around 6:00. | 我六点到 |
| [03:49] | We usually start a movie, | 我们通常先看一部电影 |
| [03:51] | then, uh, hop underneath the covers. | 然后做点小动作 |
| [03:53] | Uh, things, uh, uh, get a little-little handsy. | 然后就你摸摸我 我摸摸你 |
| [03:55] | M-maybe some kissing, uh, | 然后可能亲亲吧 |
| [03:57] | and then she-she on top of me for some light grinding, | 然后她上我下 轻抹慢捻 |
| [04:01] | uh, maybe five minutes. | 大概需要五分钟 |
| [04:02] | Then, we, uh, start taking our clothes off– | 然后我们开始脱衣服 |
| [04:05] | you know that’s quick– two minutes. | 这个过程很快的 两分钟 |
| [04:07] | Uh, then, we, uh, have sex. | 然后 我们就啪啪啪 |
| [04:08] | You know, usually missionary in nature… | 通常是传教士体位… |
| [04:11] | – Okay, I think I’ve got the picture. – Okay. | -行了 我能想象得到这个画面 -好 |
| [04:13] | – We-we got this, right? – We got this. | -我们可以的吧 -可以的 |
| [04:15] | – Okay, bye. – Okay, bye. | -那再见了 -再见 |
| [04:18] | Hey, Mike, hope you’re not allergic to poison oak, | 迈克 希望你不对毒藤过敏 |
| [04:21] | ’cause you’re about to be sleeping in it. | 因为你会睡在这个里面哦 |
| [04:30] | Burn. | 干得漂亮 |
| [04:40] | 给菲尔 圣诞前不要打开哦 爱你的 迈克 | |
| [04:46] | Nice try, you friggin’ piece of crap. | 休想骗到我 你这个垃圾 |
| [04:49] | But you got to get up a little earlier in the morning | 但你最好早上早点起来 |
| [04:51] | to put one over on ole Tandycakes. | 好给我使跘子 |
| [05:15] | What the hell is this? | 这什么鬼 |
| [05:18] | Who cares about money now? | 现在谁还在乎钱啊 |
| [05:19] | What a dummy. | 真是个蠢货 |
| [05:26] | He friggin’ Smurfed me. | 他把我喷成了蓝精灵 |
| [05:33] | It’s not coming off. | 这玩意儿擦不掉 |
| [05:36] | It’s not coming off. | 这玩意儿擦不掉 |
| [05:38] | What do I do? What do I do? | 怎么办 怎么办 |
| [05:43] | Bingo. | 有了 |
| [05:46] | So there I am, | 然后我就到了 |
| [05:46] | standing between Denzel Washington’s legs, | 我就站在丹泽尔·华盛顿的双腿间 |
| [05:49] | and I’m saying, “Push, Denzel, push.” | 然后说道 用力啊 丹泽尔 用力 |
| [05:52] | And Denzel pops out | 然后丹泽尔生出了 |
| [05:54] | the most beautiful little Siamese twins. | 最美丽的连体婴儿 |
| [05:57] | They are perfect. | 他们简直是完美 |
| [05:59] | And then he says, “Sally?” | 然后他说 莎莉 |
| [06:00] | ’cause he’s calling me Sally for some reason– | 出于某些原因 他叫我莎莉 |
| [06:02] | he says, “Sally, | 他说 莎莉 |
| [06:04] | “You keep my attached babies. | 你帮我照看我的连体孩子 |
| [06:06] | I got my movie career.” | 我得去追求我的影视事业 |
| [06:10] | And I have had that dream 50 times, | 这个梦我做了50多次 |
| [06:13] | and I do not know what it means. | 我不知道这是什么意思 |
| [06:15] | Oh, that, that wasn’t a dream, | 那 那不是个梦 |
| [06:17] | Sally… Sally… Sally… | 莎莉 莎莉 莎莉 |
| [06:18] | Oh, that’s not funny. I thought it… | 不好笑啦 我觉得 |
| [06:20] | Good morning. | 早上好 |
| [06:21] | I didn’t mean to scare you. | 我没想吓你 |
| [06:29] | Tandy, are you wearing makeup? | 坦迪 你这是化了妆吗 |
| [06:33] | Oh, yeah, | 没错 |
| [06:34] | and I’m also wearing a dress and heels, Gail. | 我还穿了裙子和高跟鞋呢 盖尔 |
| [06:36] | “Am I wearing makeup?” | 我是化了妆吗 |
| [06:38] | But seriously, though, everyone sleep well? | 不说这个了 大家睡得还好吗 |
| [06:40] | Huh? Mike? | 迈克 |
| [06:42] | Yeah, slept like a rock. | 一夜好眠 |
| [06:43] | Really? | 真的吗 |
| [06:45] | I actually tried out this new, | 我去试了试 |
| [06:47] | uh, house down the road here. | 街尽头的那栋房子 |
| [06:48] | Oh, you did, now? | 是吗 |
| [06:49] | You did, now, huh. | 是哦 |
| [06:52] | So, uh, bring that, uh, sleeping bag with you? | 那你有带上那个睡袋吗 |
| [06:54] | No. No, didn’t need it. | 没有 我又不需要 |
| [06:56] | No, I slept in a bed like a big boy. | 我像个大人一样睡在床上 |
| [06:58] | Truth be told, | 说实话 |
| [06:59] | it was sad being so far away from you. | 离你这么远挺伤心的 |
| [07:02] | Yeah, it made me real blue. | 搞得我很伤感[蓝色] |
| [07:04] | I’m sure it did. It did. | 我觉得也是 肯定是 |
| [07:07] | So where is this new place? | 那你的新家在哪儿 |
| [07:10] | Local. | 不太远 |
| [07:12] | I’m gonna need an exact address, bro. | 你得告诉我具体地址啊 老弟 |
| [07:15] | I mean, how am I gonna get you your Christmas cards? | 不然呢我怎么给你送圣诞贺卡呢 |
| [07:17] | Well, I’ll have to show it to you sometime. | 总有一天我会带你去的 |
| [07:19] | I’m dying to have you over. | 我迫切想请你去 |
| [07:23] | I’d like that. | 不胜荣幸 |
| [07:24] | Really, it’s like there’s makeup on top of blue ink. | 说真的 我感觉那个粉底是涂在蓝墨水上的 |
| [07:28] | It’s called a suntan, guys, I mean… | 这叫古铜色 大伙 |
| [07:31] | You never seen a suntan before? | 你们都没见过古铜色吗 |
| [07:34] | So, uh, Gail and I had sex twice, | 在我来之前 |
| [07:36] | right before I came over. | 我和盖尔啪了两次 |
| [07:38] | She had me trying out some new maneuves, | 她让我试了一些新姿势 |
| [07:40] | and we did that thing where, uh, | 然后我们试了那个姿势 |
| [07:41] | you hold the woman upside down around the waist, uh… | 就是你把着女人的腰 把她倒提着 |
| [07:44] | God, I know there’s a name for it… uh, it was… | 我知道这个的术语叫什么的 叫… |
| [07:46] | Todd, I don’t… I don’t want to talk about that. | 陶德 我不想谈这个 |
| [07:47] | Well, I-I just want to be completely honest | 我只是想对你完全坦诚 |
| [07:50] | with you, hon, because, uh, Gail said that | 亲爱的 因为盖尔跟我说 |
| [07:51] | that’s the only way that this is gonna work. | 只有这样我们的关系才能维系下去 |
| [07:53] | Look, Todd, I already only have you 50% of the time, | 陶德 我本来就只能占据你一半的时间了 |
| [07:56] | I don’t want to spend that time talking about Gail. | 我不想花这些时间来谈论盖尔 |
| [07:58] | No, yeah, no, absolutely, you know, | 你说得对 你说得对 |
| [08:00] | and you deserve 100% of that 50%. | 这一半的时间都应该花在你身上 |
| [08:04] | Y… although, remember, I do have to shave off | 虽然 我确实需要腾出一点点时间 |
| [08:07] | a little slice for Erica’s baby. | 来陪艾瑞卡的孩子 |
| [08:10] | Y… d… say 20%. | 就五分之一的时间吧 |
| [08:12] | Uh, are you sure you’re not taking on | 你确定你现在没有 |
| [08:14] | more than you can handle? | 超出负荷吗 |
| [08:15] | Uh, you-you can’t be all things to all people. | 你不可能是所有人的贴心大哥哥的 |
| [08:19] | Look, you are my priority. | 在我心中你最重要 |
| [08:20] | You’re my number one. | 你在我心中是第一位 |
| [08:22] | M-m-my co-number one. | 共同第一 |
| [08:24] | And-and-and you deserve, you know, | 你值得… |
| [08:27] | uh, exactly, uh, | 确切的说 |
| [08:30] | uh, b-between… | 大概 |
| [08:33] | 40 and-and 50% of me. | 百分之四十到五十的我 |
| [08:36] | So romantic. | 你真浪漫 |
| [09:00] | Gotcha. | 抓住你了 |
| [09:03] | Ah, it’s go time. | 行动 |
| [09:06] | This oak is poison. | 这藤蔓可有毒了 |
| [09:22] | Howdy, Phil. | 你好啊 菲尔 |
| [09:23] | Mike, what a pleasant surprise,geez, | 迈克 看到你真是惊喜啊 老天 |
| [09:27] | to say the least, yeah. | 真的 毫不夸张 |
| [09:28] | So, uh, uh, this your new place? | 这是你的新家 |
| [09:30] | Yeah, not bad, huh? | 是啊 不错吧 |
| [09:32] | What’s the, uh, deal | 这些水瓶什么的 |
| [09:33] | with all the-the water bottles and such? | 是怎么回事 |
| [09:36] | Oh, yeah, this is just a little | 这不过是我装置的一些 |
| [09:37] | home security system I rigged up. | 房屋安全系统而已 |
| [09:39] | Why would you need something like that? | 你用那个干什么 |
| [09:41] | No reason. | 没什么 |
| [09:45] | See you got your little suit on, huh? | 看来你变装了啊 |
| [09:48] | Laundry day. | 今天衣服都洗了 |
| [09:51] | Can I help you? | 有什么事吗 |
| [09:52] | No, I’m just, you know, I’m just out here, | 没事 我就来看看 |
| [09:54] | doing my neighborhood watch program. | 照顾一下邻居 |
| [09:56] | Yeah, I’m actually a block captain. | 其实我是社区领导 |
| [09:58] | – Oh, yeah? – Yeah. | -是吗 -是的 |
| [09:59] | Uh, just, uh, sweeping the perimeter | 就查看一下周边 |
| [10:00] | to make sure everything’s secure. | 确保一切安全 |
| [10:04] | Clear! | 安全 |
| [10:06] | See, it’s funny, ’cause it kinda looks like | 说来有意思 你好像 |
| [10:08] | you were gonna put poison oak in my bed. | 想把毒藤放到我床上 |
| [10:15] | That’s loco, man. | 胡说什么 老弟 |
| [10:16] | You’re friggin’ paranoid. | 你是不是有被害妄想症 |
| [10:18] | A friggin’ block captain, uh, | 我堂堂社区领导 |
| [10:20] | putting poison oak in your bed? | 会往你床上放毒藤吗 |
| [10:22] | Uh, that’s the kind of stuff I’m trying to stop, dude. | 我的目的是想阻止这种事发生的 老弟 |
| [10:24] | Yeah. | 好啊 |
| [10:25] | Wh-What’s in the bag, then? | 那你袋子里是什么 |
| [10:27] | You know, uh, | 这个啊 |
| [10:28] | just, uh, nothing, you know. | 没什么 |
| [10:31] | See, I think that it’s poison oak. | 我觉得那就是毒藤 |
| [10:33] | Well, then you’re a friggin’ idiot, | 你是白痴吗 |
| [10:36] | ’cause this was gonna be a housewarming gift for you. | 这明明是祝贺你乔迁新居的礼物 |
| [10:38] | Hmm. | 是吗 |
| [10:41] | I guess I’m a little confused. | 我有点困惑 |
| [10:43] | Why would my older brother get me | 我哥哥为什么会 |
| [10:44] | poison oak as a housewarming gift? | 送给我毒藤当乔迁礼物 |
| [10:46] | It’s not poison oak, Mike! | 这不是毒藤 迈克 |
| [10:48] | Why don’t you look me in the eyes and say that. | 你看着我的眼睛然后再说 |
| [10:53] | It’s not poison oak… | 这不是毒藤… |
| [10:57] | Mike. | 迈克 |
| [10:59] | Then why don’t you go ahead and rub it on your balls for me? | 那你为什么不往自己的蛋蛋上搓一搓来证明 |
| [11:03] | Fine. | 搓就搓 |
| [11:09] | You happy now? | 你现在开心了吧 |
| [11:10] | Outside the bag. | 拿出来 |
| [11:12] | Under the suit. | 放进去 |
| [11:14] | Directly on your balls. | 直接搓到你蛋蛋上 |
| [11:39] | I know it’s poison oak, Skidmark. | 我就知道是毒藤 飞机残夜 |
| [11:43] | I know it up here, | 我很清楚 |
| [11:44] | and you know it. | 你知道的 |
| [11:47] | And I’m gonna get you back. | 我一定会报仇的 |
| [12:27] | How dare you! | 岂有此理 |
| [12:29] | Oh, relax, it’s only the fourth one. | 放松 这才第四次呢 |
| [12:32] | See? | 看到了吗 |
| [12:36] | I can’t believe you just threw sand at me. | 你竟然朝我扔沙子 |
| [12:38] | I’m gonna have to get you back for that one. | 这个我也要报仇的呦 |
| [12:40] | Oh, you… | 你… |
| [12:42] | Oh, I forgot, I have something for you. | 差点忘了 我有东西给你 |
| [12:48] | You have some nerve! | 你简直是活腻了 |
| [12:50] | The fourth one. | 第四次 |
| [12:51] | Here, eat sand. | 给你吃沙子 |
| [12:52] | No, the fourth one. | 才第四次 |
| [12:53] | Mike! I didn’t even hit you with the sand, man! | 迈克 我扔的沙子根本没打到你 |
| [12:56] | Mike, you can’t get me back for something I didn’t do! | 迈克 你不能因为我没做的事找我报仇 |
| [13:00] | Come on, man! | 回来 |
| [13:01] | I didn’t do anything! | 我什么都没做 |
| [13:04] | Mike! | 迈克 |
| [13:08] | Mike, you in here? | 迈克 在吗 |
| [13:15] | Hey, Tandy. | 坦迪 |
| [13:17] | I’m worried about you, you’re not looking good. | 我很担心你 你好像有点惨 |
| [13:19] | He’s too flippin’ good, man. | 他太厉害了 伙计 |
| [13:21] | Friggin’ guy is everywhere. | 那家伙无处不在 |
| [13:24] | I need your help, T. I need your spirit. | 我需要你的帮助 陶陶 我需要你的精神 |
| [13:27] | I can’t. I’ve crunched the numbers. | 不行 我计算过了 |
| [13:29] | It’s a mathematical impossibility. | 从数学上来说根本不可能 |
| [13:31] | But I need you, bud. | 但是我需要你 哥们 |
| [13:32] | I need you so hard. | 我真的很需要你 |
| [13:34] | And I want to be there for you so hard, | 我也很想帮你啊 |
| [13:36] | but I’m hanging on by a thread, here. | 但我也是泥菩萨过河了 |
| [13:38] | I’ve got two girlfriends; something’s got to give. | 我有两个女朋友 总得付出点什么 |
| [13:41] | You make me sick. | 你太恶心了 |
| [13:42] | No. | 不要 |
| [13:43] | I don’t need your help. | 我不需要你的帮助 |
| [13:45] | I can do this on my own. | 我自己一个人可以 |
| [13:48] | Get out of here. | 滚 |
| [13:55] | Enough is enough. | 真是够了 |
| [14:01] | Listen, I’m here for you, buddy. | 我来帮你 伙计 |
| [14:03] | What can I do to help? | 需要我做什么 |
| [14:09] | Mike. | 迈克 |
| [14:12] | Have you met my friend, Todd? | 你见过我朋友陶德了吗 |
| [14:19] | Mike. | 迈克 |
| [14:21] | This is my house. | 这是我家 |
| [14:22] | This is my friend. | 这是我朋友 |
| [14:24] | This here Malibu | 马里布这里 |
| [14:26] | is Tandy country. | 是坦迪的国度 |
| [14:28] | You been put on blast. | 这下你完蛋了 |
| [14:30] | Okay, this was just supposed to be you and me goofing around. | 行了 本来应该是你我二人闹着玩的 |
| [14:33] | All right, now you’re bringing other people into it? | 现在你把别人也牵扯进来 |
| [14:34] | I’m so sorry, Todd. | 很抱歉 陶德 |
| [14:36] | You win. I’m out. | 你赢了 我退出 |
| [14:42] | Congratulations, Tandy, it’s over. | 恭喜 坦迪 结束了 |
| [14:44] | You are so naive, Todd. | 你太天真了 陶德 |
| [14:46] | It’s not over. | 没有结束 |
| [14:48] | He just wants me to think it is so I’ll let my guard down. | 他只是想让我以为结束了 好让我放松警惕 |
| [14:52] | This is only the beginning. | 这只是开始 |
| [14:59] | Carol, stop popping my alarm system. | 卡萝尔 不要踩爆我的警报系统了 |
| [15:01] | Okay, okay, this has got to stop. | 好吧 好吧 这事儿必须停了 |
| [15:04] | This is like McDreamy versus McSteamy redux. | 你们就像俩小孩子一样胡闹 |
| [15:07] | I’ll stop when he stops, and he will never stop, Carol. | 他停我就停 但他永远不会停的 卡萝尔 |
| [15:11] | Hey, I want you to see something. | 我想让你看样东西 |
| [15:24] | Look at these two little boys. | 看这两个小家伙 |
| [15:27] | They love each other so much. | 他们非常爱彼此 |
| [15:29] | I mean, yeah, we had some good times. | 没错 我们也一起开心过 |
| [15:31] | Hey, trust me, you show him this stuff, | 相信我 你把这个给他看 |
| [15:33] | it will turn on his heart light. | 他肯定会良心再发现 |
| [15:35] | Family’s everyone’s weak spot. | 家人是所有人的弱点 |
| [15:40] | You’re right, it is. | 你说得对 确实是 |
| [15:48] | What’s wrong? | 怎么了 |
| [15:50] | I was reading this letter that Mom and Dad wrote you | 我在看你在太空的时候 |
| [15:53] | while you were in space. | 爸妈写给你的信 |
| [15:55] | It’s really moving. | 真的好感人 |
| [15:57] | What? Let me see it. | 什么 给我看看 |
| [15:58] | I’d love to show it to you, bud, | 我也想给你看 老弟 |
| [15:59] | but I’m gonna burn it. | 但我要烧掉它 |
| [16:01] | No, hey! Don’t you dare! | 不要 你敢烧试试 |
| [16:03] | The pranks stop now. | 恶作剧现在停止 |
| [16:05] | I-I already told you I was stopping. | 我已经告诉你了 停止了 |
| [16:07] | Half of me really wants to give it to you, | 一半的我真的很想给你看 |
| [16:09] | but the other half needs it for insurance. | 但另一半需要它来以防万一 |
| [16:14] | All right, I’m gonna go put this in my hiding place, | 好 我把信放到我藏东西的地方 |
| [16:16] | and don’t bother looking for it, | 你不用去找 |
| [16:18] | ’cause you’ll never find it. | 找也不会找到 |
| [16:24] | Bingo. | 找到了 |
| [16:29] | Now, let’s take a wild guess here. | 大胆猜一下 |
| [16:34] | Typical Skidmark. | 飞机残夜的典型做法 |
| [16:43] | Our dearest Michael, | 我们最亲爱的迈克尔 |
| [16:45] | I miss you so much. | 我真的好想你 |
| [16:47] | I wish I could say everything | 我真希望你走后 |
| [16:48] | has been great down here since you left. | 地球这里一切安好 |
| [16:50] | Unfortunately, that’s not the case. | 但很不幸 不是这样的 |
| [16:53] | We buried your father yesterday, | 我们昨天埋葬了你父亲 |
| [16:56] | and I know it’s only a matter of time for me. | 我知道我也是迟早的事了 |
| [16:58] | Just know how proud your father and I were to call you our son. | 你要知道我跟你父亲为有你这个儿子多么自豪 |
| [17:02] | I know we’ll be together in the next life. | 来生我们一定会再相聚 |
| [17:05] | With all of the love in my heart… | 我最爱的… |
| [17:07] | Skidmark. That’s right, | 飞机残液 没错 |
| [17:09] | I wrote this entire letter this morning. Burn! | 这封信是我早上写的 输了吧 |
| [17:11] | Facial! Suck it! | 漂亮 活该 |
| [17:12] | Oh, and P.S., this letter is covered in poison oak. | 对了 这封信上涂满了毒藤 |
| [17:16] | You get Mom’s letter? | 你拿到妈妈的信了 |
| [17:44] | Like, I’m just not gonna sleep anymore. | 我不会再睡觉了 |
| [17:46] | – That’s not a solution. – It’ll be fine. | -这不是办法 -不会有事的 |
| [17:51] | Good evening. | 晚上好 |
| [17:52] | What in the name of G-O-D. | 我的苍天啊 |
| [17:54] | Looks like Hitler’s mustache is sliding off your face. | 好像希特勒的小胡子要从你脸上滑过 |
| [17:57] | Yeah, you look like a melon with a mold problem. | 你就好像发霉的瓜 |
| [17:59] | It looks like the floor of a barbershop | 好像理发店的地板 |
| [18:01] | took a dump on half your face. | 在你半边脸上大便了 |
| [18:03] | Well, take a good long look at it, | 你们再好好看看 |
| [18:06] | ’cause this is who I am. | 这就是真实的我 |
| [18:08] | My best friend’s having a meltdown? | 我最好的朋友有难了 |
| [18:09] | No problem. | 没问题 |
| [18:10] | I shave half my hair, mustache, | 我为他剃掉了一半的头发 |
| [18:12] | and mons pubis for him. | 胡子 还有阴阜 |
| [18:14] | Erica, you need me to be your baby daddy? | 艾瑞卡 你想让我做你孩子的爸爸吗 |
| [18:17] | Done. | 没问题 |
| [18:18] | Carol, you keep having crazy baby dreams, | 卡萝尔 你一直特别想要孩子 |
| [18:21] | obviously still upset about Tandy’s sterility. | 显然对坦迪不育很沮丧 |
| [18:24] | Well, I’m here for you. | 我可以帮你 |
| [18:25] | Just tell me what you need. | 尽管告诉我你的需求 |
| [18:26] | ‘Cause I can give 100% to every person | 因为我可以给地球上每个人 |
| [18:30] | on the face of the earth, | 100%的自己 |
| [18:31] | and still have 100% to give to you, Gail, | 然后还有100%给你 盖尔 |
| [18:34] | and you, Melissa. | 还有你 梅丽莎 |
| [18:35] | Now-now I know that adds up to be about 600%, | 我知道加起来都有600%了 |
| [18:38] | but what can I say? | 但我又能怎么办 |
| [18:40] | I’ve never been good at math. | 我数学一直不好 |
| [18:42] | Just about the only thing I am good at… | 我擅长的唯一一件事 |
| [18:46] | is Todd. | 就是做自己 |
| [18:48] | Anybody has any issues with that, | 如果谁对此有问题 |
| [18:49] | there’s the friggin’ door. | 门就在那边 |
| [18:52] | I mean, I’ll get it for you. | 我会帮你打开 |
| [18:55] | Well, thank you for listening. | 谢谢大家听我说完 |
| [19:01] | That was hot. | 他好性感 |
| [19:13] | God, they loved you. | 天啊 他们爱你 |
| [19:17] | Yeah. | 对 |
| [19:18] | And all that stuff that I wrote in that letter– | 我在那封信里写的所有话 |
| [19:21] | I got it from letters they actually wrote to you. | 都是从他们写给你的信里抄的 |
| [19:25] | Good to know. | 这样啊 |
| [19:27] | You don’t believe me? | 你不信吗 |
| [19:31] | Here. | 给你 |
| [19:38] | I mean, you were all | 爸爸和妈妈 |
| [19:39] | that Mom and Dad talked about. | 说的一直都是你 |
| [19:42] | Even before you went into space. | 即使在你去太空之前 |
| [19:44] | I mean, they were so proud of you. | 他们特别为你骄傲 |
| [19:48] | And, you know, | 你知道 |
| [19:50] | I was always jealous of that. | 我一直嫉妒你 |
| [19:52] | You know they were proud of you, too. | 他们也为你骄傲 |
| [19:54] | Yeah, but it was different. | 但这不一样 |
| [19:56] | I was a temp. | 我就是个临时工 |
| [19:57] | So what? They didn’t care about that. | 那又如何 他们又不在乎这个 |
| [20:00] | I cared about it. | 我在乎 |
| [20:08] | I’m sorry. | 抱歉 |
| [20:30] | I miss them. | 我好想他们 |
| [20:35] | I do, too. | 我也是 |
| [20:49] | I swear to God I didn’t know we were gonna make up just now. | 我发誓 刚才我不知道我们会和解 |
| [21:02] | Great speech. | 刚才说得真好 |
| [21:04] | Thank you, Carol. | 谢谢 卡萝尔 |
| [21:05] | Yeah, you know, it got me thinking, | 你刚才的话让我想到 |
| [21:08] | maybe there is something you can do for me. | 可能你还真能帮帮我 |
| [21:10] | Anything, Carol. | 任何事 卡萝尔 |
| [21:12] | I want you to put Tandy’s baby inside of me. | 我想让你帮我怀上坦迪的孩子 |
| [21:18] | You got it. | 没问题 |