| 时间 | 英文 | 中文 |
|---|---|---|
| [00:19] | – Do you want to have a baby with Todd? – I’m sorry? | -你想和陶德生个孩子吗 -你说什么 |
| [00:21] | You said no, right? | 你拒绝了吧 |
| [00:23] | I want to have a baby with you. | 我想跟你生孩子 |
| [00:25] | I’m gonna be a dad. | 我要当爸爸了 |
| [00:39] | So how are we… gonna do this? | 那我们…要怎么做 |
| [00:42] | First of all, the most important thing here is your comfort. | 首先 你的舒适是最重要的 |
| [00:46] | Okay, so… | 好吧 那… |
| [00:48] | Can I get you some water? Another pillow? Sock slippers? | 我给你拿杯水吧 再来个枕头 袜拖 |
| [00:50] | I’m fine. | 不用 |
| [00:51] | What about the room temperature? | 室温怎么样 |
| [00:52] | Is that fine for you? | 你觉得可以吗 |
| [00:53] | Because I can make a fire, get you some sock slippers… | 我可以生堆火 给你拿点袜拖 |
| [00:55] | Guys, I’m fine. | 伙计们 不用 |
| [00:56] | Back off, Melissa. She’s fine. | 一边去 梅丽莎 不用了 |
| [00:58] | Sorry, Todd. | 抱歉 陶德 |
| [01:03] | Just so we’re clear… | 先说清楚 |
| [01:04] | uh, we’re not talking about actually having sex. | 我们不用真正发生性关系 |
| [01:07] | No. No, no, no, no. No, no. Absolutely no. | 不用 不用不用 当然不用 |
| [01:10] | You know, the… we’re gonna approach this like a… | 我们会将这个过程比喻成 |
| [01:12] | like a business transaction. | 商业交流 |
| [01:14] | Sure. Whatever. | 好吧 随便 |
| [01:15] | Okay, great. So-so, my, um… | 太好了 那么我的… |
| [01:18] | c-company… | 公司 |
| [01:20] | is-is gonna, uh… uh, manually, | 将要…手动 |
| [01:24] | uh, produce | 尽可能 |
| [01:26] | as-as much, um… | 多的 |
| [01:29] | uh… product | 生产 |
| [01:31] | as-as it can possibly generate. | 一些产品 |
| [01:34] | You know, w-without me passing out. | 这样就不用我来传递 |
| [01:36] | A-and then my company is going to, | 然后我的公司会 |
| [01:40] | mm, deliver, uh, my product | 将我的产品 |
| [01:44] | to your company’s… | 送到你公司的 |
| [01:48] | loading zone. | 装卸区 |
| [01:49] | And then your company is-is going to | 然后你的公司要 |
| [01:52] | just basically, uh, uh… | 只要 |
| [01:54] | baste the whole store with, uh… product. | 倒进去所有…产品 |
| [01:58] | Yeah, could you stop calling it “Product”? | 你能不能别再说”产品”了 |
| [02:01] | Absolutely. | 没问题 |
| [02:03] | What… what’s-what’s a better word for “Product,” guys? | 有什么词比”产品”更好一些 伙计们 |
| [02:05] | Uh, “Yield.” | 生产 |
| [02:07] | – “Overhead”? – “Deliverable.” | -费用 -交付信息 |
| [02:09] | – “Output.” – “Export”? | -输出 -出口 |
| [02:10] | – “Download”? – “Income.” | -下载 -收入 |
| [02:11] | – “Splutter”? – “Confetti”? | -发动 -纸屑 |
| [02:13] | “Bonuses”? | 分红 |
| [02:20] | Top o’ the morning to ya, bud! | 早上好啊 伙计 |
| [02:22] | Nice, uh, leprechaun skirt. | 这条小裙子真漂亮 |
| [02:24] | Healthy airflow for the old, uh, bag and pipe, huh? | 要给你的小棍子小袋子透透气吗 |
| [02:27] | It’s nothing compared to what Erica’s got to do. | 和艾瑞卡要做的事比起来根本不值一提 |
| [02:29] | You know, vitamins, diet, exercise, all that stuff. | 维他命 饮食控制和锻炼什么的 |
| [02:32] | So, word on the street is that you’re ovulating right now. | 听说你最近排卵期到了 |
| [02:35] | I mean, that’s not really how it works, bud. | 其实不是这样的 |
| [02:38] | But, yeah, um, Erica’s ovulating. | 不过是艾瑞卡在排卵 |
| [02:41] | Erica is… Oh, okay, okay. | 艾瑞卡在…好吧 好吧 |
| [02:43] | Yeah. Okay. I guess I… I’m missing… | 好吧 我想…是我弄… |
| [02:47] | – Ovu… Ovulating… – Women ovulate. Men don’t. | -排…排卵 -女人排卵 男人不会 |
| [02:49] | All right. And, uh… | 好吧 那… |
| [02:51] | I’m assuming you’ve been refraining from masturbation? | 你已经戒除手淫很久了吧 |
| [02:54] | – Yep. – Good. I mean… | -没错 -很好 我… |
| [02:56] | got to hold on to that self-abuse juice, knowasa? | 得憋着点这些自虐精华 懂意吧 |
| [03:00] | Knowasa? | 懂意吧 |
| [03:01] | – What? – Yaknowasaa? | -什么 -你懂意吧 |
| [03:04] | – I’m sorry, I can’t… – Do you know what I’m saying? | -对不起 我听… -你懂我意思吧 |
| [03:07] | – No, I-I don’t. – No. That’s what I’m saying. | -不 我不懂 -不 我说得就是这个 |
| [03:10] | “Do you know what I’m saying?” | “你懂我意思吧” |
| [03:11] | – Knowasa. – Got it. Got it. No, no. | -懂意吧 -明白了 明白了 不 |
| [03:12] | And I have been holding off. | 我一直憋着 |
| [03:14] | Oh, good, good. Why waste it in practice? | 很好 很好 为什么要浪费在练习上 |
| [03:16] | You got to save it for the game, knowasa? | 得用在刀刃上啊 懂意吧 |
| [03:18] | I do now, bud. Well, I better get to it. | 我懂了 伙计 我得去了 |
| [03:20] | Hey, wait, wait, wait, hang on, bud. | 等等 等等 伙计 |
| [03:22] | ‘Cause Carol and I have a little surprise for you. | 因为我和卡萝尔给你准备了一点小惊喜 |
| [03:27] | Ooh, perfect timing. | 来得正好 |
| [03:29] | I just finished. | 我刚弄完 |
| [03:31] | Well, hopefully that’s what Todd will be saying | 希望陶德几分钟后 |
| [03:32] | in a few short minutes from now. | 也会这么说 |
| [03:34] | Is that a… | 那是… |
| [03:35] | A masturbatorium? Yes, it is. | 手淫室 没错 |
| [03:37] | Worked well for us, so we thought we’d pay it forward. | 我们用得很好 所以我们想传下去 |
| [03:40] | Let me take you through it. | 让我来带你看看 |
| [03:41] | It’s no secret that we could use | 这个世界上永远 |
| [03:43] | a few more gentlemen in our world, | 都需要男性 |
| [03:46] | so I wanted to give you something | 我希望给你一些 |
| [03:48] | to help you visualize a male result: | 能帮助你想象出男性的东西 |
| [03:51] | images of some of the best traits | 一些人类最为 |
| [03:52] | that mankind has to offer. | 杰出的特质 |
| [03:54] | Like the genius of Albert Einstein | 比如艾尔伯特·爱因斯坦 |
| [03:57] | and Benjamin Franklin, | 和本杰明·富兰克林的天才 |
| [03:59] | the panache of Elvis Stojko, | 埃尔维斯·斯托克的派头 |
| [04:02] | the stature of Robert Wadlow, | 罗伯特·瓦德劳的身高 |
| [04:05] | and the robust presence of William Howard Taft, | 威廉·霍华德·塔夫脱 格罗弗·克利夫兰 |
| [04:08] | Grover Cleveland, | 和唐纳德·川普的 |
| [04:09] | and Donald Trump, our three fattest presidents. | 精力充沛 三个最胖的总统 |
| [04:13] | So when you’re masturbating, just picture these men. | 当你在手淫的时候 想象这些男人就行 |
| [04:17] | Okay. Thanks, Carol. | 好吧 谢谢 卡萝尔 |
| [04:19] | Now, in terms of lotion, | 乳液的话 |
| [04:21] | got a lot of options here for you. | 我们给你准备了很多种选择 |
| [04:23] | But I’ve gone ahead and preselected | 但是我专门准备了 |
| [04:25] | my personal favorite. | 我的最爱 |
| [04:27] | A 2012 bottle of Golsten Farm’s Shea Butter. | 2012年版高斯顿农场乳木果油 |
| [04:31] | Provides fluidity of motion | 只要一点点 |
| [04:32] | with just the right amount of purchase. | 就能让你润滑到底 |
| [04:34] | Goes without saying, it is paraben-free, | 不用说 这肯定是不含防腐剂 |
| [04:36] | and she’s got one hell of a nose on her. | 而且香味还特别好闻 |
| [04:38] | Here. Get in there. Come on. | 来 挤一点 来 |
| [04:42] | Now, get in there. | 闻闻 |
| [04:43] | See how she opens up? | 闻到这香味了吗 |
| [04:45] | Here, dance with her. | 来抹开 |
| [04:55] | Yeah. That’s fine. | 行了 不用了 |
| [04:57] | Yeah, well, this is my stop. | 就这样吧 |
| [04:59] | Oh, sure, sure. Here. | 好的 来 |
| [05:06] | O Captain! My Captain! | 船长 我的船长 |
| [05:16] | Okay, Todd, well, I’ll leave you to it. | 好了 陶德 我们就先走了 |
| [05:19] | Okay. Thanks, Carol. | 好的 谢谢 卡萝尔 |
| [05:25] | Okay, now, the first thing you’re gonna want to do | 你想做的第一件事就是 |
| [05:27] | is to part your pubic thatch and locate your body’s dong. | 分开你的两胯 找到你的小弟弟 |
| [05:31] | You got it, bud? | 找到了吗 伙计 |
| [05:32] | Next, you’re gonna want to think | 然后你要开始想象 |
| [05:34] | on some kind of alluring scenario. | 一些非常诱惑的场景 |
| [05:36] | Bad pitch. You’re walking on a polar ice field, | 举个例子 你走在极地冰原上 |
| [05:39] | and you come upon a stranded dogsled team. | 你来到一条拉式雪橇边 |
| [05:42] | All the dogs are dead– natural causes– but… | 所有狗都死了 自然原因 但是… |
| [05:44] | Sorry, bud. C-could I get a little privacy? | 抱歉 伙计 能给我点私人空间吗 |
| [05:47] | Oh, yeah. You got it, bud. | 好的 没问题 伙计 |
| [05:48] | Everybody, be quiet! | 所有人都安静 |
| [05:50] | Todd’s about to masturbate! | 陶德马上要 |
| [05:52] | Right now! | 手淫了 |
| [05:54] | Quiet! | 安静 |
| [05:59] | Hey, girl. | 姑娘 |
| [06:00] | Oh. Hey, Melissa. What’s up? | 梅丽莎 怎么了 |
| [06:05] | I just wanted to thank you. | 我只是想谢谢你 |
| [06:07] | Todd’s smiling again. He’s laughing. He’s just… he’s happy. | 陶德又开始笑了 他笑得…很开心 |
| [06:12] | And it’s all ’cause of you. | 都是因为你 |
| [06:14] | You’re… | 你真是… |
| [06:15] | just an angel. | 一个天使 |
| [06:17] | – I’m not an angel. – You are! | -我不是天使 -你是 |
| [06:21] | You are. | 你是 |
| [06:23] | Okay. | 好吧 |
| [06:25] | Well, thanks. | 谢谢 |
| [06:26] | God, I just feel so close to you! | 天啊 我感觉我和你关系好近 |
| [06:28] | Like, we’ve been friends for a while now, | 我们已经认识一段时间了 |
| [06:31] | but I think now it’s time for us to be… | 但我觉得我们应该… |
| [06:33] | friends friends, you know? | 做好朋友了 你知道吗 |
| [06:36] | Yeah, I-I guess so. | 好吧 我想是的 |
| [06:38] | ‘Cause, like, when’s the last time we just dished? | 因为 我们上次一起洗盘子是什么时候的事了 |
| [06:40] | Or-or did, like, really silly girly stuff, | 或者做一些 傻乎乎的女孩子会做的事 |
| [06:43] | like lip-synched into a wooden spoon | 就像对着勺子一起假唱 |
| [06:45] | or just, aah, got tangled up in ribbons? | 或者和一堆缎带纠缠在一起 |
| [06:48] | Oh, I think, I think… never? – | 我觉得…从来没有过吧 |
| [06:51] | What do you say we boogie down the street, | 我们去街上逛逛 |
| [06:53] | get some candles, burn them down, and make new candles. | 拿点蜡烛 全部烧掉 再做点新的蜡烛怎么样 |
| [06:56] | Am I right, queen? | 可以吗 女王 |
| [06:58] | Yeah. | 好吧 |
| [07:00] | You know, I think I’m just gonna… | 我觉得我还是 |
| [07:02] | – stay here and fold clothes. – That is so you! | -留在这里叠衣服吧 -真有你的风格 |
| [07:06] | You’re so funny. God, you just… | 你真有趣 天啊 你… |
| [07:08] | you just put me in such a silly mood. | 你让我突然觉得自己好蠢 |
| [07:09] | Like, I just want to, aah, like, wear a giant tie. | 搞得我只想…戴上一个巨大的领结 |
| [07:13] | Oh. Okay. | 好吧 |
| [07:16] | Well, I’ll see you later. | 那回头见吧 |
| [07:17] | Yeah, you will. | 回见 |
| [07:19] | – Okay. – Big-time. | -好吧 -再见 |
| [07:24] | – Peaches? – Peaches. | -桃子 -桃子 |
| [07:26] | Five. | 五个 |
| [07:27] | Green beans? | 绿豆 |
| [07:29] | Mm, zero. | 没了 |
| [07:30] | Oh, good. Who needs them? | 太好了 谁需要绿豆呢 |
| [07:32] | Well, the babies, for one. | 宝宝们就需要 |
| [07:34] | And Todd, if he’s trying to produce some quality product. | 还有陶德 如果他想生个好宝宝的话 |
| [07:37] | How about you guys can divvy up my share, and in return, | 不如我的那一份就给你们分了吧 |
| [07:41] | I’ll just take all y’all’s rest of your chili. | 只要你们把剩余的辣椒都给我 |
| [07:44] | Speaking chili, what we got? | 说到辣椒 还有多少 |
| [07:47] | Ooh, bad news on the chili front. | 辣椒的情况可不妙 |
| [07:50] | Just this one. | 只有这罐了 |
| [07:51] | Homestyle beefy with extra beef? Yes, please. | 做家常牛肉加牛肉吗 没错 |
| [07:55] | – Hand it over. – Mom. Look at this gas bulge. | -给我 -妈妈 你看看这个胀气的地方 |
| [07:58] | I don’t think that’s a good idea. | 我觉得这不是什么好主意 |
| [07:59] | Carol, a big bulge has never scared off Gail Klosterman. | 卡萝尔 一点胀气可吓不到我盖尔 |
| [08:03] | So, I’m-a take my chances. | 所以我决定冒个险 |
| [08:05] | Yeah, maybe I’m overreacting. | 也许是我反应过度了 |
| [08:14] | You know, I’m just gonna go pick some fruit. | 我还是去挑点水果吧 |
| [08:37] | Ooh, how’d it go, bud? Did you produce? | 怎么样 伙计 生产出了吗 |
| [08:41] | Hot dang, the juice is loose! | 天啊 新鲜出炉 |
| [08:43] | Hey, give it to me. I’ll go run it over to Erica. | 给我 我马上去送给艾瑞卡 |
| [08:45] | Okay, but be careful. | 好吧 但是小心点 |
| [08:47] | Ooh, heavy. | 很重嘛 |
| [08:49] | Grizzle jizzy, bud. Great job. | 好样的 伙计 |
| [08:51] | Make way! Spermatozoa coming through! | 让路 精子来了 |
| [09:00] | Special delivery for one Ms. Erica Dundee! | 给艾瑞卡·邓迪小姐的特殊快递 |
| [09:05] | Oh, uh, sorry, Gail. Nope. | 对不起 盖尔 不行 |
| [09:07] | I’m sorry, but I’m under strict orders to bring this to Erica. | 对不起 但是我奉命一定要交到艾瑞卡手上 |
| [09:09] | Just give me the bag. | 把袋子给我就行 |
| [09:10] | Oh, God. I hate it, too, Gail. God, I hate it, | 天啊 我不想这样 盖尔 我也不想 |
| [09:13] | but, yeah, I got to follow “Procotol” here. | 但是我必须遵守”溢血” |
| [09:15] | Do you mean “Protocol”? | 你是说”协议”吗 |
| [09:17] | People pronounce it in many ways, Gail. | 这词有很多种发音 盖尔 |
| [09:19] | Erica, I got your spermatozoa here! | 艾瑞卡 你的精子在我这里 |
| [09:21] | Gail! Gail! | 盖尔 盖尔 |
| [09:22] | Oh, you’re such fake news! Sad! | 你真是讨人厌 |
| [10:07] | Oh, my gol. | 我的天 |
| [10:13] | Oh, hi. I’m so sorry, Erica. | 你好 真的很抱歉 艾瑞卡 |
| [10:14] | Did you want to sit next to Gail? | 你想坐在盖尔边上吗 |
| [10:16] | Melissa, should we maybe, uh, go? | 梅丽莎 我们让开吧 |
| [10:18] | – I’m fine right here. – Really? I-I mean, I insist. | -我坐这里就行 -真的吗 我坚持 |
| [10:20] | – Todd, I’m fine. – Okay. | -陶德 不用了 -好吧 |
| [10:23] | Well, just wondering if you wanted to… | 我在想你想不想… |
| [10:26] | Psst. Remember? | 这个 记得吗 |
| [10:31] | – How did it go? – Um, fine. | -情况如何 -还行 |
| [10:35] | Yeah? That’s great. Do you feel like it, um… took? | 是吗 好极了 你感觉…成功了吗 |
| [10:38] | I mean, it’s-it’s probably too early to tell. | 可能现在太早了 还判断不出来 |
| [10:40] | – Way too early. – But I feel like you’re glowing. | -是太早了 -但我觉得你容光焕发 |
| [10:42] | I mean, do you feel like you’re glowing a little bit? | 你觉得自己有点容光焕发吗 |
| [10:44] | – Todd, please. – I think she looks like she’s glowing. | -陶德 行了 -我觉得她有点容光焕发 |
| [10:46] | – I… – I’m not glowing. | -我… -我没有 |
| [10:49] | Wine, please. | 红酒 谢谢 |
| [11:01] | Is everything okay, Todd? | 一切还好吗 陶德 |
| [11:04] | Just, are you gonna drink that whole thing? | 你要都喝完吗 |
| [11:07] | Why? Do you want some? | 怎么了 你想喝吗 |
| [11:08] | No. I’m-I’m doing, uh, water. | 不 我喝水 |
| [11:10] | You know, because of our whole, you know, little dealio. | 因为我们之间的小协议 |
| [11:15] | That’s great. Good for you. | 很好 那不错 |
| [11:21] | Oh, my God. | 天啊 |
| [11:23] | – Cheers. – Cheers. | -干杯 -干杯 |
| [11:26] | I wrote a poem. | 我写了一首诗 |
| [11:30] | “Girlfriends.” | 《闺蜜》 |
| [11:32] | “There when we laugh, there when we cry. | 我们一起笑 我们一起哭 |
| [11:36] | “Hey, Erica, remember this tie? | 艾瑞卡 记得这条领带吗 |
| [11:39] | “Nail polish. Boys. | 做指甲 聊男人 |
| [11:42] | “See-through containers. | 透明容器 |
| [11:43] | “Putting paper clips in our mouths | 在我们嘴里放回形针 |
| [11:45] | “To pretend they’re retainers. | 假装是牙齿矫正器 |
| [11:48] | “You’re beautiful and smart, and you have so much style. | 你漂亮又聪明 你风格真多变 |
| [11:52] | I can’t wait for you and Todd to produce this ‘chile.'” | 我等不及看你和陶德一起创造孩子了 |
| [11:56] | Thank you, Melissa. | 谢谢 梅丽莎 |
| [11:58] | No, I’m not done. This is the sitting portion. | 我还没念完 重点在后面 |
| [12:00] | “Seated or standing, we’re never apart, | 不管坐还是站 我们永不分开 |
| [12:03] | ’cause you’ll always have a big piece of my heart.” | 因为你将永远是我心的一部分 |
| [12:06] | – The end. – Cool. | -结束 -很棒 |
| [12:09] | – More wine, hon? – That’d be a hard yes. | -还要红酒吗 -当然 |
| [12:13] | Everyone! | 各位 |
| [12:14] | Everyone! | 各位 |
| [12:16] | We’ve got company. | 有人来了 |
| [12:19] | We’ve got company? | 有人来了 |
| [12:21] | Who? | 谁 |
| [12:22] | I don’t know? | 不知道 |
| [12:23] | I didn’t see them. | 我没看到 |
| [12:24] | But all the proof I need is in here. | 但证据在这里面 |
| [12:33] | – Oh, my God. – Yep. | -天啊 -对 |
| [12:35] | Is this…? | 这是… |
| [12:37] | A bowel movement. | 肠蠕动成果 |
| [12:39] | But that’s not all. | 但是不止如此 |
| [12:41] | You want to know the weirdest thing about it? | 你们想知道最奇怪的部分吗 |
| [12:42] | That it’s sitting on the dinner table? | 那东西正放在我们的桌子上 |
| [12:44] | No. It’s fresh. | 不 那是新鲜的 |
| [12:51] | How do you know it’s not Tandy’s? | 你怎么知道那不是坦迪的 |
| [12:52] | – Did you find this under the “City dump” Sign? – No. | -是在”城市垃圾”标志底下发现的吗 -不是 |
| [12:55] | – At the base of the water slide? – No. | -水上滑梯底下 -不是 |
| [12:57] | – Next to the toilet at the youth center? – Gross. | -少年中心卫生间旁边 -好恶心 |
| [12:59] | I found it near the orange tree. | 我是在橙子树附近发现的 |
| [13:02] | Orange tree. Orange tree. | 橙子树 橙子树 |
| [13:09] | Gang, I cannot, in good conscience, | 各位 我确定 |
| [13:12] | take credit for this booty cigar. | 这不是我的 |
| [13:15] | – See? – It’s probably just Jasper’s. | -看到了吧 -可能是贾思博的 |
| [13:18] | My gut’s telling me it isn’t. | 直觉告诉我这不是他的 |
| [13:20] | I mean, the density, the sheen, the crumb– | 从密度 光泽 碎屑程度来看 |
| [13:23] | this is an adult. | 这是成年人的 |
| [13:25] | I’m telling you, someone’s out there. | 说真的 还有别人在 |
| [13:29] | Yeah. His name’s Jasper. | 对 他叫贾思博 |
| [13:32] | Jasper, huh? | 贾思博吗 |
| [13:38] | Well, at least I know he’s eating well. | 好吧 至少我知道他吃得很好 |
| [13:51] | – Todd? – Huh? | -陶德 -什么 |
| [13:53] | – What are you doing? – D-Doing inventory. | -你在干什么 -整理盘点 |
| [13:56] | You know, of-of the entire house. | 对整栋房子进行整理盘点 |
| [13:58] | And I came across this box of– what-what is this? | 然后看到一盒…这是什么 |
| [14:00] | Oh, that’s right. Tampons. | 没错 卫生棉 |
| [14:02] | So, you know, um, my tampon records show | 我的卫生棉条记录显示 |
| [14:04] | that there were six in the box last week, | 这盒里上周有六个 |
| [14:07] | which also jibes with today’s count, you know, also six. | 而今天刚好还是六个 |
| [14:09] | So, um… I hate to ask this, but I got to do it. | 所以 我也不想问 但我必须问 |
| [14:13] | Is that because none were used or…? | 是因为没人用过或者… |
| [14:14] | Oh, my God! | 苍天 |
| [14:16] | Hey, what’s going on in here? | 你们怎么了 |
| [14:17] | Todd is snooping around, | 陶德在到处看 |
| [14:19] | trying to figure out if I’m pregnant yet. | 想看看我是不是怀孕了 |
| [14:21] | Look, I’m sorry, okay? It’s just, it’s been two weeks, | 很抱歉 可是都过了两周了 |
| [14:24] | and I am champing, guys. | 我真的很着急 |
| [14:25] | Maybe I can help. Uh, Erica, when pregnant, | 说不定我能帮忙 艾瑞卡 怀孕时 |
| [14:28] | the female breasts often get tender to the touch. | 女性的乳房通常摸起来很柔软 |
| [14:31] | So, using the palm of your hand, | 所以 你用你的手掌 |
| [14:33] | – make a cupping motion and just… – Oh, God! | -做杯状动作 -天啊 |
| [14:35] | Look, I am taking a pregnancy test today. | 我今天就验孕 |
| [14:38] | Oh, great. | 好极了 |
| [14:39] | I will let you know the results as soon as I get them. | 结果出来我马上就告诉你 |
| [14:41] | Until then, could you please stay out of my tampon drawer? | 在此之前 你能离我的卫生棉抽屉远点吗 |
| [14:44] | – Sorry. – And don’t ask me any questions | -抱歉 -不要问我任何 |
| [14:46] | about the sensitivity level of my breasts. | 跟我的乳房敏感度相关的问题 |
| [14:48] | I would never. | 绝不问 |
| [14:48] | And generally just avoid me, okay? | 求你们放过我吧 好吗 |
| [14:50] | Todd, I think this might not be your month, bud. | 陶德 我觉得你这个月不走运 |
| [14:52] | Sounds like someone’s getting their period. | 听上去像有人要来大姨妈了 |
| [14:54] | Okay, that’s it. Get out. | 行了 都出去 |
| [14:55] | – Yeah, okay. Sorry. – Thanks for coming. | -好 抱歉 -谢谢过来 |
| [15:06] | What you doing, hon? | 你在干什么 亲爱的 |
| [15:08] | Well, I’m still not convinced that it was Jasper | 我还是不信那是贾思博 |
| [15:11] | who left his leavings by the orange tree, | 在橙子树下留的排泄物 |
| [15:13] | so just setting up a makeshift alarm system, | 所以就设个临时报警系统 |
| [15:16] | you know, just in case. | 以防万一 |
| [15:17] | Whatever floats your boat. | 你开心就好 |
| [15:19] | Well, you know, at the very least, | 至少这个可以 |
| [15:20] | it’ll be a calming presence. | 起到安神作用 |
| [15:29] | Yeah. | 是啊 |
| [15:30] | It’s like friggin’ Rainforest Cafe. | 就跟雨林咖啡馆一样 |
| [15:40] | Hey. So? | 怎么样 |
| [15:43] | Sorry, Todd. | 抱歉 陶德 |
| [15:48] | Guess you’re gonna go hit the sauce. | 看来你要去喝酒了 |
| [15:52] | Sorry, did you say something? | 你说什么 |
| [15:53] | I-I’m just gonna come out and say it. | 我就直说了 |
| [15:55] | You know, if I were trying to get pregnant, | 如果我想怀孕 |
| [15:56] | I wouldn’t be guzzling wine at every turn | 我不会跟青少年开派对一样 |
| [15:58] | like a teen at a hootenanny. | 随时都喝酒 |
| [15:59] | I’ve been having one glass at dinner, tops. | 我最多晚餐时喝一杯而已 |
| [16:02] | I saw you having coffee the other day, too. | 那天我还看到你喝咖啡了 |
| [16:04] | You know, and you still haven’t used | 而且你还没用 |
| [16:06] | that meditation stone I got you, so… | 我给你的冥想石 所以… |
| [16:08] | Look, could you please stop acting like a crazy person?! | 你能别跟个疯子一样了吗 |
| [16:11] | Yeah, and could you please stop acting like you want this?! | 那你能别装得跟自己想要一样吗 |
| [16:13] | Because it’s pretty clear you don’t. | 很显然你根本不想要 |
| [16:15] | Look, if this is a preview | 如果你这是提前 |
| [16:17] | of how you’re gonna be as a father, | 告诉我你当父亲的样子 |
| [16:18] | we might need to change this from a co-parenting situation | 那我们可能得把一起抚养孩子 |
| [16:21] | to more of a sperm donor situation. | 变为你捐精了 |
| [16:23] | Y-You can’t do that. Look, if I put a baby in you, | 你不能那样 如果我让你怀孕 |
| [16:26] | you better believe I’m gonna be a part of its life. | 那你最好相信 我会成为它生活的一部分 |
| [16:29] | Then maybe you shouldn’t put a baby in me. | 那说不定你不该让我怀孕 |
| [16:40] | Are you here to get me to have | 你是来让我跟你 |
| [16:41] | a pillow fight or something? | 玩枕头大战之类的吗 |
| [16:44] | Todd told me the news, so… I just came to see how you were. | 陶德告诉我了 我是来看看你的情况的 |
| [16:49] | Well, to be honest, | 说实话 |
| [16:50] | I think I need a little space from Todd and… | 我觉得我需要远离陶德和… |
| [16:53] | other people. | 其他人 |
| [16:55] | Look, I’m sorry for being weird. | 抱歉我行为很奇怪 |
| [17:00] | I-I just haven’t had many girlfriends in my life. | 可能是因为我没有过多少闺蜜 |
| [17:05] | It’s okay. | 没事 |
| [17:06] | But just know that whatever happens, | 但是你要知道 无论如何 |
| [17:11] | it won’t change how thankful I am | 都不会改变我 |
| [17:13] | for you even giving this a shot. | 对你愿意一试的谢意 |
| [17:17] | Thanks, Melissa. | 谢谢 梅丽莎 |
| [17:19] | I wrote you another poem. | 我又写了一首诗 |
| [17:22] | – I’m kidding. – Oh. | -开玩笑的 -那就好 |
| [17:24] | Phew. | 松了口气 |
| [17:27] | Okay, Clancy, come to Daddy. | 好 克兰西 来爸爸这里 |
| [17:29] | Come to Daddy. | 来爸爸这里 |
| [17:30] | Oh, good boy. Good boy. | 乖 好样的 |
| [17:33] | Now sit up. Sit up for me. | 坐下 听话 坐下 |
| [17:36] | Oh, good boy. Good boy. | 好样的 好样的 |
| [17:40] | Oh, hey, bud. | 是你 伙计 |
| [17:41] | I got us a dog. Well, it’s a robot dog. | 我们有狗了 是机器狗 |
| [17:43] | Well, the body’s a robot, and the head’s a dog. | 身体是机器 头是狗头 |
| [17:46] | It’s a taxidermy head. Yeah. | 这是狗头标本 |
| [17:47] | Hey, play dead, Clancy. | 装死 克兰西 |
| [17:52] | There we go. Good boy. | 很好 好样的 |
| [17:54] | – Isn’t that something? – Hmm. | -是不是很棒 -嗯 |
| [17:56] | So, how’s it going, bud? | 情况如何 伙计 |
| [17:58] | Test was negative, bud. | 没有成功 伙计 |
| [17:59] | Oh, I’m so sorry, bud. | 很遗憾 伙计 |
| [18:02] | Here. Clancy, comfort Todd. | 克兰西 安慰陶德 |
| [18:11] | Hey. Pat his head. | 摸摸它的头 |
| [18:13] | – Get in there. – Hey. | -去摸 -乖 |
| [18:15] | Look, you’ll get ’em next time. | 下次肯定会成功的 |
| [18:17] | – If there is a next time. – Wait, what do you mean? | -前提是还有下次 -慢着 什么意思 |
| [18:19] | Well, we got in a fight, and I went a little nuts, | 我们吵架了 我没控制住自己 |
| [18:21] | and now she might want to pull the plug on the whole thing. | 现在她可能根本不想做了 |
| [18:24] | Well, I thought she wanted another kid. | 她不是想再生个孩子吗 |
| [18:26] | She does. I’m just not sure she wants to have one with me. | 是的 但她可能不想跟我生了 |
| [18:29] | I see where you’re going with this, okay? | 我明白你的意思了 |
| [18:30] | But, Todd, rest assured I will never– | 陶德 你放心 我绝不会 |
| [18:33] | barring your early death– have a baby with Erica. | 除非你早死 否则我绝不会跟艾瑞卡生孩子 |
| [18:37] | Uh, okay. Thanks. | 好的 谢谢 |
| [18:38] | I mean that, bud. Firmly. | 我是很认真的 伙计 |
| [18:40] | – Here, bring it in. – Yeah. | -过来亲一口 -好 |
| [18:43] | Now, look, she’s not gonna call it off. | 听我说 她不会不干的 |
| [18:45] | Bottom line, she wants a baby, and you’re her only shot. | 如果她想要孩子 你是她唯一的机会 |
| [18:50] | Yeah. I guess I am. | 对 是的 |
| [18:53] | Thanks, bud. | 谢谢 伙计 |
| [18:58] | Hey. Clancy, got a stick! | 克兰西 去捡棍子 |
| [19:01] | Go, fetch! Fetch! | 去捡 去捡 |
| [19:08] | Clamp onto it. Come on. | 咬住 快点 |
| [19:43] | Who are you? | 你是谁 |
| [19:52] | Tandy. Tandy, did you hear that? | 坦迪 坦迪 你听到了吗 |
| [19:55] | I think someone’s in the house. | 房子里好像进来人了 |
| [19:56] | Look, it’s probably just the wind, | 可能只是风声 |
| [19:57] | but I’ll go check it out, okay? | 不过我会去看看 好吗 |
| [20:07] | Hello? | 有人吗 |
| [20:09] | Anybody there? | 有人吗 |
| [20:18] | Hello? | 有人吗 |
| [20:29] | Huh. | 没人 |
| [21:17] | Mike. | 麦克 |