时间 | 英文 | 中文 |
---|---|---|
[00:07] | Oh, hey, guys. | |
[00:08] | How are you feeling after that wild wedding last night?Ooh. | |
[00:10] | Hungover and headachy, queasy. | |
[00:14] | Damn, I had a good time. | |
[00:15] | [mutters][laughs] | |
[00:17] | TINA: Oh, hey, Suraya. | |
[00:20] | We were just talking about your son’s wedding. | |
[00:22] | Oh, you Indian folks sure know how to party. | |
[00:24] | Ooh!You know, | |
[00:26] | I think I threw my hip out | |
[00:28] | when your granny and I were dirty dancing. | |
[00:29] | CALVIN: Uh, | |
[00:31] | Dave, I don’t think anybody would call | |
[00:34] | what you were doing “dancing.” | |
[00:36] | Forget “Baby.” | |
[00:37] | Somebody should’ve put you in a corner.[laughing] | |
[00:39] | Okay, you know, I don’t care what you say. | |
[00:41] | I had the time of my life. | |
[00:43] | Well, these sweet laddoos are my way | |
[00:45] | of saying “Thank you for coming.”Oh. | |
[00:48] | Ooh, well, don’t mind if I laddoo. | |
[00:50] | [laughs]Hey, Suraya, | |
[00:53] | uh, you’re a professional matchmaker. | |
[00:55] | You know, you think you can match up my boys? | |
[00:58] | Oh, Malcolm and Marty would never go for a matchmaker. | |
[01:01] | Butler men like to hunt for their own meat. | |
[01:05] | I-I mean, women. | |
[01:08] | I mean, whatever’s not offensive. | |
[01:12] | I matched all my own sons. | |
[01:14] | Even this one married a beautiful lawyer, | |
[01:16] | and he’s into anime cosplay. | |
[01:18] | Wow. She’s gorgeous. | |
[01:21] | Wait a minute. | |
[01:22] | This woman married a dude dressed as a lizard? | |
[01:25] | I’m very good at what I do. | |
[01:28] | Okay. Well, “very good” usually means very expensive. | |
[01:32] | Well, how about, since you fixed up our transmission, | |
[01:36] | I fix up your boys? | |
[01:38] | Okay. Thank you, Suraya.[laughs] You bet. | |
[01:41] | I’ll see you soon.You got it. | |
[01:43] | I don’t know, Tina. | |
[01:45] | I got a feeling this thing is gonna blow up | |
[01:47] | just like her old transmission. | |
[01:50] | ♪ Welcome to the block, welcome to the neighborhood ♪ | |
[01:52] | ♪ Welcome to the hood. | |
[01:59] | So, Malcolm and Marty have no idea | |
[02:01] | that I’m here to find them wives? | |
[02:03] | Nope. Think of it like a timeshare presentation. | |
[02:05] | First, we lure them in with my famous berry cobbler. | |
[02:09] | And then, wham! We trap them with a lifetime commitment.Mm-hmm. | |
[02:14] | Hey, hey. Is the food ready? | |
[02:16] | ‘Cause we’re ready! [laughs] | |
[02:18] | Oh, we got cobbler. | |
[02:20] | Oh, we got company. | |
[02:22] | [laughs] Hey, Ms. Suraya.Hello. | |
[02:25] | Wait. | |
[02:27] | Why did you make all of our favorite foods? | |
[02:29] | Oh, no. Mama. | |
[02:31] | You’re not trying to sell us supplements again? | |
[02:34] | Your mother thought you could use some help | |
[02:36] | meeting that someone special. | |
[02:38] | Um, are y’all trying to hook one of us up with Ms. Suraya? | |
[02:42] | Don’t you think she’s a little too old? | |
[02:45] | I prefer “seasoned.” | |
[02:47] | And you should be so lucky. | |
[02:49] | Mm…Um… | |
[02:52] | Suraya is a professional matchmaker. | |
[02:55] | Well, thanks, but I’m good. | |
[02:56] | In fact, I canceled a date just to be here. | |
[02:59] | Okay, well, Marty? | |
[03:02] | This cobbler’s great. Okay. | |
[03:04] | I’m interested.Yeah! | |
[03:06] | Yes!Of course you are. | |
[03:07] | It’s the magic of the cobbler.Mm-hmm. | |
[03:09] | Well, that, and whatever I’m doing isn’t working. | |
[03:11] | I need a date for my ten-year high school reunion. | |
[03:13] | And I’m not gonna be the only single guy there again. | |
[03:15] | It’ll be like prom night all over. | |
[03:18] | So, Ms. Suraya, sign me up. | |
[03:20] | Oh! Thank you, Jesus! | |
[03:23] | There’s hope for grandbabies yet. | |
[03:25] | Just have a girl first, and then you can have whatever you want. | |
[03:31] | Hey, honey. How was your day? | |
[03:33] | Long.Oh. Mine, too. | |
[03:36] | We’ve been working way too hard lately. | |
[03:38] | Yeah, I know. I mean, I don’t even remember | |
[03:40] | the last time we sat on this couch together. | |
[03:41] | Well, you’re here now. We can finally catch up. So tell me, | |
[03:44] | how was your day?Well… Mom, Dad. | |
[03:46] | I just remembered I didn’t do my book report on Tom Sawyer. | |
[03:50] | Okay, well, when’s it due? | |
[03:53] | Tomorrow. | |
[03:54] | Oh, no. Ugh. | |
[03:57] | I’ll help you. Where’s the book? | |
[03:59] | The library. | |
[04:01] | Come on, Grover. | |
[04:04] | Sorry, hon. We’ll catch up this weekend. | |
[04:07] | Hey, Suraya! So, did you find Marty a wife yet?[laughing] | |
[04:12] | It’s been 24 hours. | |
[04:14] | Oh. Come in. | |
[04:16] | Tina, Marty’s a major project. | |
[04:18] | Give the lady another 20 minutes, okay? | |
[04:22] | I have chosen a special group of women, | |
[04:24] | and these are their biodatas. | |
[04:26] | They are like headshots and résumés in one. | |
[04:29] | Okay, well, you got anybody in there that can cook? | |
[04:31] | ‘Cause I need somebody to make me some crab cakes for a change. | |
[04:35] | And I need somebody that’s into sports. | |
[04:37] | Any of these ladies come with the NFL package? | |
[04:39] | Oh, Marty doesn’t care about that. | |
[04:42] | The boy tried to dribble a football. | |
[04:44] | I checked for astrological compatibility, | |
[04:47] | and I ran background checks to make sure they’re not psycho. | |
[04:49] | And this is my top pick. | |
[04:52] | [laughing] Fatemeh Samuel. | |
[04:54] | Oh, she’s Ethiopian, | |
[04:56] | and she’s an interior designer. | |
[04:57] | Very nice.Mm-hmm. | |
[04:59] | Yeah, she’s also very, very nice looking. | |
[05:02] | Back off of Marty’s future wife. | |
[05:05] | You know what? I… | |
[05:06] | I-I kind of like this girl better. | |
[05:08] | Asha Patel. | |
[05:10] | Says she makes six figures, and she works for Jet Blue. | |
[05:13] | Can somebody say companion pass? | |
[05:16] | Welcome to the family, Asha. | |
[05:18] | Please, I have a process here.[overlapping chatter] | |
[05:20] | This is much more complicated than it seems. | |
[05:22] | No. Wait, wait. I found the winner. | |
[05:24] | This one just graduated, and she’s a doctor. | |
[05:27] | Mm. [laughs]Now I can stop googling every time I sneeze. | |
[05:30] | Did you say “just graduated”? | |
[05:32] | Yeah.No, she probably still got medical school loans. | |
[05:35] | We can’t let her mess up our credit. | |
[05:36] | That’s a good point.Yeah, no, no. We don’t want… | |
[05:38] | Excuse me! Excuse me. Why don’t you leave this | |
[05:41] | to a professional? Yes? | |
[05:42] | Yeah, Malcolm. What you got over here? | |
[05:45] | Let me see that. | |
[05:47] | Wait, wait, wait. What’s wrong with her? | |
[05:48] | What’s wrong with her? | |
[05:50] | What’s wrong with you? | |
[05:51] | What?Look at those ears. | |
[05:53] | That’s nothing that a haircut can’t fix. | |
[05:55] | Uh, Ma, just because Marty likes hobbits | |
[05:58] | don’t mean he want to date one. | |
[05:59] | TINA: All right. | |
[06:01] | Wait. This one is not so bad. | |
[06:03] | Okay.No. Look. | |
[06:05] | Do you think we can get her to trim her mustache? | |
[06:07] | Oh…Suraya, do…? | |
[06:09] | Suraya? | |
[06:12] | Damn. Did Suraya leave without saying goodbye? | |
[06:15] | Well, that’s just rude. | |
[06:20] | How do I look? | |
[06:22] | Like a steamy, hot cup of coffee that just woke me up. | |
[06:26] | [laughs] | |
[06:27] | Ew. | |
[06:28] | I decided to turn the heat up | |
[06:32] | a notch since we haven’t had a date night in a while. | |
[06:34] | Well, I think you broke the thermometer. | |
[06:39] | Maybe you didn’t hear me. Ew! | |
[06:42] | [scoffs] | |
[06:44] | I hope the sitter gets here soon. | |
[06:46] | The restaurant only gives a 15-minute grace period. | |
[06:49] | Well, you can go. Don’t worry. I’m old enough to watch myself. | |
[06:52] | Just leave your credit card, you know, for… emergencies. | |
[06:55] | Oh, yeah, sure, and why don’t we leave the door open, | |
[06:58] | and the keys on the table? | |
[07:00] | And I’ll unlock the liquor cabinet, too. | |
[07:02] | You could have just said “no,” Dad. | |
[07:04] | [phone chimes]No, no, no, no, no, no! | |
[07:07] | The sitter just canceled! | |
[07:10] | Donna? Why? | |
[07:11] | Her boyfriend broke up with her. | |
[07:13] | Oh, not Troy.Uh-huh. | |
[07:16] | He was the star quarterback. | |
[07:20] | Well, what happened? | |
[07:21] | Something about them | |
[07:22] | not spending enough time together. | |
[07:24] | Great! Let’s have a Monopoly marathon. | |
[07:27] | I call the shoe! | |
[07:30] | Ugh. I’m gonna go put on my PJs. | |
[07:32] | Yeah. I’ll go unlock the liquor cabinet. | |
[07:37] | TINA: Marty is going to be so upset. | |
[07:39] | How do we tell him that his matchmaker quit? | |
[07:41] | I was going to tell him like this. | |
[07:43] | Marty, your matchmaker quit. | |
[07:45] | [mutters] | |
[07:47] | Wow, Pop. You are all heart. | |
[07:50] | Just full of compassion over there. | |
[07:52] | Look, I’m just saying, back in my day, | |
[07:55] | you didn’t need a matchmaker. | |
[07:56] | If you liked a girl, you told her friend. | |
[07:59] | Her friend would let you know if she liked you. | |
[08:02] | Then, y’all would meet at the lockers | |
[08:03] | in the hallway or something like that. | |
[08:05] | What I’m saying is that it was simple. | |
[08:08] | [laughs] Guys, I was just on Suraya’s website, | |
[08:11] | and she has a 99% success rate. | |
[08:14] | I’m definitely bringing a plus-one to my ten-year reunion, | |
[08:17] | and I’m gonna have two kids for my 20th. [laughs] | |
[08:20] | [sniffing] Mm. Mm. Y’all smell smoke? | |
[08:25] | Tina…I’m gonna help Mama put that fire out. | |
[08:30] | You know, son, it’s, um, never wise | |
[08:33] | to put all your faith in one person. | |
[08:35] | Oh, no. No, you’re right.Yeah. | |
[08:37] | Which is why I’m only putting 99% of our faith in her, okay? | |
[08:41] | Yeah. About that. Um, Suraya– she, uh… | |
[08:45] | Did she find my match already? | |
[08:48] | Well, the truth is, we haven’t heard from her. | |
[08:51] | Okay, well, I’ll just call her to check in. | |
[08:53] | Okay, Marty, hold on. Look, um, | |
[08:56] | the honest truth is, she quit. | |
[09:00] | What? Why? | |
[09:02] | I don’t know. | |
[09:04] | Probably something your mama said. | |
[09:06] | You know her, you know how she is. | |
[09:10] | Yeah, well, I’ll never meet my girl. | |
[09:13] | What are you talking about? | |
[09:15] | Of course you will. | |
[09:17] | Dad, you don’t get it. | |
[09:19] | You met Mom when you were in your early 20s. | |
[09:21] | You don’t know what it’s like to be my age and still dating. | |
[09:24] | I’m tired of getting dressed up and paying for dinners | |
[09:27] | for it all to go nowhere. | |
[09:29] | Well, son, I told you before, | |
[09:31] | you should start with coffee dates. | |
[09:33] | Huh? | |
[09:36] | Look, Marty, you’re gonna meet someone, all right? | |
[09:38] | You’re an amazing dude. | |
[09:40] | Oh, yeah? Then why am I still single, | |
[09:42] | living with my brother, next door to my parents? | |
[09:45] | Damn. | |
[09:47] | That sounds like the saddest blues song ever. | |
[09:51] | Well, I’m gonna head home and | |
[09:54] | get under my weighted blanket | |
[09:56] | so I know what it feels like to be cuddled. | |
[10:00] | I was wrong. | |
[10:02] | Thatsounded like the saddest blues song ever. | |
[10:07] | Oh. | |
[10:09] | Well, how did Marty take the news?Not well. | |
[10:12] | Thanks. | |
[10:13] | I think we’re gonna have to fill in for Suraya. | |
[10:17] | Otherwise, in a few days, Marty might be married to a blanket. | |
[10:27] | What about two weeks from Friday? | |
[10:30] | Oh, we can’t. We have to meet our accountant. | |
[10:32] | Ugh.What about the Saturday after that? | |
[10:35] | Grover’s swim team awards ceremony.Oh. | |
[10:37] | Well, I guess we’ll just have to wait a month | |
[10:39] | for our next date night. | |
[10:42] | You know, I was really looking forward | |
[10:44] | to spending some one-on-one time with you. | |
[10:46] | I don’t want to lose the spice in our relationship. | |
[10:49] | Ugh. Me, either, but at this rate, | |
[10:51] | we’re not gonna have a date night | |
[10:52] | till after Grover goes to college. | |
[10:54] | Or the military, ’cause he’s going somewhere. | |
[10:58] | You know, maybe it’s not about planning alone time. | |
[11:02] | Maybe it’s about taking advantage | |
[11:03] | of the moments that we do have together. | |
[11:05] | Maybe. Oh, can you grab some salsa? | |
[11:27] | [speaking Spanish] | |
[11:30] | [with Spanish accent]: Are you alone? | |
[11:33] | No, I’m with my husband. | |
[11:36] | Dave, what are you doing? | |
[11:38] | Dave? Who is this Dave? | |
[11:39] | I have never heard of any Dave. | |
[11:44] | My name is Señor Victor Gonzalez. | |
[11:47] | [laughs quietly] | |
[11:50] | And I am a spy who has just met the hottest woman | |
[11:53] | that I have ever seen in my entire life. | |
[11:55] | [laughs] | |
[11:57] | And I heard you are looking for some spice. | |
[12:00] | [laughs] | |
[12:02] | You’re so silly, Dave. | |
[12:05] | Dave? Again, I do not know who this “Dave” is. | |
[12:08] | You may call me Victor. | |
[12:12] | And you are? | |
[12:15] | I’m… Ginger. | |
[12:19] | [British accent]: I’m… Dr. Ginger Teagarten… | |
[12:26] | …a brilliant archeologist, | |
[12:28] | who’s only in town for one night | |
[12:31] | before flying off to Egypt in search of the… | |
[12:36] | lost ark. | |
[12:42] | Well, Dr. Teagarten, I need to make sure | |
[12:44] | that you are not stealing government secrets. | |
[12:46] | Oh.So I’m afraid I’m going to need to, uh, | |
[12:49] | strip-search you. | |
[12:54] | But I only have 30 minutes | |
[12:57] | before I’m expected back at the… museum. | |
[13:02] | This is not a problem, Dr. Teagarten. Oh? | |
[13:05] | That is 25 more minutes than I will need. | |
[13:08] | Let’s go. | |
[13:14] | I don’t know why we’re feeding all these people | |
[13:16] | when the only woman that matters is the one that I chose. | |
[13:20] | We had to make it look like a mixer, so the women don’t know | |
[13:24] | that they’re here to compete for a date with Marty. | |
[13:26] | Um, and I think it’s good that he thinks he has lots of choices | |
[13:29] | before he realizes that my girl is best. | |
[13:31] | Right, ’cause I’m sure what Marty’s looking for | |
[13:35] | is a girl picked out by his mama and daddy. | |
[13:38] | Now, trust me, the lady I selected– | |
[13:41] | she gonna win, hands down. | |
[13:44] | Oh, you look sharp. | |
[13:47] | [laughs] | |
[13:49] | Oh, look at you, baby. | |
[13:51] | You look so extremely handsome, except those eyebrows. | |
[13:54] | I don’t know what is going on there.Okay. All right. | |
[13:56] | Let me just put them…Okay, come on. No, no, no. | |
[13:58] | I’m just trying to hook him up. | |
[14:00] | All right, son, there’s plenty of women here.Okay. | |
[14:03] | All right, look around.Yeah. Okay. | |
[14:05] | And then you make your choice.Okay. | |
[14:06] | Starting with that one. | |
[14:11] | All right, I’m going in. Wish me luck.Oh, yeah. | |
[14:15] | [quietly]: Tippy toe. | |
[14:18] | I mean, they keep winning, but they’re not gaining any ground. | |
[14:21] | I mean, the team is hitting, | |
[14:23] | but the problem is the bullpen. | |
[14:25] | And they need to sit Jansen. | |
[14:27] | His ERA is like a zip code. | |
[14:29] | [laughs] I-I have no idea what any of that means. | |
[14:35] | Give her a chance, son, all right? | |
[14:37] | She has season tickets to the Dodgers. | |
[14:39] | [clears throat] | |
[14:40] | Well, Lindsey, | |
[14:43] | I do hope they get those bulls back in their pen. | |
[14:45] | [both laugh] | |
[14:46] | That was… | |
[14:48] | You look a little thirsty. There’s a nice girl | |
[14:50] | over by the punch bowl. | |
[14:52] | Oh, actually, is there some coconut water? | |
[14:53] | Just go! | |
[14:56] | So, “Pasadena’s only musical baker.” | |
[14:59] | What does that even mean? | |
[15:01] | Well, let me show you.Oh, okay. | |
[15:03] | ♪ I add flour and butter and sprinkle sugar on top ♪ | |
[15:06] | ♪ Zing goes the oven in my karaoke cake shop. ♪ | |
[15:10] | Yeah. | |
[15:16] | Marty, meet Ariel. | |
[15:18] | Well, I got to admit, she is pretty. | |
[15:21] | She all right. | |
[15:23] | Ooh, here’s the bachelor! | |
[15:26] | Dope or nope? | |
[15:28] | What do you think, Ariel Nation? | |
[15:29] | Leave your comments below. | |
[15:32] | Girl, who are you talking to? | |
[15:35] | My 200,000 followers. | |
[15:39] | Yes. Ariel is an influencer, Okay? | |
[15:42] | Yeah.[laughs] | Yeah. |
[15:46] | She’s also a thrill seeker. | |
[15:48] | She’s bungee jumping Yosemite Falls next week. | |
[15:50] | Ah. You should come! | |
[15:52] | Girl, I would love to. | |
[15:55] | I mean, uh, you-you should go. | |
[15:57] | Y-Yeah, ’cause that’s how this works. | |
[16:00] | [Marty chuckles] | |
[16:02] | Uh, uh, well, | |
[16:04] | my two biggest fears are heights and drowning, so no thanks. | |
[16:07] | Oh. Uh, adventure sports are a really big part of my life. | |
[16:11] | Yeah, well, you know, | |
[16:13] | I look both ways on a one-way street. [laughs] | |
[16:15] | Well, it was nice meeting you. | |
[16:17] | What? Uh… | |
[16:20] | Well, I think Ariel is great, okay? I would pick her. | |
[16:24] | [clears throat] I mean, he should pick her, okay? | |
[16:26] | I’m-a go talk to him. Marty? | |
[16:28] | Marty? | |
[16:30] | Well, did he leave? | |
[16:32] | People keep leaving without saying “goodbye.” | |
[16:35] | It’s rude. | |
[16:37] | I’m starting to think it’s a societal issue. | |
[16:42] | Grover is finally asleep. | |
[16:44] | Honey, today you have shown me two things. | |
[16:48] | We’ll never lose our spice because | |
[16:51] | you keep things interesting.[chuckles] | |
[16:53] | And the backseat of our Prius is way bigger than I thought. | |
[16:58] | See? Aren’t you glad we sprung for the leather seats?Mm-hmm. | |
[17:02] | Well, if you ever bump into Victor Gonzales again, | |
[17:06] | tell him he has an open invite | |
[17:09] | to visit Dr. Ginger in Luxor. | |
[17:12] | Really? | |
[17:14] | Mm-hmm. | |
[17:16] | I’ll let him know.Good. | |
[17:19] | [Spanish accent]: Buenas noches, señorita. | |
[17:23] | It is I, Victor Gonzalez.Mm. | |
[17:25] | I have traveled a great distance, | |
[17:28] | but I’m afraid I must strip-search you again.[gasps] | |
[17:31] | [with accent]: Again? | |
[17:33] | Well, if you must, señor. | |
[17:35] | Ooh, I must, Dr. Ginger. | |
[17:38] | You see, you might be smuggling contraband. | |
[17:41] | Oh. | |
[17:43] | Mom? Dad?Mm. | |
[17:46] | I can’t sleep. Can I watch some TV? | |
[17:49] | [with Spanish accent]: Of course you can, but… | |
[17:51] | [clears throat] | |
[17:53] | [normal voice]: Come on, buddy. Of course. Come sit down. | |
[17:57] | All right. | |
[18:01] | So, uh, who’s Dr. Ginger? | |
[18:08] | Marty, what are you doing out here? | |
[18:10] | [sighs] | |
[18:12] | Mama, I don’t have anything in common with any of those girls. | |
[18:16] | Baby, we’re sorry. | |
[18:18] | We just wanted to help you find a great match. | |
[18:21] | Yeah, well, you did. | |
[18:23] | We did? Which one? | |
[18:25] | No, I meant, you found the perfect matches for yourselves. | |
[18:30] | Lindsey is into the Dodgers, like Dad. | |
[18:33] | And Denise is into singing and baking, like Mom. | |
[18:36] | And Ariel is really into Malcolm. | |
[18:42] | TINA: You know, | |
[18:44] | baby, you’re right. We were too focused | |
[18:46] | on looking for the qualities that we like. | |
[18:48] | Yeah. Instead of those that appeal to you. | |
[18:51] | Yeah, well, on the bright side, | |
[18:54] | you did help me figure out what I don’t want. | |
[18:56] | You know, sure, it would be nice to take someone to my reunion, | |
[19:00] | but after tonight, I realize… | |
[19:05] | I want what you two have. | |
[19:09] | And instead of rushing it, I’m… I’m willing | |
[19:11] | to wait until I find the right girl. | |
[19:13] | Well, you do that, you know, because I get it now, you know? | |
[19:16] | These little heifers out here are something else. | |
[19:19] | Ah.Yeah. | |
[19:22] | But what I do know– when that special someone finds you, | |
[19:27] | she is going to be a very lucky woman. | |
[19:30] | Well, I can’t wait to meet her. | |
[19:32] | [laughs softly]Don’t worry, son. She’s out there. | |
[19:35] | Just not in that car. | |
[19:49] | Hmm. | |
[19:51] | [with New York accent]: Uh… pardon me. | |
[19:56] | You are one of the most attractive women | |
[19:59] | that I have ever seen in my entire life. | |
[20:03] | Do I know you? | |
[20:06] | You do not. | |
[20:09] | But your mother’s gonna love me. | |
[20:14] | Well, thank you, but I’ve got to get to court. | |
[20:15] | I’ve got a big case to try. | |
[20:18] | Wow. Uh, wicked. You’re a lawyer?Mm. | |
[20:22] | ‘Cause I got a record. | |
[20:26] | Okay, Dave, this isn’t working for me. Go back to Victor. | |
[20:28] | Okay, all right, um… | |
[20:36] | [with Spanish accent]: Buenas noches, señorita. | |
[20:40] | Victor Gonzalez never strays | |
[20:43] | too far away.Mm. | |
[20:47] | I will see you in the car.Okay. | |
[20:49] | Ooh. Un momento. | |
[20:53] | Dave, eggs aren’t sexy.[normal voice]: No, I know. | |
[20:55] | We’re out. I need them for the morning.Oh. | |
[21:01] | Captioning sponsored by CBS | |
[21:07] | Captioned by Media Access Group at WGBH access.wgbh.org |