时间 | 英文 | 中文 |
---|---|---|
[00:05] | [rumbling] | |
[00:07] | [car alarms blaring]DAVE: Earthquake! | |
[00:09] | Earthquake, earthquake! | |
[00:11] | Oh, my God, oh, my God, oh, my God. Are you okay, baby? | |
[00:12] | Uh, I think so. | |
[00:14] | Okay. Oh.Where’s Dad? | |
[00:16] | Earthquake! Earthquake! | |
[00:18] | It’s an earthquake! | |
[00:21] | Stay calm. Stay calm. Everything’s okay. | |
[00:23] | [sirens blaring]I gathered all our essentials. | |
[00:25] | I got a air mattress. Cell phones. | |
[00:26] | I got my dream journal. | |
[00:28] | You remembered your dream journal, | |
[00:30] | but you forgot your pants? | |
[00:37] | Oh, hey. | |
[00:39] | Good morning, everybody. | |
[00:43] | Are you, are you guys okay? | |
[00:45] | Other than this coffee being a little bitter, we’re fine. | |
[00:51] | Where’s Malcolm and Marty? | |
[00:52] | They’re fine. | |
[00:54] | They don’t get out of bed for anything under a 5.8. | |
[00:56] | [scoffs] | |
[00:58] | I can’t believe you guys are so calm about this. | |
[01:00] | My heart is beating out of my chest. | |
[01:02] | Girl, we grew up here. | |
[01:03] | We ain’t new to this. We true to this. | |
[01:07] | I mean, the only reason I got out of bed is | |
[01:08] | to see which neighbor slept naked. | |
[01:11] | And I was right, it was Dave. Yeah. | |
[01:14] | All right, so, what do we do now? | |
[01:16] | We pitch a tent so we don’t have to sleep inside tonight? | |
[01:18] | Dave, I don’t think a guy that’s wearing a welcome mat | |
[01:21] | for pants should be talking about pitching tents. | |
[01:27] | ♪ Welcome to the block, welcome to the neighborhood ♪ | |
[01:29] | ♪ Welcome to the hood. ♪ | |
[01:35] | Well, thanks so much for coming on such short notice, Jackie. | |
[01:38] | I mean, these cracks look pretty nasty. | |
[01:41] | For the owner of Tina-licious Cakes? No problem. | |
[01:43] | I accept cash, credit and red velvet cupcakes. | |
[01:46] | [laughing] | |
[01:47] | Well, there’s not much to do. | |
[01:50] | I mean, this house is rock-solid, you know? | |
[01:55] | Well, technically, that’s not a part of the house. | |
[02:00] | Well, I’m just hoping for a big enough aftershock | |
[02:01] | So I can finally get my open concept kitchen. | |
[02:04] | Ha. I wouldn’t bet on it. | |
[02:07] | I mean, we rode out the big one in ’94 | |
[02:09] | with no problem. | |
[02:10] | This house is like me. | |
[02:12] | They just don’t build ’em like this anymore. | |
[02:14] | You know? | |
[02:19] | Calvin, the Lord has spoken, | |
[02:21] | and He said it’s time to remodel. | |
[02:24] | Even the Bible got a New Testament. | |
[02:26] | Oh. | |
[02:28] | So, which color would you like for our new walls? | |
[02:30] | I like this one. | |
[02:32] | Well, that’s the color it is now. | |
[02:34] | Exactly. | |
[02:37] | Come on, baby, let’s take this as an opportunity | |
[02:39] | to just update some things. | |
[02:41] | Okay, you know what? We’ll get an 85-inch TV. | |
[02:44] | It’ll hide all the cracks. | |
[02:46] | Nice try. No. | |
[02:51] | Oh, hey, you two. | |
[02:52] | Are my babies okay? | |
[02:54] | Yeah, we’re all right. | |
[02:55] | Our house did get a little bit of damage, | |
[02:57] | but we’re not worried. | |
[02:58] | We’re renters. | |
[03:01] | Uh, speaking of, | |
[03:03] | there is a-a hole in the wall | |
[03:05] | that looks like somebody flew a drone into it, | |
[03:07] | but it was definitely from the earthquake. | |
[03:10] | Well, this is a pretty big job. | |
[03:12] | Uh, you might want to check into a hotel. | |
[03:14] | We’ll stay at our hotel. | |
[03:15] | [scoffs] What do you mean, “your hotel?” | |
[03:17] | The one next door. | |
[03:20] | Oh, no. | |
[03:22] | Oh, yes. | |
[03:24] | I mean, the staff treats you like family, | |
[03:25] | because they are family. | |
[03:28] | And the place feels like yours, because it is yours. | |
[03:39] | Hey, buddy. What do you got there? | |
[03:41] | My clothes. | |
[03:43] | Figured we’d ship everything else back to Michigan. | |
[03:45] | I’d like to leave this afternoon. | |
[03:47] | Wha… | |
[03:49] | I thought you loved California. | |
[03:51] | Well, that was before I knew it was a death trap. | |
[03:55] | All right, buddy, come on. Sit down, look. | |
[03:59] | We’re all gonna be fine. | |
[04:00] | Okay? | |
[04:03] | [whispers]: He’s not wrong. | |
[04:08] | There is no need to worry, honey. | |
[04:10] | We just have to be prepared, | |
[04:12] | which is why I bought us this. | |
[04:14] | Everything we need to prepare for another quake: | |
[04:17] | protein bars, water pouches, a flashlight, | |
[04:20] | even this adorable fire extinguisher | |
[04:23] | that looks like our regular fire extinguisher’s baby. | |
[04:27] | Fine. I’ll go unpack. | |
[04:30] | And pray for baby fires. | |
[04:36] | Wow, Grover’s really freaked out. | |
[04:39] | Well, yeah, it makes sense. | |
[04:41] | I mean, I could see how last night would be | |
[04:43] | totally terrifying for a child. | |
[04:45] | [rumbling]Aftershock! | |
[04:46] | Uh-oh. | |
[04:48] | That was the garbage truck, Dave. | |
[04:54] | BOTH: Rock, paper, scissors, shoot. | |
[04:56] | [laughs]Ah, man. [groans] | |
[04:58] | Nah, you know what? Best out of 17. | |
[04:59] | Oh, no way, man. | |
[05:01] | No way. You lost. | |
[05:03] | Mom and Dad are taking your room. | |
[05:04] | What? No, hell nah, man. | |
[05:05] | Let’s wrestle for it.What? Aah! | |
[05:07] | [both grunting] | |
[05:09] | [overlapping shouting] | |
[05:11] | I’m-a drop you. | |
[05:13] | I don’t know what you’re doing, | |
[05:14] | but you’re too old to be doing it. | |
[05:16] | Put him down. | |
[05:17] | [chuckles]: Oh, uh… Hey. | |
[05:20] | We-we were just wrestling over who gets to give you their room. | |
[05:23] | And luckily, Malcolm won. | |
[05:25] | Ah, what? No, man. | |
[05:26] | I mean, uh… [chuckles] Yeah. | |
[05:28] | All I do is win.Ow. | |
[05:30] | Uh, Mom, Dad, | |
[05:33] | make yourselves at home. | |
[05:34] | Mi casa es quite literally su casa | |
[05:36] | because we rent from you. | |
[05:38] | Well, it’s freezing in here. | |
[05:40] | Marty, what the hell happened to my thermostat? | |
[05:43] | That’s a new system I put in. | |
[05:44] | You can control the temperature from your phone. | |
[05:46] | Fancy, right? | |
[05:47] | Oh, very fancy. | |
[05:50] | Now tell your phone I’m cold. | |
[05:51] | And tell your brother I’m raising the rent. | |
[05:56] | Oh, uh, Ma, you did not have to go shopping. | |
[05:58] | We do have food. | |
[06:00] | You have dino nuggets and soy sauce packets. | |
[06:04] | And this bottle of ranch is old enough to have voted for Obama. | |
[06:11] | I’m not gonna spend the next three weeks eating condiments. | |
[06:13] | I’m about to smoke this chicken. | |
[06:16] | Uh, Ma, it is 9:30 in the morning. | |
[06:18] | Well, I’m also gonna make hash browns. | |
[06:29] | Oh, okay. So, I guess | |
[06:30] | that charge from Home Depot wasn’t fraudulent. | |
[06:34] | You can’t put a price on preparedness. | |
[06:37] | [chuckles]: Oh, apparently you can, | |
[06:38] | and it’s $1,300. | |
[06:41] | Well, you know, your little earthquake kit | |
[06:44] | needed some help, so I got everything we would need | |
[06:46] | in case of a flood, mudslide, | |
[06:47] | and a biological weapons attack. | |
[06:51] | What is that for? | |
[06:55] | [chuckles] It’s for beekeeping, Grover. | |
[06:57] | [whispers]: Methane leaks.All right. | |
[07:01] | Don’t worry, honey. Your dad just went a little overboard. | |
[07:04] | I don’t think he went overboard enough. | |
[07:06] | An earthquake | |
[07:08] | once made the Mississippi River flow backwards. | |
[07:15] | Dave, you’ve got to tone it down. | |
[07:17] | I know you’re freaked out, but…I am not freaked out. | |
[07:19] | Okay. | |
[07:23] | What is wrong with being prepared? | |
[07:25] | Nothing. But you’re still returning | |
[07:27] | the gas mask and the generator. | |
[07:31] | Fine. | |
[07:35] | Can’t return it | |
[07:37] | if I can’t find the receipt. | |
[07:40] | [garbage disposal whirs] | |
[07:44] | CALVIN: Tina! | |
[07:45] | Yeah, baby? | |
[07:47] | I can see the construction dumpster | |
[07:48] | from the window. | |
[07:49] | Looks like half the house is in there. | |
[07:51] | We never should have hired that contractor. | |
[07:53] | Is it because she’s a woman? | |
[07:54] | I don’t see gender, Tina. | |
[07:56] | All I see is somebody ripping up my house. | |
[07:59] | Hey. Hey, Pop, Pop, hold up. | |
[08:01] | Is that my iPad? | |
[08:02] | Oh, yeah. And by the way, | |
[08:04] | some girl named “Jennifer Cheesecake Factory” | |
[08:06] | sent you some pictures her mama would not be happy with. | |
[08:11] | Don’t bring her home. | |
[08:17] | [hammers pounding][drill whirring] | |
[08:18] | What the hell is going on in here? | |
[08:21] | They’re just doing repairs. | |
[08:23] | This is what we talked about. | |
[08:25] | No, we talked about paint. | |
[08:27] | Last time I checked, you don’t need | |
[08:29] | a sledgehammer to paint. | |
[08:31] | Oh, hey, it’s the Butlers. | |
[08:33] | Oh, good, you’re here. | |
[08:35] | Just in time for me to fire you. | |
[08:37] | Fire her? I thought we agreed | |
[08:41] | to fix whatever needed to be fixed to make it safe. | |
[08:43] | That wall is wobbly and exposed. | |
[08:46] | Well, so is Miss Kim. | |
[08:48] | You don’t see nobody trying to throw her in the dumpster. | |
[08:51] | You know what? I’ll finish the repairs myself. | |
[08:53] | I just need some sandpaper, | |
[08:55] | a few screws and a… | |
[08:57] | and a little Spackle. | |
[08:58] | We’re missing a wall. | |
[09:03] | Okay, a lot of Spackle. | |
[09:07] | All right, uh, Jackie, why don’t you and the crew | |
[09:10] | go home for the rest of the day, and I’ll have a talk with him. | |
[09:13] | Come on, guys! | |
[09:15] | Whoever said he’d fire us after three days, | |
[09:17] | I owe you a beer. | |
[09:22] | Calvin, you are being ridiculous. | |
[09:25] | You’re so busy at the shop, | |
[09:26] | these repairs will take you forever, | |
[09:28] | and I’ll be moving back into this house in a wheelchair. | |
[09:31] | Then I’ll be sure to add a ramp to my quote. | |
[09:34] | Fine. | |
[09:36] | If you think that you can do it better, | |
[09:37] | then have at it. | |
[09:38] | And have at it I will. | |
[09:40] | I’ll have this house done in three days! | |
[09:47] | Give or take a month. | |
[09:55] | [laughs] | |
[09:57] | Do svidaniya!Mm! | |
[09:59] | Hey. | |
[10:01] | Oh, I see you helped yourself | |
[10:03] | to my bottle of Zetta wine. [chuckles] | |
[10:06] | Cool. | |
[10:07] | Shh! Shh! | |
[10:08] | We’re watching 90 Day Fiancé. | |
[10:11] | Uh, you know, I was hoping that I could watch the game. | |
[10:14] | Oh, sorry, man. This is the reunion episode, | |
[10:17] | and that’s when all the tea gets spilled. | |
[10:19] | And I have had a day. | |
[10:22] | Your father lost his damn mind and fired our contractor, | |
[10:25] | so looks like we gonna be living here another six months. | |
[10:31] | Did you say “six months”? | |
[10:33] | [chuckles] Uh, Marty, can I speak to you | |
[10:36] | in the kitchen, please, my brother? | |
[10:38] | Oh, not now, man, Svetlana just threw | |
[10:39] | her passport in Gabe’s face. | |
[10:41] | [chuckles] | |
[10:47] | Now, you listen to me. I cannot take this anymore. | |
[10:49] | We have got to get Mom and Pop the hell out of here. | |
[10:52] | You want to turn our parents out on the street? | |
[10:54] | The people who gave us life? Who raised us? | |
[10:57] | You don’t want Mama to leave | |
[10:58] | because she is doing your laundry. | |
[11:00] | Okay, man, she folded the fitted sheets, | |
[11:02] | Oh, man.It’s basically witchcraft. | |
[11:04] | Look, the only witchcraft she is working | |
[11:06] | is making my dates disappear from this house. | |
[11:09] | All right, I think you’re pretty good | |
[11:10] | at making them disappear all on your own. | |
[11:12] | Oh, please…You can’t blame Mommy for that, I’m just saying. | |
[11:13] | [alarm sounding] | |
[11:20] | [alarm stops] | |
[11:21] | Earthquake. | |
[11:23] | An earthquake is happening. | |
[11:25] | What is going on? | |
[11:27] | Gemma, you’re not wearing any shoes. | |
[11:29] | [buzzer sounds] | |
[11:31] | First earthquake drill demerit. | |
[11:33] | Drill? We never agreed to a drill. | |
[11:36] | Do you think Mother Nature sends a written invitation | |
[11:40] | before she opens a sinkhole in your yard? | |
[11:42] | A sinkhole? | |
[11:44] | Yes, that’s right, Grover. A sinkhole. | |
[11:49] | Now, everyone, find the safest exit. | |
[11:52] | Uh, the front door? | |
[11:54] | Rookie mistake. | |
[11:56] | [buzzer sounds] | |
[12:00] | What… | |
[12:02] | You would have been crushed by all of this literature. | |
[12:07] | Okay, this drill is over. | |
[12:09] | Okay, fine. But… | |
[12:12] | based on everyone’s performance, I can’t guarantee | |
[12:16] | that we would all survive the next big one. | |
[12:19] | Dad, you are a very loud whisperer. | |
[12:23] | I’m sleeping in the yard. | |
[12:25] | Uh– Very good, son. | |
[12:28] | The back door is the safest egress. | |
[12:31] | Just be careful of any fallen power lines. | |
[12:33] | Dave, this has to stop. Grover is totally freaked out. | |
[12:37] | Well, I’m doing this so he won’t be scared. | |
[12:39] | So he won’t be scared or you won’t be scared? | |
[12:41] | [alarm sounding] | |
[12:45] | [alarm stops] | |
[12:47] | Sorry, my, my finger slipped. | |
[12:51] | Look, this is how I’m coping. | |
[12:54] | Okay? If anything ever happened to you guys… | |
[12:56] | I would never be able to forgive myself. | |
[12:58] | Honey, I appreciate that. | |
[13:01] | And of course we should be prepared, | |
[13:04] | but you’ve got our son in the backyard | |
[13:06] | rationing gummy bears like it’s the end of days. | |
[13:11] | In retrospect, uh, | |
[13:14] | maybe I did go a little overboard. | |
[13:17] | You think? | |
[13:21] | You need to go out there and let Grover know | |
[13:22] | that everything’s gonna be okay. | |
[13:26] | Oh, uh, don’t go to the bathroom. | |
[13:28] | I may or may not have tried to simulate a water main break. | |
[13:33] | TINA: Oh! | |
[13:35] | Calvin, that better be you. | |
[13:37] | ‘Cause if it’s not, whoever it is is getting this bat! | |
[13:40] | It’s me. I-It’s me, baby. | |
[13:42] | Baby, what are you doing in there? | |
[13:45] | Well, right now, I’m just trying to remember the last time | |
[13:47] | I had a tetanus shot. | |
[13:50] | Well, I know it’s been too long. Get out of there. | |
[13:53] | Look, bae, I just needed to make sure | |
[13:55] | everything in the trash was trash. | |
[13:57] | I didn’t agree to tear the whole house down. | |
[14:00] | We’re not tearing the house down. | |
[14:02] | We just had to change some things. | |
[14:05] | Well, you know the saying, “Change is bad”? | |
[14:08] | That’s not the saying. | |
[14:10] | Well, it should be. | |
[14:13] | This dumpster’s just filled with memories I don’t want to lose. | |
[14:16] | Did you see this wall they tore out? | |
[14:19] | It’s got the comic strip that Malcolm and Marty drew on. | |
[14:22] | Remember we were so mad, but then, eventually, | |
[14:24] | it grew on us? | |
[14:25] | Yeah. | |
[14:26] | That was pretty cute. | |
[14:28] | All this stuff, babe, this is what makes our house a home. | |
[14:31] | Baby, we are what makes a house a home. | |
[14:36] | These memories are precious, but it’s time for new ones. | |
[14:39] | The boys are grown, we have the money. | |
[14:42] | And we’re in a new phase in our lives, | |
[14:43] | and that phase includes dual showerheads. | |
[14:48] | Two showerheads? Who needs that? | |
[14:50] | The couple who showers together. | |
[14:56] | Well, this could be an interesting new phase. | |
[14:59] | [laughs] | |
[15:01] | Calvin, we love this neighborhood. | |
[15:05] | And we have the chance to turn this house | |
[15:07] | into the dream home we always wanted. | |
[15:10] | Yeah. | |
[15:12] | It’s just hard letting it all go. | |
[15:15] | You know, we don’t have to. | |
[15:17] | All right? Why don’t we take this piece | |
[15:20] | and have it framed? | |
[15:21] | Good idea. See? | |
[15:23] | Uh, b-babe, uh… | |
[15:24] | Can we save this, too? | |
[15:27] | It’s the first light switch I had to fix. | |
[15:29] | Let it go. | |
[15:33] | Fine. | |
[15:35] | I’ll call Jackie in the morning and unfire her. | |
[15:38] | I already did. | |
[15:39] | Good, because God didn’t intend | |
[15:42] | for three adult men to share one bathroom. | |
[15:48] | Hey, buddy. | |
[15:50] | I brought you some emergency hot cocoa. | |
[15:53] | Speaking of hot, | |
[15:54] | did you know that L.A. sits on the Ring of Fire? | |
[15:59] | We are literally living on a volcano. | |
[16:04] | They didn’t mention that on Zillow. | |
[16:07] | Come on, buddy. [sighs] | |
[16:09] | Sit down. Listen… | |
[16:13] | I’m sorry I scared you. | |
[16:15] | I went totally overboard with the earthquake prep. | |
[16:17] | No, you didn’t. We need all that stuff. | |
[16:20] | Are you aware that this area is prone to radon leaks? | |
[16:26] | No, I did not know that. | |
[16:29] | But no more Wikipedia for you before bed. | |
[16:34] | But I get it. | |
[16:36] | You know, feeling prepared makes me feel less afraid, too. | |
[16:39] | I didn’t know you got scared. | |
[16:41] | Oh, well, I hide it very well. | |
[16:45] | Of course I do. Look, everybody does. | |
[16:47] | But that doesn’t mean we should run away | |
[16:49] | from the things that are scaring us. | |
[16:51] | And besides, natural disasters happen everywhere, | |
[16:54] | even Michigan. | |
[16:56] | I know. | |
[16:59] | Fun fact, in 1965, Michigan had 12 tornadoes. | |
[17:04] | In one day. | |
[17:07] | Well, I’m glad we moved. | |
[17:11] | Look, the point is, | |
[17:13] | Mom and I are never gonna let anything happen to you. | |
[17:17] | You know, and we live in a neighborhood | |
[17:19] | filled with people who have our backs, | |
[17:20] | so no matter what happens, | |
[17:24] | we’re gonna be okay. | |
[17:26] | I do love it here. | |
[17:28] | Malcolm and Marty promised they’d take me | |
[17:30] | to the horse track. | |
[17:34] | Well, that’s something we’ll talk about. | |
[17:40] | [humming] Ma! | |
[17:43] | What are you doing in here? | |
[17:45] | Brushing my hair. | |
[17:49] | There better be some hot water left. | |
[17:51] | I need some privacy, people! | |
[17:55] | Boy, ain’t nobody looking at you. Get on out of there. | |
[17:59] | Ah. | |
[18:00] | Have you gained some weight? | |
[18:04] | No, Mother, I have not. | |
[18:08] | I blame you and your smoked chickens. [laughs] | |
[18:11] | [whimpers] | |
[18:12] | Aw, bae. | |
[18:14] | I’ll be glad when our renovations are done. | |
[18:17] | These single showerheads, they’re just so old-school. | |
[18:24] | Mama and Dad have got to go. | |
[18:28] | Oh, was it the bathroom party | |
[18:29] | that changed your mind? | |
[18:31] | [muttering] | |
[18:33] | Hey, boys. Ah… | |
[18:35] | Well, since the contractor will be finished next week, | |
[18:37] | we decided to treat ourselves | |
[18:39] | and spend our last few days in a nice hotel. | |
[18:41] | Oh, really? Well, oh, gosh, | |
[18:43] | it’s been so lovely having y’all here. | |
[18:45] | Yeah, yeah. I-I wish you guys | |
[18:47] | could’ve stayed longer. | |
[18:48] | It really just flew by. | |
[18:51] | Not to me. | |
[18:55] | Hello. | |
[18:59] | Why are you wet? | |
[19:00] | Funny story. [chuckles] | |
[19:04] | Jimmy was laying a little conduit for the electrical… | |
[19:06] | Water. Get to the water. | |
[19:08] | Right. | |
[19:10] | Uh, well, then we found some termite damage. | |
[19:12] | And, it turns out, when we pulled out the wood, | |
[19:15] | it was the only thing holding up your pipes. | |
[19:19] | How much and how long? | |
[19:21] | Six weeks, and I’ll email you the quote | |
[19:24] | because I don’t want to say it to your face. | |
[19:25] | [sighs] | |
[19:29] | Lord of Light, what have we done to deserve this? | |
[19:32] | Well, it ain’t no pleasure cruise for me, either. | |
[19:34] | You think I like living with dude smell? | |
[19:37] | Uh– Look, | |
[19:39] | if y’all gonna be staying here for that long, | |
[19:41] | then we need to set down some ground rules.Yeah. | |
[19:44] | To make your stay much more comfortable. | |
[19:47] | Where are you going, baby? | |
[19:49] | I need a break. I’m-a go sit by the pool in my living room. | |
[19:58] | ♪ I never met a girl who makes me feel ♪ | |
[20:01] | ♪ The way that you do ♪ | |
[20:03] | ♪ You’re all right ♪ | |
[20:05] | ♪ Whenever I’m asked who makes my dreams real ♪ | |
[20:08] | ♪ I say that you do ♪ | |
[20:10] | ♪ You’re out of sight ♪ | |
[20:11] | ♪ So, fee-fi ♪ | |
[20:14] | ♪ Fo-fum ♪ | |
[20:16] | ♪ Look out, baby, ’cause here I come ♪ | |
[20:20] | ♪ And I’m bringing you a love that’s true ♪ | |
[20:23] | ♪ So get ready, so get ready ♪ | |
[20:27] | ♪ I’m gonna try to make you love me, too ♪ | |
[20:30] | ♪ So get ready, so get ready ♪ | |
[20:33] | [music stops][rumbling] | |
[20:39] | ♪ Get ready ’cause here I come | |
[20:41] | ♪ I’m on my way ♪ | |
[20:42] | ♪ Get ready ’cause here I come ♪ | |
[20:45] | ♪ If you want to play hide-and-seek ♪ | |
[20:48] | ♪ With love, let me remind you ♪ | |
[20:50] | ♪ It’s all right ♪ | |
[20:51] | ♪ Of the loving you’re gonna miss ♪ | |
[20:54] | ♪ In the time it takes to find you. ♪ | |
[20:59] | Captioning sponsored by CBS | |
[21:03] | and TOYOTA. | |
[21:06] | Captioned by Media Access Group at WGBH access.wgbh.org |